Four months ago, the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund finalists were announced, kicking off a stretch of studio visits, challenges, collaborations, and fashion shows to determine the designer that would take home the grand prize of $400,000. The ten finalists included Batsheva (Batsheva Hay), Bode (Emily Adams Bode), Christian Cowan, Hunting Season (Danielle Corona), Jonathan Cohen (Jonathan Cohen and Sarah Leff), Luar (Raul Lopez), Matthew Adams Dolan, Pyer Moss (Kerby Jean-Raymond), Rebecca de Ravenel, and Scosha (Scosha Woolridge). On Monday night, Pyer Moss, the New York-based unisex label founded in 2013, was named the winner. Bode and Jonathan Cohen were the runners-up.
“It took 18 years in the industry and a few years with Pyer Moss, but we are here now and I’m really happy,” Jean-Raymond tells Refinery29. “It means we’re being accepted in this space but most importantly it means we’re being understood, which is what we care most about.” He continued: “This win means the next generation of people of colour designers don’t need to conform, they can be themselves, they can be authentic and people will love you for it. I hope we made the barrier of entry less scary for the kids that look like us.”
This is a full circle moment for the designer. When Issa Rae hosted the CFDA Awards in June — she was the first Black woman to do so — she wore custom a custom Pyer Moss royal blue one-shoulder jumpsuit with an overlay made up of over 180,000 Swarovski crystals. Embroidered on Rae's belt was the phrase “Every N*gga Is A Star,” a lyric lifted from Boris Gardiner’s song of the same name, which Kendrick Lamar sampled for “Wesley’s Theory,” ; the latter track was performed by a gospel choir during the label's fall 2018 runway show.
Jean-Raymond says the phrase spoke to both him and Rae. “It was a last minute idea that tied in the messages of our last show as well as Issa’s artistry,” he told Refinery29 in June, of the belt. But what else would you expect from a designer who's no stranger to using fashion as a form of protest? In 2014, Pyer Moss created the “They Have Names” shirt, honouring the memories of 11 Black men killed by police brutality; this past year, he created an updated version of the top, “Even More Names,” for Colin Kaepernick to wear in his GQ ‘Man of the Year’ spread.
In September, he presented a seemingly radical idea for the fashion industry for his spring 2019 show: Jean-Raymond “created a world devoid of angst of racism and imagined what Black American life would be like if it were had been left untouched, unmolested, and unbothered,” according to a press release at the time. It was a moment that clearly resonated. Jean-Raymond hopes this opportunity will help him create more meaningful moments, and also help to champion new talent.
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When Rosamund Pike speaks about Marie Colvin, the subject of her new movie A Private War, she looks to the corner of the room, almost wistfully, like she's speaking about a friend she admires, a friend she misses. "I wish I could’ve known her," Pike told Refinery29 at the Whitby Hotel in New York City. Colvin died in 2012 while reporting on the Assad regime's violence against its own people in Homs, Syria.
Since she didn't know Colvin, Pike became her. She morphed into Colvin's stature — literally. Pike revealed she actually shrunk a centimetre-and-a-half after contorting herself to Colvin's specific gait, posture, and idiosyncratic, cigarette-soaked rasp. More importantly, Pike began to see world through the eyes of a woman who had really seen the world — the worst of it. Colvin was a celebrated war correspondent for The Sunday Times who, again and again, would embed herself in dangerous regions so she could bear witness and make complacent folk in peaceful areas read her articles and wake up. From 1985 to her death in 2012, Colvin was relentless in adhering to her mission of truth-telling. Case in point: In 2001, she lost an eye due to a blast in Sri Lanka. She put on a patch. She went back into the field.
A Private War is an extension of Colvin's mission. The jolting, difficult film brings audiences into the field until the sounds of war are too loud to ignore. Sure, you might leave the cinema and emerge back into the cocoon of bomb-less region. But you'll remember those women wailing in shelters, the ground shaking from bomb sieges. You won't be able to turn off those images, which occur in life as well as the film. Marie wouldn't want it otherwise. "Marie’s whole credo was bringing the realities of war to a broad audience," Pike said.
We spoke to Pike about playing influential Maries (Colvin and Curie), war journalism, and the cost of being a trailblazer.
Refinery29: At what point did you know Marie's was a story you wanted to tell?
Rosamund Pike: "Right from the start. Right when I heard a film was being made and I discovered the really passionate Vanity Fair article that Marie Brenner wrote. It painted a portrait of this charismatic, courageous woman who wore La Perla underwear in war and supported younger women. Every stereotype was flouted by Marie. Was she a 'pseudo man?' Absolutely not. Was she competitive with younger women? No, absolutely not. Was she competitive for herself and ambitious? Yes, she was. Was she fearless? No. She had tremendous fear and went anyway, which is real courage. I thought, 'I want to know her.' I wish I could’ve known her. I wish I could’ve hung out and drunk a martini with her."
She was the ultimate dinner party guest.
"Totally. She was very aware of it. She thought, 'Oh God, I don’t want to be the person who enters the room, and people say, here come the stories about Beirut again.' She also had stories about Arafat and greeting Gaddafi at three in the morning when he’s wearing green silk pyjamas and lizard shoes."
Photo: Tibrina Hobson/Getty Images.
Much of A Private War is devoted to exploring why Marie is compelled to put herself in danger, over and over again. After making this movie, do you feel you understand her more?
"Yes. Marie was of the mind that if you don't get as close to the narrative as you damn well can, then another reigning narrative can take control of the situation. She went into Homs [in 2012] and said, ‘This is a lie. The Assad regime is saying he's is going after terrorist gangs, but there are no terrorists here. This is a city of cold, hungry people starving and under siege.’ She wrote to a friend that it’s so anger-making it’s worth going. Of course, she also had a sense that this was something she was good at. She was unique in her ability to penetrate. She would go beyond. She entered Syria illegally without a visa. She was smuggled down a 4km storm drain. There, her life made sense in a way that it didn’t all the time at home. She had great friends and a close family, but when your reality has been so heightened in war, it can be a hard adjustment."
By bringing this movie to the public you’re furthering Marie’s mission. Do you ever feel connected with her in that regard?
"Definitely. We filmed in Jordan and were not in danger, but most of the of the background actors of our movie were people who had fled imminent danger and suffered untold tragedies in their lives of loss and heartbreak. The two women I interview in the basement where women and children are being sheltered [in the Homs, Syria scene] — one of those women tells her own story. Suddenly, there were no cameras in the room. That was one woman telling me. I think she believed, in that minute, that I was a journalist totally, and her story would go out there. And it will, because it's in the movie. I carried that with me. I can picture that right now. I can see her like it was yesterday."
You changed your voice significantly for A Private War. How did it help you get into her character? At the end of the day, was it hard to shake her off?
"Marie was such an interesting physical study. I wanted people to feel as passionately about Marie as I did, to see the passion that stokes the fire of her whole body. It’s in her gestures. It’s in her laugh. It’s in the way she handled her eyepatch. The way she walked. The way she felt like her body was almost always a coiled spring, primed for attack. The heavy smoking, the dependence on alcohol and cigarettes. It was all so part of the one thing. I thought if I did her voice and it came out of my own physicality it would be weird. It had to come out of her physicality. It had to come out of that body. That jerky, fascinating, complicated body language she developed."
Were you able to see out of the eyepatch?
"No, no. I was seeing with one eye."
When you finished shooting as Marie, did you straighten up and immediately become Rosamund again?
"No, no. It was only because I went for a medical for my next film. They measured me and wrote down 172 cm. I said, 'No, I’m 173.' She said actually, 'You’re 171 and half. I rounded it up.' I said, 'Sorry can we just check that again?'
It must’ve been uncanny for her friends to see you as Marie.
"It was a very sensitive process, getting the trust of her friends. There were times when I realised it was very upsetting for them that a film was being made about her. At one stage, I thought maybe I should give up. Maybe this is too painful for people. A couple of days later, a taxi arrived at my door with a sweater of hers and a jacket. One of her friends wrote, 'These were Marie’s. I’d like you to wear them in the film.'"
And you did?
"Yes."
You’re playing another famous Marie in an upcoming movie — Marie Curie. If Marie Colvin and Marie Curie found themselves in a room together, what do you think they might say to each other?
"I totally could imagine them having something in common. They’re both outspoken. They’re both direct. Marie Colvin would've taken an intense interest in what Curie was doing — through the discovery of radioactivity, she led the way warfare to change as well as did great good medical field. I think Marie Colvin would’ve drunk Marie Curie under the table."
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Shonda Rhimes lovers, gather 'round, for I have a cinematic masterpiece to share with you. Queen of mean and devious acts as Annalise Keating in How to Get Away with Murder, otherwise known as Oscar- and Tony-winning actress Viola Davis, is leading one of the most action-packed and thrilling movies this winter.
Davis will star as Veronica Rawlins in Steve McQueen's Widows. Gone Girl and Sharp Object s writer Gillian Flynn also worked on the screenplay which means it will be ripe with good, old fashioned female rage.
The first trailer for the film, which will be released on November 6, revealed the iconic cast of characters that make up the crew of widows (Davis, Cynthia Erivo, Michelle Rodriguez, and Elizabeth Debicki) eager to strike revenge on the men (played by Daniel Kaluuya and Brian Tyree Henry) who played a part in their husbands' deaths.
Now, we have a new trailer that gives us a longer look at the violent circumstances that lead Veronica to gather up a crew of widows to finish off one final heist to settle the score. Because of its all-star cast, which also features Colin Farrell, Carrie Coon, Robert Duvall, Liam Neeson, Lukas Haas, and Jacki Weaver, it feels like a more high stakes Ocean's 8, where the ultimate goal is survival, not a diamond necklace.
Widows is a movie about criminals messing with other criminals. It's seedy, dangerous, and unapologetic. It's also scored by Hans Zimmer, which means it is immediately in the running for best score of the year. A final word to the wise before we get to the trailer: Don't piss of Davis, because her characters are always out for revenge.
Widows is in UK cinemas on 6th November 2018
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Before this year, going red felt... off limits. Even though platinum requires a ton of bleach and rainbow is a multistep process, becoming a redhead always felt like the most extreme hair colour transformation possible. Whether it's because people were too scared, too nervous, or just simply fixed on the colour they already had, most of us never really considered dyeing our hair red — until now.
If there's one major colour trend to look out for autumn — and 2019 — it's red. More than ever, salon clients are requesting shades of crimson, from subtle highlights to a red wine stain. Brian K. Hawthorne, colourist at DevaCurl Devachan Hair Salon, agrees that when the temperatures get colder, clients go warmer — literally. And these auburn and copper hues are daring, bright, and perfect for the autumnal season.
Convinced you should go red, too? Colleen Flaherty, colourist at Spoke & Weal salon in New York, says that this is something you need to do research for. Go through your Instagram, consult your colourist, and find photos with hair colours you're inspired by. Flaherty says that when she meets with a client who wants to dye their hair red, she asks them how long they've wanted to go red and what sparked the change. "I also give them real expectations on what their colour can realistically turn out to be," Flaherty explains. "Red hair tends to fade quickly based on how much you wash and how much you heat style. I make sure they understand that and let them know they should come in for a gloss to refresh the tone in-between colour appointments."
In other words, dyed red hair isn't exactly a low-maintenance or subtle choice for autumn — but, boy, is it beautiful. Ready to find the perfect red for you? Ahead, Hawthorne and Flaherty map out the four biggest red colour trends you can expect to see this year. Bonus: There are loads of IG images worth saving for your colourist.
Strawberry Blonde
Natural blondes and redheads, this is the low-lift colour change for you. Hawthorne recommends this strawberry blonde shade to anyone searching for a slight change or added dimension. Not only is it easily achieved with a few painted highlights or a coloured gloss, but the upkeep is minimal in comparison to other red shades.
And there's more variety to the strawberry blonde shade than you think. For blogger Amina Marie, it's all about blush and orange tones, keeping her curls on the richer side of the colour spectrum. "Before deciding on a realistic shade, I’d take into consideration the clients warm or cool undertones," Hawthorne explains. For instance, someone with fair, cool skin should opt for a strawberry blonde that is on the yellower side, while someone with darker skin should consider warmer rose golds.
Flaherty chose to keep model Kelly Mittendorf on the cooler end of strawberry blonde with sunny, yellow undertones. Not only does it enhance the original blonde Mittendorf came from, but adds just enough coppery warmth for autumn.
Although most people tend to visit the salon requesting a drastic hair change at the beginning of a new season, Flaherty says that, sometimes, a colour change calls for incremental dye jobs. Just like going blonde, going red can be a process. If you're a constant hair colour flip-flopper, consider a red gloss to neutralise worn-out tones or revitalise old highlights first before taking the plunge.
Hawthorne explains that not only does strawberry blonde look great on natural blondes, but it also requires less maintenance than other shades of red because it can usually be achieved with just a gloss. But you shouldn't sleep on your at-home routine just because you chose a blonder red versus a red velvet (we'll get to that later). Hawthorne's routine includes Devacurl Decadence No Poo. Not only does it replenish lost moisture after a colouring service, but it's also pH-balanced and sulphate-free to lock in the colour and prevent fading.
Auburn Sunset
If auburn hair is a darker ginger, then an "auburn sunset" dye job is a dark ginger with orange-y undertones. It's sunny, but cozy; cool, but rich. Think of it as the pumpkin spice shade you won't feel cliché for ordering.
Auburn is also a colour easily achieved with a gloss for natural redheads looking for a season refresh. Actually, Hawthorne recommends that anyone with natural reddish tones in their hair request a gloss at their next hair appointment. "Glosses are typically semi-permanent," he explains. "It's a quick change and low maintenance.”
If you're a brunette looking to brighten up your look without having to touch bleach, this golden red is your best choice. Even better, it's easier than you think to go from a virgin brown to a redhead using permanent dye. “Natural brunettes have underlying red and orange pigments in their hair, which the colourist can play off of when taking the client red," Flaherty explains.
But if you're a natural blonde — or currently platinum — you might find trouble staying red. Virgin blondes lack the warmer pigments in their hair that people with dark brown hair have, so the colourist is essentially creating that warmth from scratch. As for platinum hair, Hawthorne says that because of constant bleaching, the hair is far less porous, which means it won't hold the red pigment quite as easily as someone who has not bleached their hair. In that case, expect to come in for multiple rounds of dyeing due to fast fading.
If anyone knows a thing or two about daring hair colour, it's Jillian Hervey, a.k.a. one half of the musical duo Lion Babe. The singer has constantly toggled between golden blonde and cherry red, but recently settled on a blend of several different reds. At a glance, her braids' melt to create a coppery gold, but look closer and you'll spot several different shades — orange, blush, mahogany — winding in and out of each twist. Like a real sunset, Hervey's hair uses a variety of bright hues to create a colour that's the perfect middle-of-the-road red.
Red Velvet
Though it's not the most natural-looking hair colour out there, it is perhaps the most universally flattering red. However, there are some prep steps required before going velvet red, like a double-process to lighten before dyeing. Then, more often than not, a permanent dye is used to achieve this desired red.
Depending on the shade you're looking for and how well your hair holds pigment, you won't always have to pre-lighten hair before your colourist applies a permanent dye. However, it's important to remember that the darker the red the longer it'll probably last (although, the longevity is never guaranteed). "From my experience, darker reds last longer than lighter reds," says Hawthorne. "This is probably because of the heavy amount of colour that's deposited into the hair."
To maintain a colour like this, Hawthorne recommends washing with a sulphate-free shampoo while using cool water. Also, consider using an at-home gloss or toning conditioner in-between appointments to keep the colour fresh.
Not only should your colourist consider your skin tone (Flaherty also looks at a client's eye colour) to determine your perfect shade of red, but also your hair type. If you have super-curly hair, you want to cater your colour to your coils, says Hawthorne. Curly hair reflects light differently than straighter textures, which means the shade your colourist lands on should reflect that to avoid the final result from looking dull or diffused.
Rusted Copper
Flaherty says that out of all the red hair requests this season, she expects to see the most for copper — and Hawthorne agrees. Although copper hair could include a mix of red, yellow, and orange hues, it's this rusted brunette option we're most excited for.
If you're someone with naturally darker hair or want a refresh on a dull brunette dye job, this gets you the best of both of both worlds: red and brown.
It's also one of the red colour trends that looks even better in the form of highlights. But whether you choose to go red via a balayage service or not, Flaherty recommends using a colour-preserving shampoo and conditioner. Her favourites: Aveda Madder Root Shampoo and Conditioner. The formula helps enrich brunette and red hair colours while simultaneously cleansing the scalp without stripping it of your colour.
Before you decide on getting highlights vs. all-over colour, consider your cut. Do you have layers or an angled bob? Then, consider face-framing highlights that will lift and elevate the colour you already have. Bonus: Opting for a partial paint job will have you spending less time in the salon chair and more time showing off your new look.
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Tonight Republican incumbent Ted Cruz beat his Democratic opponent Beto O’Rourke in the Texas Senate race. Republicans have held every statewide office in Texas since 1994. In what may have been the most-watched race Senate race of the cycle, Cruz had been predicted to win by 6%.
As the race between O’Rourke and Cruz heated up, it came to represent the bitter political divide in the country and was seen as not only a referendum on the Trump presidency, but also issues of gender, race, and violence.
Cruz, an evangelical, anti-abortion conservative in favour of highly restrictive immigration laws, aligned himself with President Trump who rallied for the Senator while stocking fear of a “migrant caravan” headed to the Texas border. The endorsement was a turn-around from Trump’s comments about Cruz during the presidential primary, in which he referred to the Senator as "Lyin’ Ted," insulted his wife Heidi’s appearance, and even implicated Cruz’s father in the Kennedy assassination.
O’Rourke, the Representative from Texas’s 16th district, launched a grassroots campaign in March 2017, campaigning in all of the state’s 254 counties. He focused on galvanising Democrats, dissatisfied Republicans, and historical non voters. In what seemed like good news for O'Rourke more people participated in early voting this year than voted in the entire 2014 midterm elections. Ultimately, he fell short.
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You hear that? It's the sound of glass-ceilings shattering across the US. A record-breaking number of women ran on the 2018 midterm election. According to the New York Times, "more than a quarter of all the candidates running this year are female, including 84 women of colour — a 42% increase from just two years ago." Out of this diverse cohort of candidates, many won big on election night, making history
When running for office, women of colour often face more roadblocks and a lack of institutional support than their white counterparts. But that didn't stop an unprecedented number of candidates of colour from throwing their hats in the ring this election season. Many of them were victorious in their bids, therefore paving the way for upcoming generations to follow their path and helping make our elected officials look a little bit more like the face of America.
Ahead, a look at some of the women of colour who made history this midterm election.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a 29-year-old Democratic socialist from the Bronx, just became one of the two youngest women ever elected to Congress. The congressional candidate for New York's 14th District pulled one of the most stunning upsets in recent history when she defeated Rep. Joe Crowley, a longtime staple of local politics and the fourth-ranking Democrats in the U.S. House of Representatives, back in the summer. The victory catapulted her to the national stage, with many calling her a political rising star who would change the face of the Democratic party. NY-14 is one of the most liberal districts in the nation, with registered Democrats outnumbering Republicans roughly six-to-one. Ocasio-Cortez's Republican challenger, 72-year-old Anthony Pappas, never really stood a chance to defeat her in the general election.
Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar became the first Muslim-American women ever elected to Congress. Tlaib, also the first Palestinian-American woman ever elected to the House, ran unopposed on Michigan's 13th District candidate. She will fill the seat left by longtime Rep. John Conyers, who resigned last year amid allegations of sexual misconduct. Omar, a former refugee, made history in 2016 when she became the first Somali-American legislator in the history of the United States. Now, she is shattering the glass-ceiling once again, after winning the race on Minnesota's left-leaning 5th District. After being sworn-in, the 36-year-old will also be the first Somali-American congresswoman in the nation.
Ayanna Pressley will be the first Black woman to represent Massachusetts in Congress. The 44-year-old was running unopposed in Massachusetts’ 7th District, after defeating ten-term incumbent Rep. Mike Capuano in the primary in September. Pressley, a Democrat, also made history when she became the first woman of colour to be elected to the Boston City Council.
Veronica Escobar and Sylvia Garcia will be the first Latinas to represent Texas in Congress. Escobar, a former two-term county judge, handily won the race in Texas' 16th District, a Democratic stronghold that hasn't gone red in 55 years. "If you have an expectation for a certain type of governance, you better be able to step up and provide it," she told Refinery29 earlier this year. "You can't depend on somebody else." Garcia, who served in the Texas State Senate from 2013 until this summer, also easily defeated Republican Phillip Aronoff in TX-29.
Sharice Davidsand Deb Haaland are the first Indigenous women ever elected to Congress. Davids, 37, defeated Republican incumbent Kevin Yoder in Kansas' 3rd District. The former mixed martial arts fighter and White House fellow during the Obama-Trump transition will also be the first openly lesbian congresswoman to represent the state in Capitol Hill. In New Mexico's 1st District, Haaland defeated Republican candidate Janice Arnold-Jones.
This story has been updated with the latest election results.
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This week on Refinery29, we’re filling your screens and consciousness with inspiring women over 50. Why? Because living in a culture obsessed with youth is exhausting for everyone. Ageing is a privilege, not something to dread. Welcome to Life Begins At...
When Alice Watkins set off for a wellness and detox retreat in the West Country four years ago, she didn’t realise she would be adding 'transgressive experience' to the itinerary of weight loss and clearing emotional baggage. Running the detox programme was Mia Logan, a tall and beautiful woman. The pair hit it off and so impactful was Alice’s experience that she offered to volunteer for the retreat, arriving a month later with a tent to sleep in, until Mia offered her a full-time job and she moved into a bricks and mortar house. As well as employee and employer, the two developed a strong friendship, talking most days on the phone. Three years later, Alice had fully relocated to the same small town as Mia, and a month later Alice found herself confronting Mia, telling her that she’d realised she had feelings for her. It was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, but the risk was worth it; her feelings were reciprocated. "We realised that together we felt the best about ourselves, and wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other," Alice tells me. What makes their story unusual is that until then they had both identified as heterosexual. At that point in their lives, Mia was in a long-distance relationship with a man, and Alice, a mother of three adult children, was a hands-on grandmother to her eldest daughter's three kids.
Gay or straight, single or married – people love to label each other. Recently, though, culture has shifted and there has been a rejection of the binary; queer has become a nebulous umbrella word that covers the many shades in the spectrum of love, while polyamory and gender fluidity are more accepted than ever. You can even identify as an alien and find yourself an equal partner in love and life. And while Alice identifies as gay, Mia identifies as a heterosexual woman who is in love with a woman. "Sexually I am still heterosexual but I found that the relationship that works better than any other I have ever had is with Alice. She just happens to be a woman – I am not with her because she is a woman. I hadn’t considered that we could have a relationship until she declared her feelings for me. Even then we discussed the possible repercussions if we did make it physical for a whole month before we even kissed," she says.
After realising my feelings for Mia, it made me question what I found arousing about men. I realised it was their desire for me.
If you’ve ever tried to buy a gender-neutral Baby-gro you’ll know that we are spoon-fed heteronormativity from the minute we inhale our first breath. Realising that it isn't the right fit for you, accepting it, and letting the people in your world know about it can be a strange, painful, joyous and liberating experience. But what is it like realising this in your 50s? For Alice, who was previously married to a man, the experience was confusing – but rewarding. "I’ve always admired the female form, and I’ve always looked to women for closeness and intimacy. Even though I was married to one, I always sort of found men a different species. After realising my feelings for Mia, it made me question what I found arousing about men, and I realised it was their desire for me, the feeling of being wanted. I hadn’t thought that I could get that from a woman; I think if I had met a woman earlier in my life who'd made me feel like Mia does, I’d have realised sooner that I could."
There’s something about having sex with someone the same gender as you that is just… different. Magazines still publish articles instructing women how to please a man, as if that is the sole ambition of heterosexual love-making. But having sex with someone whose genitalia is the same as yours is pleasure of the highest level – it’s so deeply intimate and mutual and generous that there's no need ever to fake anything. And of course, two women (or two men) can go at it unhampered by any kind of contraception. "Sex has completely changed for me now – I love its newness, the fun and lightness around it," says Mia. "And the fact that the desperate need has been replaced with a gentle desire to explore and discover." Alice agrees. "When you’re in your 50s, your sex drive is different; there’s no imperative to reproduce and that feeling of 'Ugh, I need to get laid' has gone. Sex now is tender and intimate. It’s nourishing because we have such a deep connection." Many women experience the desire to have sex with another woman in an undefined way, perhaps because of the allure of that connection – and when Alice started to tell her friends about her relationship with Mia, many of them confessed to having same-sex relationships in the past, more than she had realised.
According to GLAAD’s annual report, the number of LGBTQ characters on TV has risen over the past year – and will surely only continue to do so. Do the pair, who are both in their 50s, recognise themselves or their relationship anywhere on screen? "This might be because we’re noticing them more but I definitely feel like we’ve hit a zeitgeist somehow and there are more films and shows about lesbians," says Mia. "But I don’t think I remember seeing anything about a portrayal of two heterosexual women falling in love. We have the author of Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert (who was in a same-sex relationship with her late best friend), the woman who wrote the Moomins and my mum, who I found out recently was in love with her best friend but neither would leave their children so they wrote long, hand-delivered letters to each other, every day." Something in Blue Is The Warmest Colour chimed with Alice: "I thought it was beautiful and amazing, how Adèle opened up and realised she was drawn to girls. It made me think that if people had been more accepting when I was growing up, I might have opened up in that way too."
I feel upheld to my highest self so I have to keep growing. A woman can do that for another woman; they’re like support bras for each other.
The growth in representation of LGBTQ characters mirrors the fact that culture is more accepting now than it ever has been. Until recently it was fairly common for lesbian characters to be portrayed as grumpy (presumably because they couldn’t get a man), frumpy (presumably because they didn’t need to dress in a way that men perceived as sexy) or gratuitously hot, sex-mad wife-stealers. Basically, they were a threat to men. But the breadth of LGBTQ characters – as well as IRL public figures – has meant that coming out and being gay is much less scandalous than it used to be. Mia agrees. "I think it’s completely different for young gay people now. The adult children of my friends who know about us are extremely underwhelmed by the news as it seems to be completely normal to be gender fluid or bi – even trans seems mainstream now."
Mia and Alice plan to get married later this year. They’re buying a house together and consolidating their lives into one, in part because it makes economic sense to have one house, one washing machine, but also because they are best friends who are in love with each other. "I know so many women who hit a wall of depression in their 50s; their kids have left home, they are locked into mortgages," says Alice. "But Mia and I are in a place where we can ask ourselves, 'What can this love create together?' I feel seen, I feel heard, appreciated, acknowledged and enjoyed. I’ve never felt so aligned with another person, and most importantly, I feel upheld to my highest self so I have to keep growing. A woman can do that for another woman, they’re like support bras for each other."
Gay, straight, binary, non-binary; every relationship is a different and personal journey. The day Alice went to Mia’s wellness retreat turned out to be life-changing for both of them. "Our relationship feels extraordinary," says Mia. "It’s just love. It’s a wonderland of ways to simply express love."
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Welcome toMoney Diaries, where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking a cross-section of women how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period – and we're tracking every last penny.
This week, in honour of Life Begins At, our week celebrating women over 50, we're with a 65-year-old retiree in Cornwall...
"I’m living an idyllic life near the sea, after a terrible four-year illness. I live with my husband – we’re both retired and our two children have flown the nest.
I wake up each morning with the aim of making a difference to the lives of people less fortunate than myself, enjoying many voluntary/charity roles. My days are my own for the first time in my life and I maximise every hour.
I feel fortunate to have reached pensionable age and manage on my £600 monthly amount, together with some interest on savings and repayments from my daughter of her debts to top it up to £1,000. We’re also very lucky not to have a mortgage for the first time in our lives, after downsizing two years ago.
If for any reason we require extra money for the purposes of holidays, for example, we will dip into our savings, believing that it’s far more important to capture time with our precious family and treat everyone to a special holiday, than to leave it to them in our wills."
Industry: Retired Age: 65 Location: Penzance, Cornwall Salary: £1,000/month, a mixture of pension (£150/week) and savings allowance. Number of housemates: One, my husband
Monthly Expenses
Housing costs: Council tax £130/month Food: £250/month, includes entertainment Utilities: £120/month Transportation: Roughly £30/month on petrol (free buses) Phone bill: £80 (includes mobile, TV/internet) Savings contribution: £30 Other: £30 charity contribution
Day One
6.30am: Wake up early and have a big cup of hot lemon, ginger and honey, along with a banana. Snooze and WhatsApp until 9. My husband is unwell, so start planning the day ahead without him!
10am: I have organised a lunch club, where a group of friends aim to get together as often as possible. Today I’ve booked a lunch for 10 of us (sadly minus my ill husband so we’re down to nine).
11am: First I need to get some food out of the freezer for supper party with best tennis friend, who I rarely see as she’s doing a master's degree away at university. Could do without a catering challenge after delicious lunch out, but so be it!
11.30am: Friend arrives to pick me and a neighbour up for our lunch – they’ve both been abandoned by their wives, in a healthy way, not uncommon behaviour around here!
12pm: We arrive at the restaurant. It’s actually a training restaurant, part of the local further education college, but the food is really exquisite and is £8 for two courses, or £10 for three courses. I order the very popular antipasti but request they mix the vegetarian with the meat so I get a little of each. Success! I follow with arancini, pesto mushroom, sauce vierge, broccoli, then chocolate pavé with orange ice cream. We order one bottle red, two bottles white, a beer and coffees. It comes to £18/person and we give £2 tip each. Never disappoints. £20
2pm: Get my lift to drop me in a village nearby so I can collect the all-important newspaper – my husband's daily ritual. He’s been waiting longer than usual for it, but oh well! Stride off at a pace climbing up the steep hill home, about a mile.
3.30pm: On with preparing the evening meal, which is beetroot, ginger, carrot and orange soup with smoked mackerel paté and fennel orange cucumber salad. Then gorgonzola stuffed chicken wrapped in bacon with roasted veg, followed by homemade coffee ice cream.
10.30pm: Supper goes off brilliantly after couple of hours' vital catch up (so busy talking, forgot to cook potatoes) – it’s been too long! End result: We’ve got our valuable friendship up to speed and the house is full of my favourite flowers!
Total: £20
Day Two
7.30am: Always excited to wake up on a Friday. It’s Dawn Chorus – my choir of 45+ strong singers – drop-in, and feels like a big family! We meet in the beautiful café of a local sculpture park and sing from 9.30-11am. It’s £5 in the tin on arrival. There’s so much going on round here, mainly in the world of arts/music, regularly charity-driven.
The choir is a platform for numerous charity events, and my voice is usually the loudest, announcing fundraising events. Today I ask everyone to "turn your drawers out for the homeless", which I’ve done myself this week, delivering two large black plastic bags of winter clothes to our local office which distributes throughout the county to the homeless. They were absolutely delighted, as people are desperate, cold and wet, sleeping rough. I committed to spread the word, verbally and via Facebook, and offer my services to be a collection point.
11.15am: Much networking at coffee afterwards. I get a large oat milk cappuccino, £3. The café returns to normal business, and I’m the last to leave, as always, because I never want to – it’s my "escape location". I find it very nurturing; there’s a magical boardwalk through the woods and tropical plants, where you can spot the sculptures. There’s also a newly opened gallery, an architectural splendour built of green oak, a specialist succulents nursery and a shop selling interesting bespoke gifts made locally.
1pm: Home via supermarket, having phoned my husband to see what he feels like eating, if anything. I spend £31.11, seems a lot but I did buy a water filter, conscious that my husband needs to drink more. And two bottles of white wine increased the spend, which otherwise was mostly fruit and vegetables.
3pm: I don’t have time to finish my lunch as a singing friend arrives to see my garden. We sit outside in the lovely afternoon air, not realising it's chilly, talking heart-to-heart.
5.30pm: I liquidise the delicious hearty soup when my husband shows interest in a bowl and after an hour he heads off to have a beer with his mates, both local and visiting. I dish two cartons of soup up and head off delivering to best neighbours. What gratitude, but I refuse the invitation to go to listen to a local history talk nearby, in favour of being home alone – a rare privilege. Think about making my Christmas cake, but decide to do my money diary instead and phone a friend.
8.45pm: It's an uneventful supper, my husband doesn't want any so I just enjoy a bowl of goodness – my soup! I’ve also realised I’ve got a free day tomorrow, yippee, so it’s gardening here we come!
Total: £39.11
Day Three
7am: Realise I need to address my husband’s illness, as it’s the weekend and he’s not much better. Start researching out of hours NHS and get through to a doctor and an appointment is made at 12.45 in our local hospital.
12.45pm: We see a young GP, efficient and professional. The NHS Urgent Care Service was amazing, and is surprisingly little known. We take a prescription to the pharmacy and buy cough/voice lozenges to help my ongoing chest condition. £4.45
2pm: Ham salad lunch and head out to garden in the cool, fresh but sunny air. Achieve jobs that have been on the list for weeks, including autumn tidying, planting bulbs underneath new plants – ever planning ahead!
5.15pm: Feeling cold and needing an early bath to get ready for evening out.
7.25pm: Leave for an evening wedding party where we used to live for 30 years. There’s a wonderful collection of friends from the past, so much chat down memory lane until my husband says he has to go home, not feeling well. We buy three glasses of wine, quite pricey at £17. Also, we put £30 cash in a card, wishing the newly wedded couple a long and happy life together. £47
10pm: Sad to have to leave a vibrant party early but grateful we’d made it, an uncertainty earlier in the day.
Total: £51.45
Day Four
1.30am: Up with migraine from hell, not able to keep painkillers down. No sleep.
8-9.45am: Send messages/phone, making arrangements/apologies that I’m not able to make a couple of engagements today.
10am: After my husband gets up I manage to get two hours' sleep with help of painkillers.
3pm: My desire to eat a banana/grapes means my husband goes off shopping. While he’s out, a good friend pops by with a jolly bunch of flowers but she’s ill with pneumonia so I just talk to her through upstairs bedroom window briefly, as she's feeling exhausted. A true act of kindness and love.
4.15pm: Bananas/grapes delivered to my bedside. Just able to cope with the daylight, realising I’m missing a beautiful autumn day, I draw the curtains back. Send an exchange of messages, thanking my caring friends for their kindness and enjoying a wheatgrass smoothie I manage to make while I attend my flowers.
Total: £0 as been ill in bed all day
Day Five
6.50am: Feeling stronger and a bit restless, I make tea while my husband sleeps. With Radio 4 on in the background, I do some emailing and later ring our doctor's surgery to enquire about hospital results. No news, ring back later. I also send a message to our son in Australia, and respond to a missed call from our daughter in London, she’s trying to sponge off our Sky TV subscription to access it from her home there.
10.15am: FaceTime call comes through from our son and his girlfriend, saying they wanted their smiling faces to cheer us up, which they do!
12pm: Decide to risk a blast of beautiful fresh air and walk up the mile-long hill. Hover over a box outside a cottage with sweet little selection of bags/hats – all for sale for £1! Don’t have money but a singing friend pops up and lends me some, so a simple woolly hat to fight the biting north wind. Money dropped through letterbox. Lovely way of shopping!
1pm: Cook a big brunch for myself having missed breakfast. Two eggs scrambled, grilled streaky bacon and grilled tomatoes, all of which I already had in the fridge.
1.45pm: I have amassed a collection of valuables to take to my friend who is an auctioneer, for free valuation. But struck the wrong day, as it’s a viewing day with a sale due tomorrow. So we politely oblige and view the numerous interesting items to be auctioned. There is a large collection of ceramics; a very pretty tea service, thrown locally, catches my eye.
2.45pm: Set off to supermarket, but only a very small shop. Buy two fancy ready meals, grapes, bananas and soft cheese. £17.95, paid by my husband.
3.45pm: Home in time to greet a dear old friend and his dog, for tea and mince pies. Much chat, he’s a fascinating person, but very lonely. I ask if he wants to stay longer and walk the dog in our village with me, but he declines. Relax and do a couple of hours messaging/googling and feel a surge of energy and purposefulness.
8pm: Hoover and mop the whole house and feel great sense of achievement.
8.30pm: For supper we have the same delicious fish pie and vegetables as yesterday, we enjoy it so much, after having both been off our food.
11.25pm: Time to give in to the day and retire to bed.
Total: £1
Day Six
6.40am: Wake up but too early to offer my husband tea. Listen to Radio 4 for a while, before ringing the surgery as my husband is still unwell and make appointment with doctor for later.
8.20am: Make tea (lemon, ginger, honey) and have a banana each, alongside Radio 4. Relax until it’s time to rise at 10ish, dress ready for yoga later and catch a lift down the hill where my husband gets his newspaper, in order to stride up the hill home.
11.10am: Meet my husband in our village Quiet Garden, where he is delighting in a new shiny lawnmower, along with a man who manages the maintenance of our village’s open communal spaces. My husband raised £1,000 through generous donations for his recent 80th birthday (instead of gifts), funds of which were used to buy the new mower to maintain the gardens and churchyard. Two very happy chaps, with their delivery of a new toy!
Walk home for same brunch as yesterday via my neighbour, to invite him for supper tomorrow evening as he’s been alone for a week. He's delighted. Offer him a top up of soup, but he has enough for lunch today.
1pm: Off to weekly yoga, Iyengar, taught by one of the few advanced Iyengar practitioners in the country. I’ve been a loyal student in her classes for nearly 40 years! We do my favourite – backbends – as the basis of the hour and a half class of just seven pupils. Lucky us, held in a beautiful Georgian building dedicated to natural therapies. I realise I don’t have a purse so put an IOU note for £9 in the book, agreed by the teacher.
3.15pm: Walk down the town to do the weekly local shop of fruit/vegetables, important to me that they’re grown locally too. English strawberries and raspberries, four lemons, local bunched carrots. £4.78, using the emergency £5 note I keep inside the back cover of my mobile phone. (Note to self – replace when I get home.)
3.50pm: Arrive home to the surprise of my husband, early. I make him tea and lemon ginger honey for me, with a crumpet/orange. Do a few kitchen chores and settle down to relax, listening to some music as my husband departs for his doctor’s appointment. Receive a call from his sister, a lengthy chat, as she was seeking my culinary advice.
Do some important lengthy emails and messages, thanking family and friends for their generosity on my husband’s 80th birthday.
8.45pm: Supper, a deluxe ready meal – lasagne and vegetables – not quite as enjoyable as their fish pie though.
1.25am: Oh crikey, where’s the time gone? My husband went bed-wards hours ago, but I do like my own company and space at each end of the day!
Total: £4.78 (£9 IOU)
Day Seven
5am: Wide awake! Pour a drink of water and take a couple of painkillers to help general aches. Too early to get a banana methinks. Attempt sleep – better plan!
7.30am: Awoken by caring friend/fellow migraine sufferer enquiring about my head. Then a knock on the door, Western Power asking if we have a transformer in our back garden. I answer him through the upstairs bedroom window. Another beautiful autumn morning! Then my neighbour rings to enquire whether we have a power cut too.
8am: Downstairs to start the rhythm of morning life – a banana each and tea. Cut up fresh pineapple for chilling for supper tonight.
9am: Long lazy bath and hair wash before I head off to farmers' market in crisp morning sunshine, arriving first, so help set up tables. Coffee £2. No cake. £1 for bag of freshly picked watercress from local stream. Delicious. Locals gather at the farmers' market and there’s always much chat and networking. I unexpectedly won eight tickets in an auction at the local pub for a guided walk of the historic town nearby, so just seeing if anyone wants to join and perhaps make a day of it with lunch beforehand. Saunter home with friends and chat to neighbours on way. The sun is as warm as a summer’s day!
12pm: Cook myself same delicious grilled breakfast, make smoothie out of free windfall apples from the market, with ginger, honey, zest of orange/lemon. Yummy!
12.45pm: Got so immersed in planting that I missed the start of talk in church about its architecture. I go along but quit at the tea break, as didn’t feel like making polite conversation, preferring gardening in advance of preparing supper for neighbour.
4pm: A friend pops by with her three tiny children, she has a business selling hand-loomed hammam towels, which we help out with by storing in our garage. I help her to load up, as her mail order business is really busy.
6.15pm: Stop gardening and start preparing evening meal, after hanging washing on the line. Chicken thighs, jacket potatoes and vegetables with my homemade citrus apple blackberry jelly. Fresh fruit for pudding with my homemade berry coulis. All ready for when our guest, our neighbour, arrives at 7pm. Starters casually served in the lounge, crisp biscuits with soft French cheese, baby tomatoes and cucumber.
10pm: Successful meal over and pudding swiftly enjoyed, and our friend departs!
Whether you're a fan of professional treatments or stick on a sheet mask once in a while at home, there's no denying the relaxing power of a good facial. Sometimes, the time spent doing nothing but focusing on your skin can have a profound effect on your wellbeing as well as your complexion – a notion acupuncturist, aromatherapist and healing holistic facialist, Annee de Mamiel seconds.
"Skincare can be a holistic thing," de Mamiel told R29 when we caught up with her recently. "It’s not a mindless act," she continued. "With things like oils, for example, I like to encourage people to count out the drops one by one so they're really thinking about that, because with every product comes a ritual of application." It makes sense and with winter just around the corner, more and more of us are already stepping up our skincare game, but while adding extra hydration is all well and good, it might be worth giving your skin a little more attention in the form of a facial massage.
We know what you're thinking: who has the time? But it doesn't have to take forever. Known for her iconic and ultra-relaxing Cleanse Release 10 technique, de Mamiel shared her tips for incorporating a speedy, holistic massage into your skincare routine. It's perfect for drier skin types and it only takes 10 minutes.
"Cleanse Release 10 is basically 10 minutes of cleansing," said de Mamiel. "Simply take your makeup off (R29 recommends using a gentle yet effective makeup remover like Nivea's MicellAir Professional Micellar Water, £5.99) and spend around four minutes massaging your skin with a cleansing balm, such as the Restorative Cleansing Balm, £62." If your skin errs on the dry side but a balm feels a little too heavy, opt for a cream cleanser, like Liz Earle's Cleanse & Polish Hot Cloth Cleanser, £16.50. It softens thanks to the cocoa butter, soothes with chamomile and works to gently exfoliate away dead skin cells, uncovering fresher, brighter skin. The pure cotton cloth comes in handy for the next step, too.
Once you've massaged in your cleanser for a total of four minutes and really dislodged every scrap of makeup, oil and grime, de Mamiel suggests using warm or hot water to get everything off, then following that with exactly two minutes of cold water, whether you want to press a soaked muslin cloth to your skin or prefer to splash your face with running water. "I've found that the skin shines afterwards," said de Mamiel. "Three days of doing that and you’ll see such a difference. I would then pat the water off, press the Dewy Facial Mist, £52, into skin and apply an elixir, like Intense Nurture Antioxidant, £88, to give skin a hydration boost." If that's out of your budget, The Ordinary's Resveratrol 3% + Ferulic Acid 3%, £5.50 and Lumene's Nordic C Valo Glow Boost Essence, £29.90 (which contains vitamin C) are just as effective at staving off the effects of pollution and other environmental aggressors. "Then, simply layer on a seasonal oil (de Mamiel formulates oils for spring, summer, autumn and winter) on top – and that’s all you need," she adds.
The technique is most important, though. "Whenever I put product on I massage it in for a good few minutes because that’s the best way to release tension," continued de Mamiel. "If you go up to the corner of your eyebrows with both of your thumbs, you should find a notch, which is a draining point. There is also a draining point in the middle of our brow. If you spend a few seconds pressing these areas and understanding and knowing your face, it can be so beneficial for draining sinuses, increasing circulation and relieving stress. I recommend not looking in the mirror and just feeling it. Take the time to understand where you’re pressing – when I massage in clinic, I never have my eyes open. Feel the temperature and texture and be fully engaged in what you’re doing."
And the best time to incorporate facial massage into your routine, according to de Mamiel? "Definitely on a Sunday and especially so in the colder months." Great skin all round.
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To celebrate 100 years of women's suffrage, Amnesty International and Everpress have teamed up with nine women and non-binary artists to create 'Rebellion', a collection of limited-edition T-shirts to promote human rights defenders worldwide.
The 'Rebellion' T-shirt project is part of Amnesty's Write for Rights campaign, which supports female activists who have been persecuted for leading powerful global movements, including women affected by Northern Ireland's restrictive abortion law and Marielle Franco, an LGBTQ and black rights activist who was shot dead by security forces in Rio de Janeiro earlier this year.
"Sexual harassment, the denial of reproductive freedoms and gender-based online violence are just a few of the abuses women, trans and non-binary people face every single day. But around the world people are rising for their rights," says Kate Allen, director of Amnesty UK. "The movement for gender justice and equality is strong, powerful, brave, courageous and determined. We’re delighted to be collaborating with Everpress and this exciting group of artists to create a range of T-shirts so that people can wear their rebellion, protest or statement with pride."
The T-shirts are available at Everpress for £25 each, with 50% of profits going towards Amnesty's support for defenders of women's rights. All designs are available for three weeks only (until 26th November) and feature illustrations by visual artists Bambi, Alice Skinner, Hazel Mead, Age of Reason, Camilla Perkins, Leyla Reynolds and Jacob V Joyce, Nomad Clan and Margarita Rebolledo Hernández.
Click through to see some of the T-shirts...
Bambi
"The suffragette Emily Davison is my hero. Davison was a woman of almost unimaginable courage who repeatedly ran the gravest personal risks in pursuit of the campaign for women’s votes," says Bambi, who based her design on suffragette Emily Davison.
Amnesty International Suffragette Vandal, $25, available at Everpress
Ali Mapletoft
"I’m inspired by memories of the women from my childhood. Every woman has a voice, and it's through using our voices that we rise," shares Ali Mapletoft.
Amnesty International Together We Rise, $25, available at Everpress
Alice Skinner
"I have formed and am part of so many incredible online spaces for women online, who always have each other's backs and I thought my illustration would be a great way to demonstrate this allyship and women coming together on the internet to help create communities," says Alice Skinner.
Amnesty International Keyboard Warriors, $25, available at Everpress
Camilla Perkins
"It shocks me that even in 2018 in Northern Ireland the human rights of women are being breached by not allowing them safe and free access to abortion services," says Camilla Perkins, whose 'My Choice' design was inspired by Amnesty’s campaign for abortion rights in Northern Ireland.
Amnesty International My Choice, $25, available at Everpress
Jacob V Joyce
"I hope it will resonate with the same urgency as Angela Davis’ quote 'You have to act as if it were possible to radically transform the world, and you have to do it all the time'," says Jacob V Joyce.
Amnesty International Future Is Queer, $25, available at Everpress
Hazel Mead
"The issue of online violence was something that I hadn’t seen tackled much before so this subject matter intrigued me. I wanted it to be a message about holding social media companies to account," says Hazel Mead, who based her design on the work of online violence campaigner Seyi Akiwowo.
Amnesty International Toxic Twitter, $25, available at Everpress
Leyla Reynolds
"I wanted to depict unity in the face of adversity in this piece, which is why I named it after the Audre Lorde quote 'I am deliberate and afraid of nothing' in order to demonstrate the unity we embody when we engage in truly intersectional feminism," says Leyla Reynolds.
Amnesty International I Am Deliberate, $25, available at Everpress
Margarita Rebolledo Hernández
"The idea for this illustration was born from the brainstorming for a direct action, and shows characters that also have children with them. This is to counter the fake narrative that is sometimes heard from anti-choicers, arguing that pro-choice activists are against life, or against newborns. It is quite the opposite: campaigning for reproductive rights means being supportive of a woman's right to decide over her body," says Margarita Rebolledo Hernández.
Amnesty International Our Bodies Our Rights, $25, available at Everpress
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Party season has officially landed: Topshop's collaboration with the sequin-laden British designer Michael Halpern is here. The most-hyped designer of London Fashion Week’s AW18 schedule back in February, Halpern’s aesthetic has every soiree in your calendar sewn-up, from mish-mash prints to disco-dancing shapes.
Halpern's collections ooze high-impact glamour, and the 28-piece line, available at Topshop stores globally and online today, is no different. With prices starting at £35, we can all get in on the Studio 54 drama, too. Think electric neon, pattern sequins, and show-stopping disco ball jumpsuits - the only question is which piece do we wear for New Year's Eve?
“I think it’s fabulous that as a younger brand we’re able to work with Topshop, making the type of clothing we do for the main Halpern collection in an accessible way, so more people can really feel the glamour,” founder and creative director Michael explains. “I want the whole world to feel as glam as possible, and this type of collaboration is a fantastic way to accomplish that.”
The New York-born designer graduated from Central Saint Martins in 2016, and has garnered a huge fanbase in London thanks to his London Fashion Week debut in February 2017. His glittering designs have been worn by the likes of Adwoa Aboah, Lupita Nyong’o, Marion Cotillard, Diane Kruger and Amal Clooney, and his eye for entrancing sequins won him the 2017 British Emerging Talent Award for Womenswear at the Fashion Awards.
“We are thrilled to collaborate with Michael; especially at such an exciting time in his career,” Anthony Cuthbertson, Global Design Director at Topshop & Topman, said. “Our capsule embodies the disco spirit and signature feminine silhouettes he is renowned for; we can’t wait to bring the world of Halpern to Topshop with styles that will no doubt kick-start the partywear season.”
With neon velvet separates, printed two-pieces, sequin-adorned jumpsuits, and iridescent camo-print mini dresses, the collection is brimming with ‘70s disco fever. Bring on the party.
Shop our favourite Topshop x Halpern pieces here:
The 28-piece collection is available in selected Topshop stores globally and online at www.topshop.com now.
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Converse is an iconic brand that is equally nostalgic and forward thinking, making wardrobe staples ideal for all kinds of creative lifestyles. As today’s definition of creativity is expanding, the lines between different mediums are becoming more blurred. So what do you wear to create the future? We asked three UK-based individuals, Ashley Verse, Lava La Rue, and Erin O'Garro to produce a special lookbook for Converse x ASOS and show us how to best style the new Chuck 70 sneaker. The brand’s latest shoe is equal parts functional, utilitarian and stylish − the perfect genesis for an exclusive collaboration.
Here we speak with the three creatives about the shoot, their biggest style influences and what they love most about the Chuck 70.
LavaDesigned by Anna Jay.
Where did you find inspiration for the shoot?
Ashley Verse: There wasn't a set inspiration for this project. The brief was all about doing it yourself and being part of the youth culture here in London. So we honed in on that and pulled together our different perspectives.
Lava La Rue: We utilised the tools around us. The space was beautifully derelict with room for our energy to fill and transform it.
Erin O'Garro: I live on Pinterest and I often draw things from my imagination. Because I work with a collective of people, we're always bouncing ideas off each other and I'm able to mock things up quite quickly. For this shoot, it was just trial and error. I drew things I had seen in the past and then found inspiration from other things I saw on the internet.
What are your biggest style influences?
Ashley: I take inspiration from a lot of different places, things such as the UK Grime culture and American hip hop culture constantly influence me. I also tend to shoot on lots of residential backgrounds that include gritty textures because that's what I grew up surrounded by.
ErinDesigned by Anna Jay.
Lava: My culture, my Jamaican heritage, my London heritage. The artists around me. My idols. I lived in Japan for a couple of months last year and the people I met there had a lasting impact on my eye for clothing. I’ve always tried to dress like the strong female characters from my favourite films too.
Erin: I would say Rihanna because I love that you can see her personality through her clothing. Beyond that, Solange is a big influence for me because she doesn't give a damn. Anyone that presents themselves like that is a huge inspiration for me; I could see someone on the train somewhere, in a fur coat and pink hair, and I wouldn't be afraid to try it out myself.
What is it that you love most about the Chuck 70?
Ashley: Because of their wide shape I find them really comfortable, I also love the glossy bottom and sole.
Lava: I bang Chucks. I feel like they can be both classy and wavey at the same time. I remember customising my first pair of Chucks as a kid.
Erin: I love Converse in general but what I love most about the Chuck 70 is their wearability and that you can wear them with absolutely everything from girly dresses to trousers. Plus, I can wear them to work. My job involves me running around and going to huge warehouses, but it also requires me to go to very ornate places where you have to be well presented. This is the kind of shoe that can exist in both places.
AshleyDesigned by Anna Jay.
How do you maintain your personal style?
Ashley: I wear a lot of streetwear but also occasionally wear more tailored pieces. I'll switch back and forth between different styles as it's a fusion of everything. Sometimes I wear colours, sometimes my look is completely monochrome. I take each day as it comes and a lot of what I wear depends on my mood or what I have going on that day.
Lava: I constantly swap clothes with my friends, so once I’ve worn a look, even if I love it, I swap it with a look they’ve done.
Erin: My hair is always changing and that is the most consistent thing about my style. I always style myself around my hair. I really enjoy that about myself. Equally, I'm really into print and art. I'm not scared to present myself in a creative way so I try to be open to things that sometimes people fear.
A curious convergence of fiction and reality happened to me during the Kavanaugh-Ford Senate public hearings in early September. At the time, I was readingThose Who Knew, a novel by Idra Novey out November 6. In the book, a woman cradles damning knowledge about a rising star politician. Lena and the politician, Victor, had been involved decades earlier, and Lena still remembers his violent treatment of her acutely. Does Lena come forward, even if she knows she might be squashed in the process, or does she remain silent?
Looking back, I recognise how much Novey's book actually helped me through the emotional tumult of watching the hearings. That's part of the magic of books. As much as they can transport us away from our lives, they also help us make sense of them.
These are the most spell-binding releases of November, with a genre for everyone.
Daughters of the Lake has everything you could want in a spell-binding read: unexpected family secrets, ghosts, tragic love stories, intertwined fates. After she discovers her husband cheating on her, Kate Granger moves back to her childhood home on Lake Superior. Not long after she moves, the bodies of a woman — the same woman Kate's been dreaming about — and her infant child wash up on the lake. As Kate sets forth on a mission to find the woman's identity, the book goes back in time to Great Bay in 1889, where two Michigan girls are just sparking their friendship. The stories connect in clever ways.
Instructions for reading Northwood: Clear our an hour or two. Make some tea. Shut the door, and prepare for an emotional and sensory experience. Meijer’s stunning novella blends fable with bracing realism, as well as prose with poetry, to create an intoxicating portrait of an intense love affair and its aftermath. Anyone who’s lost themselves in love of their art or in love for another person will relate to this narrator’s journey.
In this bracingly honest memoir, comedian and writer Lane Moore unabashedly names the feeling that has defined her life: loneliness. According to Moore’s description of her childhood, she grew up like Matilda ’s Matilda Wormwood — but without the saving grace of Miss Honey. Now an adult, Moore hasn’t shaken the insecurities that come with growing up lacking love. As the former sex and relationships editor at Cosmopolitan and the creator of the comedy show Tinder Live!, Moore is especially equipped to address the taboo of loneliness, along with other adult problems, with hilarity and aptness.
Somewhere in an unnamed country, a woman harbours a secret that could drastically change the political landscape. The country’s young liberals are enamoured with Victor, a senator and a rising political star. Lena knows better, because she has intimate knowledge of Victor’s real character. Idra Novey, who is also a poet, combines the best of lyrical language and propulsive plot in all her novels, Those Who Knew included. She balances sharp psychological insights with plot twists and, miraculously, humour. Those Who Knew is the book you need in a culture that routinely hears – and ignores — public figures' historical treatment of women. In addition to being timely, it’s simply superb.
Bender’s collection of short stories speaks to the here and now with an almost shocking degree of prescience. Case in point: The collection's first story is about two elderly Jewish women tasked with making sure their synagogue is protected in case a shooter arrives, eerily reflecting the recent tragedy in Pittsburgh. Bender's stories are unnerving — they track the slow warping of a mind pressured by threats of instability, danger, and falling without a net to catch them. Essentially, of us. Bender is an exquisite writer, and this book really will act as a brutally honest but empathetic guide to navigating the now.
Literature is populated by unusual paintings. You can find Ways to Hide in Winter ’s Kathleen, a young widow living in a remote corner of Pennsylvania while struggling with an opioid addiction, and Daniil, a man claiming to be a visiting student from Uzbekistan, on that list. When Daniil confesses to committing a heinous crime back home, Kathleen is pulled into his world. What results is a tautly plotted thriller cradled by a well of emotion.
Imagine what sisters Inja and Miran’s lives would be like, had the Korean War never happened. They would’ve grown up alongside one another. Instead, the sisters’ parents had to choose one daughter to take with them to the USA. Miran, the sicklier sister, grew up in the United States with their parents, and Inja remained in South Korea with their extended family. They grow up in a state of constant yearning. The Kinship of Secrets is a historical companion for anyone who read Pachinko by Min Jin Lee or If You Leave Me by Crystal Hana Kim, two other novels about Korean history.
Fact: Chunky YA fantasy epics make for unparalleled literary escapes. Kingdom of the Blazing Phoenix is a sequel to the fantastic A Feast of Thousand Lanterns, which tracks Xifeng’s journey from village girl to ruthless empress. The sequel catches Princess Jade, banished to the countryside after her step-mother took power, just at the moment she realises that she is the only one who can restore balance to the kingdom. Dao’s book combines East Asian folklore with classic fantasy elements to thrilling end results.
Lucia Berlin isn’t around to witness her meteoric rise to fame; she won’t get to read tributes in The New York Times and The New Yorker and The Paris Review. Berlin died in 2004 after three marriages, four sons, and 76 short stories published in small presses. In 2015, her posthumous story collection A Manual For Cleaning Women was published by Farrar, Straus and Giroux and flew off bookshelves; this year, more of her stories will be released in the collection Evening in Paradise. Read one of her powerful, authentic stories that peer right into the human condition, and you'll understand the hype.
As Karina Longworth’s acclaimed podcast You Must Remember This proves in each enthralling episode, old Hollywood is a fascinating – but not so foreign —landscape. Much of the dynamics between established, powerful men and young women revealed in the early days of the #MeToo uprising have been present all along. Seduction looks at the relationships with women that defined millionaire (and filmmaker, and pilot, and womaniser) Howard Hughes’ life. Seduction is jam-packed with Hollywood scandal and history.
Gina Apostol's novel combines pop culture references, fake movie scripts, road trip tropes, and character studies all in the effort of reexamining the United States' influence on the Philippines — and it works, man. The novel is structured around Chiara Brasi, the daughter of an American director who travels to the Philippines to make her own film, and recruits Magsalin, a translator, for help. They both write a script for the film. Unsurprisingly, both are very different, and show the women's perspectives.
With this novel, fiction master Joyce Carol Oates throws her hat into the feminist dystopia ring. Adriane lives in a near future America that is many of our worst nightmares — citizens are ranked by skin colours, oligarchs have all the power. After delivering a radical graduation speech, she's sent eight decades into the past with the government's time travel technology. Adriane has to adjust to central Wisconsin in 1959.
Oyinkan Braithwaite is rewriting the slasher novel, and man, does it look good. My Sister, The Serial Killer is a wholly original novel where satire and serial killers brush up against each other. Korede is used to cleaning up her beautiful younger sister, Ayoola's, messes — like Femi, Ayoola's boyfriend who winds up dead on the floor. Ayoola claims she killed Femi in "self defense," but he's just the most recent of Ayoola's boyfriends to die in mysterious circumstances. When Ayoola gets her eyes set on Tade, Korede's coworker at the hospital, Korede has to decide whether to intervene. Korede the only one who understands her sister, but the reverse is true, also.
Imagine your boss was a 19 year old still in his dorm room. Such is the life of Amy Reed, a middle-aged mom in Palo Alto who is gainfully employed by a Stanford student. Amy's work and personal lives intersect after her boss launches his revolutionary VR software called Furrier.com, which allows people to experience all the different realities their lives could have taken. What if Amy didn't have this husband, this son? All the members of the Reed family are pulled into a maze of "what ifs" — intoxicating and dangerous.
Want a book you can chomp down? The Adults, an acerbic comedy about adults attempting to be grown-ups, is it. How long is it possible to "play nice" with your ex? Claire and Matt, a divorced couple, don't know, but they're going to try for as long as possible. For the sake of their seven-year-old daughter, Claire and Matt decide to go on a family vacation — and bring their new partners along.
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Party season: two words that instil excitement and fear in equal measure. With annual friend get-togethers, work parties and the endless 'we must catch up before Christmas' drinks, it’s a marathon not a sprint. Forget champagne on Christmas morning; what most of us want by 25th December is a really long lie-in.
Already panicking at the thought of your crammed iCal? Fear not, conquering party season just needs some careful planning, and here at R29 we’ve got you covered. From wardrobe tweaks to makeup hacks and technology must-haves, go the distance this party season with these tricks.
1. Try a deskside face mask
Thought you couldn’t do a face mask at your desk? Think again. Granted, you may get a few stares in the office, but this genius dry sheet mask offers a skincare boost without the hassle of removing your makeup. Using smart Korean-inspired technology, this dry textured mask injects a cocktail of skin-loving vitamins, floral extracts, peptides, oils and butters deep into the skin. Expect a brighter, smoother and more hydrated complexion (even if you’re just about surviving on coffee and hangover Five Guys).
Charlotte Tilbury Revolutionary Instant Magic Facial Dry Sheet Mask, £18, available at Charlotte Tilbury
2. Swap your wallet for a micro bag
Time is of the essence during party season, and the less faff the better. Throughout December, keep your wallet and essentials in a dance floor-appropriate bag. An easy way to up the ante on any outfit, it also saves time when getting ready. Simply stash your other belongings in a canvas tote and leave in the cloakroom or office.
Topshop Dina Diamante Drawstring Bag, £20, available at Topshop
Mango Methacrylate Bag, £89.99, available at Mango
**PROMO FEATURE**
3. Invest in a lifeproof foundation
Long lasting foundation is a non-negotiable in any party season makeup bag. After all, there’s nothing worse than catching sight of your face post-3am to see that your makeup has gone south. Luckily, crafting a base that doesn’t budge needn't take serious time, skills or an extensive kit. With CYO’s Lifeproof Long Lasting Foundation you simply shake, squeeze and blend your desired level of coverage using fingers, brush or a sponge. Hydrating, non-cakey, smudge-proof and lasting up to 24 hours, this foundation is everything we want from going out-out makeup.
CYO Lifeproof Long Lasting Foundation, £7.50, available at Boots
4. Style your hair with dry shampoo
On those days when you find yourself snoozing your alarm for the 14th time, dry shampoo is your saviour. While your standard dry shampoo does a great job of masking your unwashed sins, a texturising spray goes a step further to provide texture, volume and that 'just-styled' finish. Mist on dry hair and scrunch with your hands for a tousled finish, or spray with your head tipped upside down for a fresh and bouncy look.
Oribe Dry Texturizing Spray, £41, available at Cult Beauty
OuaiHaircare Texturizing Hair Spray, £22, available at Cult Beauty
5. Avoid feet fatigue
No one wants to end their evening making a barefoot dash for an Uber with their heels in hand. As that annoying teacher/parent/friend probably once told you: By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. Instead, prevent blisters and sore soles by making sure you have insoles in your heels and pack some rollable flat shoes in your bag.
Rollasole Rollable Flat Shoes, £11.95, available at Rollasole
6. Never run out of juice
Did you even go out if you didn't Instagram it? It's the perennial question of the digital age but becomes even more pertinent come party season. Selfies and stories aside, there’s nothing more annoying than trying to track down a lost friend or booking an Uber when your phone is flat. Enter our favourite technology invention of late: portable chargers. This one comes without wires (because who has time to untangle those) and in on-trend marble. Keep this on your desk at work or pop in your bag, and ensure you never see that frightening 1% again.
Keep this pocket-size rollerball on hand for those inevitable frazzled moments. The invigorating blend of rosemary, grapefruit and geranium essential oils will give you the energy you need while calming your cluttered mind. Simply roll on your pulse points and take a few deep breaths to inhale the scent.
Neal's Yard Remedies Remedies to Roll for Energy, £8, available at Neal’s Yard
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We all know thatChrissy Teigen is the queen of clever comebacks. As the unofficial Mayor of the Internet, it's only fitting that she has a way with words — especially when it comes to clapping back at online mother-shaming haters.
The model, host, and cookbook author recently appeared in a post on her husband’s, John Legend, Instagram. In it, she’s lounging backstage at The Voice, where he’s a judge. It’s a cute, innocent moment complete with her children, Luna and Miles, and mother, Vilailuck. Well, it didn't take long for someone to cast judgment on Teigen for feeding her son from a bottle instead of her breast. Never mind that this commenter had no idea whether breast milk or formula was in the bottle, or that it’s no one’s business how a mother decides to feed their child.
“You no longer breastfeed?” read the comment. Of course, Teigen had the perfect response: : “john never breastfed Miles.”
Teigen has been anything but shy when it comes to sharing her life — both wins and struggles — on social media. She's openly discussed her postpartum depression, posted photos of her "stretchies," and gotten real about getting her body back after having children. She’s even posted video of her breastfeeding baby Luna on her Snapchat. Despite all of this, openness is never an invitation to insert an opinion on someone else’s parenting choices. Luckily, however, Teigen always has the perfect response for her critics.
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Here's a cheerful bit of fashion news that has us genuinely excited: Marc Jacobs is reissuing his famed spring 1993 Perry Ellis collection — y'know, the one that got him fired — but that's not all. The best part about the relaunching of one of the most defining fashion collections of all time is that it'll be reproduced seam-by-seam, which means no "updates" to "classic/iconic wardrobe essentials" — just pure '90s grunge goodness. Re-released this time under his eponymous label with the blessing of Perry Ellis, Jacobs explained (via press release) why now is the time to bring it back: "The ‘Grunge’ collection epitomised the first time in my professional career I was unwavering in my determination to see my vision come to life on the runway, without creative compromise."
In total, 26 key looks will be reissued in their entirety; that means the clothes themselves, plus jewellery, shoes, and accessories will be redone in their original prints, fabrics, and embroideries. Only this time, which you'll see in the lookbook ahead, the collection is modelled by Gigi Hadid, Dree Hemingway, Lily McMenamy (whose supermodel mom Kristen modelled the original collection in a Grace Coddington shoot for Vogue), and more, all shot by Jacobs-favourite Juergen Teller, no less. The collection is available for preorder on Marc Jacobs' site now, but will be available in select department stores and Marc Jacobs boutiques worldwide, too, on November 15.
After famously firing Jacobs in 1993 after fashion journalists, including Cathy Horyn and Suzy Menkes, pelted him with criticism (Horyn dubbed grunge as "anathema to fashion") — causing Jacobs to start the namesake label we know today — Ellis is in full support of the move. As you'll see ahead, this is an example of just how to bring back something from the '90s without ruining it.
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From Kim Kardashian's appetite-suppressing lollipop sponcon to ultra-FaceTuned influencers, before-and-after photos to cleanse communities, Instagram has a reputation for being full of landmines that could wreck your self-esteem and body image. Some research has even shown that frequent Instagram use is associated with greater self-objectification, body image concerns, and appearance comparisons in young women. But Instagram is what you make of it, and some eating disorder experts believe that Instagram could actually be helpful for people in recovery.
When Paige Sklar, 22, entered treatment for anorexia nervosa when she was 18 years old, she felt like her whole identity was wrapped up in her eating disorder. A friend suggested that she follow some body-positivity and pro-recovery Instagram accounts, including National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), which led her to a whole world of people in recovery that she didn't know existed before.
"It gave me a sense of hope, because I was very much still struggling with my eating disorder, and having a lot of body dysmorphia issues," Sklar says. "But seeing that [recovery] is possible uplifted me and kept me going." Today, Sklar works for NEDA and credits social media for getting her where she is today.
Whether you're personally affected by an eating disorder or not, navigating Instagram in a healthy and safe way can sometimes feel impossible. Here are some tips from experts about how to curate your feed and use Instagram in a way that builds you up. Eating disorders are serious mental illnesses, and these are just a few small steps you can take to find support — but every step is important.
If you are struggling with an eating disorder, please call Beat on 0808 801 0677. Support and information is available 365 days a year.
Listen to other people's stories.
Instagram users have the ability to "tell stories that haven't been told about eating disorders," says Claire Mysko, CEO of the National Eating Disorders Association. "One of the things in eating disorder recovery that we encourage people to do is use their voices," she says. There's a common misconception that all people with eating disorders look the same, but that's far from the case. Seeing other people who aren't represented in the typical eating disorder narrative (like men, members of the LGBTQ community, and people of lower socio-economic status) on pro-recovery accounts can be empowering. "Instagram and social media has allowed us to tell those stories and really give visibility to the spectrum of eating disorders," she says.
Speak up.
Unfortunately, some traits and behaviours of disordered eating can be amplified in a social media space, Mysko says. So, it's important to keep in mind that you have control over what you see on Instagram, she says. "If you see something that's upsetting to you, you can unfollow it, but you can also use your voice to comment or report," she says. If there's any content that's actively promoting disordered eating behaviour or imagery, you can report it to Instagram and you will be directed to NEDA, she says. "Be an engaged member [of Instagram], and be thinking about other people who might be in a similar place," she says.
Challenge your perception of beauty.
Instagram gives you the opportunity to curate the types of images you see on a daily basis, and can show you more diverse ideals of beauty than mainstream media does, says Kristina Saffran, co-founder and executive director of Project HEAL, a non-profit organisation that offers recovery support for people suffering from eating disorders. "It's incredibly inspiring to see just how powerful the media images that you see are in shaping your perception of beauty," she says.
Make friends IRL.
As great as it is to "meet" friends on Instagram, there is a limit to the platform, so it's important to find role models in your own life, Saffran says. "Online platforms can be really wonderful, and they also need to be supplemented by offline platforms, and real in-person support networks," she says. Eating disorders can be very isolating, but often when you're in need, the best thing you can do is talk about it and have a conversation with somebody in real life to get it off your chest, she says.
Curate your feed.
One step you can take to make your Instagram feed feel more like a safe space when you're in recovery is to follow the right people, Sklar suggests. Unfollow all of the accounts that you know tend to post things that are triggering for you, and then follow some new people who promote Health At Every Size, body-positivity, and eating disorder recovery, she says. You can also follow and block certain hashtags that you know tend to come up. A few accounts that NEDA suggests following include: Iskra Lawrence (@iskra), Gina Susanna (@nourishandeat), Ryan Sheldon (@bingeeaterconfessions), and Karla Mosley (@karlamose).
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Women are more often sent to therapists instead of prescribed pain management solutions because doctors assume they are overly emotional. And when the patient is young, black and feminine-of-centre, it’s assumed she’s looking for drugs – not for pain, but because she’s an addict. Gender and race play a huge role in how individuals are treated in society, so it's no surprise that this extends to the doctor's office. Activist and John Jay College professor, Dr Alexandra Moffett-Bateau, explains the painful relationship people of colour have with the medical industry.
For more important conversations, make sure you follow Strong Opinions Loosely Held here!
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Discovering a massive government conspiracy that reaches back years into the country's past... sound familiar? Er, sort of! That happens to be the plot of 1983,Netlix's first Polish Original. Netflix released the first full trailer for 1983 today, giving some more details on the somewhat mysterious show. (As of now, Netflix does not have press photos on its site.) The show will arrive on Netflix on November 30.
1983, contrary to what you might think, takes place in 2003, twenty years after a vicious bombing in Poland. As a young law student begins investigating the attack, he uncovers a vast government conspiracy. There shall be cork board theories! There shall be big reveals! There shall be murderous glares across crowded rooms! 1983 is Netflix's stab at the spy thriller, and it's fitting into the genre nicely. The show resembles FX's The Americans in look and the BBC-turned-Netflix series Bodyguard in essence — no one is to be trusted in this show, especially not the government.
1983, while mostly fictional, appears to be based on a period in Poland's history during which the government imposed martial law in order to squash a country-wide labor union movement.
"Never forget," an unseen narrator says in the trailer. "Your people are a nation of sheep. They need a lion." The lion in question may be the law student, who is as of yet unnamed but is portrayed by Polish actor Maciej Musiał. Musiał is known to Polish audiences for his role in the TV show Rodzinka.pl. Most importantly, Musiał will also appear in Netflix's upcoming sci-fi series The Witcher, which stars erstwhile Superman Henry Cavill. (Remember this picture?)
In the past two years, Netflix has expanded into the international market with aplomb, producing critically revered shows like Dark(Germany),Elite(Spain),The Rain (Denmark), and 3%(Brazil). 1983 marks the streaming site's first foray into producing Polish TV, although the site did pick up the Polish series Ultraviolet for distribution earlier this year. These moves are always exciting; Netflix introduces a whole new cast of actors, usually, and, increasingly, international Netflix productions have more to offer than the platform's American counterparts.
I'll leave you with this: Musiał, who is 23 years old, has a fantastic Instagram. Look at this mournful boy in his big hat!
This week on Refinery29, we’re filling your screens and consciousness with inspiring women over 50. Why? Because living in a culture obsessed with youth is exhausting for everyone. Ageing is a privilege, not something to dread. Welcome to Life Begins At...
The figures highlight the very real constraints women face in the 21st century, emotionally (not everyone finds The One in their most fertile years), financially (we can barely afford rent, let alone to raise a child), and socially (having children still has a disproportionately damaging impact on women's careers and long-term earning potential). But it also speaks to the greater freedom women have to become mothers at a time of their choosing; partly because we're all living longer (and in better health) than ever before, and largely also because science has never been better.
Women wanting to become mothers in their 40s and 50s have a world of options to consider: IVF, surrogacy, egg donation (or a mix of all three), as well as adoption and natural conception (if her fertility has already been confirmed by a professional). Conceiving naturally may take longer for a woman in her early 40s than one in her early 20s, and the risks are greater – particularly of miscarriage and pre-eclampsia – but it happens. (Yes, doctors generally advise childbearing in a woman’s 20s or early 30s, but the ubiquitous theory that female fertility dramatically drops off a cliff at 35 has long been overstated.)
Cari Rosen, an editor and writer in her early 50s, based in north London, should know. Rosen became a mother through natural conception for the first time aged 43 and has written a book about the experience. After a prior miscarriage, her GP told her "it was a miracle I’d got pregnant in the first place and it was unlikely to ever happen again. I was devastated – so I was delighted to prove her wrong. I was very lucky."
I'm far more focussed on my daughter growing up than on myself growing older.
Contrary to the popular narrative that most women delay motherhood for career reasons, for Rosen "it was a matter of meeting someone I wanted to have a child with," she explains. "There had been earlier opportunities, but they weren't right for whatever reason. When I met my husband I had no doubts that he was the one, but of course it takes time to make the decision that you want to start a family together. Would I have done it earlier? Yes, if the circumstances had been right. But they weren't."
Parenting a daughter, who is now 10, at an age when many of her peers are enjoying the freedom of an empty nest and travelling the world, has been a life-altering change that's kept her eyes firmly on the positives to come. "I'm far more focussed on my daughter growing up than on myself growing older. But I'm certainly more active than I was before I had a child. I did a power-walking marathon a couple of years ago, go to the gym a lot, and walk everywhere." It helps that her daughter is sporty, too: "I also spend a lot of time running up and down fields shouting encouragement – all good unless it's raining or snowing. It’s not quite as much fun then."
While Rosen has nothing to compare her motherhood experience against, she believes there have been advantages to being slightly older than most. "I was absolutely ready to be a mother, and was also more settled financially and in my career. Had the opportunity to have children earlier presented itself I would have taken it, but it didn’t. I’m delighted it happened at all."
Like Rosen, Bettina Gordon-Wayne, 48, a journalist in Washington, DC who has written about the joy of later motherhood on her website and in a bestselling book, credits having a four-year-old son for her good health and energy levels, which she says are better than they were a decade ago. "I'm in much better shape now because my small child keeps me busy and active. I used to spend my weekend with my computer on the couch working, now we're out and about with Hunter," she says. "Doctors now say sitting down is the new smoking, and while many of our peers with big kids have become sedentary by now and have started talking about their ailments, we're super active and healthy."
Gordon-Wayne conceived naturally after the first time trying with her husband, and believes later motherhood is beneficial for children themselves as well as parents. It wasn't until she married her husband in her early 40s that the thought of having her own children crossed her mind, and even then, she wanted to ensure she was doing it for the right reasons and spent a year working out her doubts and questions about motherhood. "I'm so grateful that I did because I am a much better mother now that I addressed these issues and worked them out before having my child."
There is no urgency for my child to grow up so that my own life can start again.
"Mature motherhood," as Gordon-Wayne describes it, is beneficial "because with age comes wisdom – usually, even if not for everybody – and life experience that we can bring to motherhood and offer our children. We've all overcome obstacles and challenges, and have grown and matured into who we are today in both our professional and private lives. We have a lot to offer our children."
She believes older parents don't "sweat the small stuff" and are usually more relaxed because they're less likely to care what people think. "We're more able to listen to our gut instincts and parent in a way that's right for us and our children and less dependent on books or influence from outside the family."
Mothers in their 40s and 50s are also less likely to feel like they're making sacrifices by having a child, Gordon-Wayne argues, based on her own experience. "We're not afraid of missing out on things, because we’ve done them already. We travelled, we had careers, sometimes first marriages, and are now in a super solid relationship. There is no urgency for my child to grow up so that my own life can start again. It’s very beneficial for the parents to have lived a rich life before becoming parents, but it’s truly valuable for the kids as well."
Older parents often have greater courage to challenge authority, Gordon-Wayne asserts, whether it be medical, political, religious, spiritual "or anyone in a position of power who tells us what we should do — something that’s not so easily done when you're younger and have less life experience."
I am forever grateful – if at times a bit tired – and I wouldn't change it for the world.
Anna*, 52, became the mother of two baby daughters in her late 40s with help from the adoption agency Coram in 2013. Like Gordon-Wayne, she believes "perspective and confidence come with age, in knowing who you are and what your strengths and limitations are." Anna adopted with her husband of a similar age, and admits she was initially self-conscious about her age. "But when you have kids you rarely have the time or headspace to indulge in such hang-ups, and because so many women are now having children later, there are plenty of other parents who are close in age to me."
The prevalence of later motherhood in 2018 means she's never felt hostility towards her decision. "I really don't care what other people think – maybe that comes with age. I am forever grateful – if at times a bit tired – and I wouldn't change it for the world."
She concedes that there have, however, been challenges along the way. "My experience of the perimenopause was challenging and I was too busy with my daughters, who were very young at the time, to take the time to understand what was going on with me. Fortunately I wasn't back working at that stage, but if I had been the juggle would have been difficult."
In Rosen’s experience, the differences between earlier and later motherhood are minimal but there are a few other downsides to becoming a mother later than most. Many of her friends are 10 years younger and have gone on to have other children, while she hasn't. "That’s pretty much the only downside. I would have loved more, but am nonetheless grateful to have the one I have. The bottom line is that if your baby sleeps it’s all much easier, however old you are." And it goes without saying that the older you are, the less likely you are to see your child grow up and to become a grandparent, and the more likely you are to develop an age-related condition that affects your ability to parent.
However, it's difficult to deny the empowering effects of this cultural shift for women and their decision whether or not to become a mother. Rosen interviewed about 100 women for her book about later motherhood, she recalls, and while one woman waited to have children because she wanted to establish her career, the rest largely contradicted the established narrative. "There were a variety of reasons. Some had been in established relationships for many years but struggled to get pregnant. Some hadn't met a partner until later on. Others were single and had made the decision to have a baby anyway, before it was too late. Several already had families but decided to add to them – or welcomed a late surprise. There were so many different stories." Until society makes it easier for women to combine parenting with work in their 20s and 30s, the trend towards later motherhood is only a liberating one.
*Name has been changed
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