A young Romanian woman was abducted on the streets of London in broad daylight. She was then trafficked to Ireland and taken between a series of "pop up brothels" across the country to be used as a sex slave. This is Ana’s* story. Horrifyingly, her experience is shared by many women.
Last year, almost five million women and girls worldwide were forced to endure sexual exploitation. BBC Two’s new fact-based drama Doing Money documents Ana’s story, shedding light on the reality of this type of modern slavery in Britain today. The type that often happens in plain sight.
Ana was studying to be a nurse before her life was upturned. She was taken by Romanian men who threatened the lives of her loved ones back home should she disobey them. In a troubling, eye-opening scene where Ana has just been taken, she sits in the back of her new handlers’ car, shocked, disoriented and partially sighted when they take away her glasses (they later give her the nickname "Blind One"). "You are thinking, Why doesn’t she scream like in the movies? " Ana narrates. "Because it is not like it is in the movies. In real life, you have no breath to scream."
Before she knows it, Ana is trapped in a dangerous system and forced to live at the mercy of her pimps. Her initial refusal to have sex with the paying men of Ireland is met with violence, withholding food and sexual abuse. Glimmers of hope come when the police manage to track down the illegal operation and raid one of the brothels where she and two other young women are kept as slaves. However, it's then that the gravity of how the women are systematically controlled by fear really sets in. One of the investigating officers sits the women down in the living room and asks if they're being kept and forced to perform sex acts against their will. Their female handler lingers in earshot – a reminder of the threat to their families should they fall out of line and unsurprisingly, none of the imprisoned women is able to say anything.
And so the cycle continues. The women are moved to set up shop in a new town and Ana's life continues to deteriorate. Her hair starts to fall out, some of her teeth are broken and much of her body is bruised by men who pay to have violent sex with her. This is what "doing money" – being a sex slave at the mercy of cash-hungry pimps and willingly ignorant punters – looks like. It's devastating to watch as the pattern of abuse spirals throughout the feature, but it couldn't be more important that we sit up and pay attention to what's going on.
"Sometimes I think that every man in the city understands I was doing money." Ana's narration runs over a clip of her walking through a shopping centre. Men who recognise her shudder and avoid eye contact.
Ana eventually told her story to parliament in Belfast which, in turn, went on to help secure the passing of the Human Trafficking and Exploitation Act – the first new law against slavery in the UK for almost 200 years. Nevertheless, stories of women like Ana remain common in the UK and sharing her experience with the world will hopefully give voice and support to other women who feel as trapped and invisible as she did.
Louis Theroux made his grand return to BBC Two on Sunday with the first in his new miniseries, 'Altered States'. In Love Without Limits, the doyen of documentaries visits Portland, Oregon, to investigate polyamory, dubbed "ethical non-monogamy" by its advocates, or open relationships to the rest of us.
As you'd imagine, the topic makes for colourful viewing and is ripe with awkward situations. Theroux follows three poly groups: Joelle, Mattias and AJ, who conduct their non-hierarchical three-way relationship on an eco-homestead; the "thruple" Bob, Nick and Amanda; and married couple Jerry and Heidi, her lover, Joe, and his wife, Gretchen (it's a tangled web to say the least).
Discomfort is a running theme: for those partaking in the relationships (shout out to the long-suffering Jerry), Theroux himself (in one scene he attends a naked "sensual eating workshop"), and the viewer (it's potentially not one to watch with elderly relatives – as some found out).
Everyone felt sorry for Jerry who, despite being in a long-term polyamorous arrangement with his wife, had never been with anyone else and was evidently lonely.
Bob – one third of the "thruple" that could no longer have threesomes because he "lasts a really long time in bed," unlike Nick – got a collective pat on the back.
Then there was the scene in which Theroux attends a "sensual eating" party, which sees him topless and blindfolded, and develops into something of a borderline orgy. There was a lot of touching and feeding going on.
Oh god this is literally the joke they made on Peep Show years ago, with David Mitchell’s character thinking: “I’m Louis Theroux at the orgy! I’m Louis Theroux with his wry smile!” #LouisTheroux
While others just rolled their eyes at the whole country getting its knickers in a twist about non-monogamous relationships.
The reactions to the #LouisTheroux documentary about polyamory is really shocking. I know lots of people in polyamorous/ open relationships. Thank god I'm not vanilla anymore pic.twitter.com/fua0dZsbHP
Recently, we published our autumn 2018 edition of the outdated pieces you should be purging from your closet. Suffice it to say, you all came prepared with a range of strong opinions - from your steadfast loyalty to trends we recommended tossing, to a reminder that people should continue wearing whatever the hell they want. We've heard you and we couldn't agree more.
As a small disclaimer, we interpret our content as suggestions rather than a strict set of rules. And at R29 we're nothing if not big proponents in saying F*ck the Fashion Rules, even the ones we write about. Trends come and go, moods change, and personal style evolves. The changing season is a time to reconsider what's in your wardrobe. An introspective look at our wardrobes is so much more than a tossing of a few fashion missteps, it's a creative outlet and a chance for renewal.
So this time around, we're bringing you back the same story with a twist. Ahead we're highlighting what R29ers around the world are purging and swapping from their wardrobes this season. Use our opinions as inspiration for your own wardrobe clean out, and give us a shout — we'd love to know what you plan on donating, keeping, or investing in right now.
At Refinery29 UK, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.
My personal style: Hyper-feminine-meets-grandma prairie dresses, prints galore, '70s fabrics and silhouettes, vintage anything, plus the odd slogan T-shirt.
The item I'm over and why: Cowboy boots. I so desperately wanted to be able to pull them off (they were everywhere, after all, so I thought I'd find a pair that suited me). Unfortunately my legs were shortened, rather than elongated by the Western style, and I never found a pair that were comfortable enough to storm around the city in!
How I’ll be discarding it: If I've not worn an item, I'll list it on Depop, but if they've had a few uses, I'll take them straight to the charity shop (or a friend with similar taste).
What I'm replacing it with: I'm super excited about the square-toed boots I've spotted everywhere this season. Add a glam-rock detail (think of Sies Marjan's flared heels or Gucci's horse-bit loafers) and I'm good to go!
Hurricane High Ankle Boots, $89, available at TopshopPhoto courtesy of Topshop.
My personal style: Oversized, practical, and unexpectedly girly. I'm always trying to do Rei Kawakubo proud. I love finding gems that everyone else has overlooked. Half my wardrobe is from charity shops, and the other half are things I've picked up from trips abroad.
The item I'm over and why: Small crossbody bags taught me how to pare down and only carry the essentials, and I'll forever be grateful to them! But now that it's time for bulky winter coats, I'm tired of contorting myself in and out of my crossbody bag strap. I can't do another winter of wrestling with my purse each time I enter or exit a building.
How I'll be discarding it: Saving them! I can stack them inside one another, Matryoshka doll-style, and stow them in the back of my closet until spring.
What I’ll be replacing it with: Fashion-y boat-and-totes. I picked up a fun one in Tokyo while I was there shooting the third season of Style Out There. It's got a ton of pockets and zippers, fits everything I need for the day, and is unfussy without being too casual. Plus, it feels real ladylike to hold it by the top handles like it's some sort of fancy lunch box — bonus points that it's grab-and-go, too. No wrestling required!
COS Glow-Print Padded Tote Bag, $55, available at COSPhoto courtesy of Cos.
My personal style: If I had to choose one word to describe my style, I'd have to go with "borrowed." The most stylish people in my life inform the way I dress from my mom's vintage to my friend Michelle's more daring colourful, layered looks. One thing that's always consistent though is comfort and vintage. That and my love for finding a good sustainable clothing buy.
The item I'm over and why: I have so many coats that ride up and pull in the wrong places which I've kept for no reason at all. I'm committed to finally retiring them this season.
How I’ll be discarding it: I'm on a mission to sell or donate all of the clothing in my wardrobe that don't really fit me.
What I'm be replacing it with: I'm overhauling my wardrobe starting with straight leg jeans and a fun, statement puffer! This one from Everlane that's made of recycled plastic is on my list!
Everlane The ReNew Puffy Puff, $122.9, available at EverlanePhoto courtesy of Everlane.
My personal style: Most days, classically feminine and some days, relaxed streetwear. Think cinched at the waist, flowing midi dresses and skirts or tailored high-waisted trousers. Otherwise, I'll sport an oversized jumper, like this one with loose trousers for a lampshade silhouette.
The item I'm over and why: Pencil skirts! When I was fresh out of uni, I thought I needed to start building a corporate wardrobe for interviews. That bizarre fascination with workwear resulted in lots of pencil skirts that I never wear.
How I’ll be discarding it: More than likely I'll be reselling my clothes on Instagram. I've done this before (last summer) and it went very, very well.
What I'm replacing it with: Fabulous, flowing, feminine dresses!
& Other Stories Sheer Stripe Midi Dress, $79, available at & Other Stories
My personal style: I try to look like the type of girl who might be spontaneously invited backstage at a rock concert — lots of leather, faux fur, shiny things, and ‘60s, ‘70s, and ‘90s influences. But I’m also a sucker for a pretty dress.
The item I'm over and why: I spent many years in exclusively super-stretchy, skin-tight jeans, but thanks to Re/Done (and, if I'm being honest, Instagram), I've discovered the wonders of thicker, high-waisted denim. And now I fear I can't go back.
How I’ll be discarding it: I tend to donate the stuff without a lot of resale value and then try to sell pricier pieces on the The RealReal or Poshmark. But I also kind of want to have a big clothing swap! Can someone out there organise this on my behalf? I hate event planning but I have a lot of skinny denim to get rid of.
What I'm replacing it with: I'll definitely be investing in another pair of Re/Done high-rise straight-leg jeans, because they're perfect.
RE/DONE Black Originals Stove Pipe Jeans, $255, available at SSENSEPhoto courtesy of Net-a-Porter.
My personal style: Kid Sister comfortable mixed with 30-year-old casual — mixing culottes with sweater crop tops, solid-colour jumpsuits with vibrant accessories. My goal will forever be: How can I be the sexiest, most comfortable, confident babe everyday?
The item I'm over and why: Anything with a floral pattern — like, I don't know who I was when I bought that floral sundress that clashes with my primarily all-black wardrobe, but she needs to go.
How I’ll be discarding it: I usually send my clothes to any and all plus-size specific consignment shops: Fat Fancy, The PlusBus, PlusBklyn. It's really important for me to support my plus-size community as much as possible to make sure my clothes never go to waste — especially when the plus-size community is consistently underserved and under-resourced.
What I'm replacing it with: All of the low-neck black sweaters, black jackets, black culottes, and black boots — mama needs a uniform.
Eloquii Jason Wu X ELOQUII Tux Blazer, $92, available at EloquiiPhoto courtesy of Eloquii.
My personal style: Comfortable! I may be a fashion editor, but you don’t need to be in a full look to write articles on a laptop. My uniform is black leather Converse high tops, high-waisted trousers (with a wide leg at the moment), black turtleneck heattech tops from Uniqlo, and wool jumpers. I definitely prize fabric quality and fit over trends.
The item I'm over and why: Skinny jeans. They are dead, deceased, over.
How I’ll be discarding it: I won’t. I’m a terrible hoarder, and if something still fits me well and hasn’t fallen apart, it will be kept for occasions when I don’t want to risk ruining my ‘main’ wardrobe. I’ll wear them for gardening on my balcony, cleaning, walking in the countryside, occasional DIY, and moving house.
What I'm replacing it with: I’ve replaced them with wider, straight leg jeans and corduroy trousers. I think they have a more chic profile; they are super comfortable; and I can fit Marks & Spencer thermal long johns underneath to stay cosy in freezing weather.
Adam Lippes Wide Leg Corduroy Silk Trousers, $867, available at FarfetchPhoto courtesy of The Outnet.
My personal style: Erratic? (My mum always just shakes her head when I ask her.) But really, in a headline, it's probably "Area Toddler Steals Mom's Credit Card, Goes To Gucci And Buys Everything But Trousers."
The item I'm over and why: I've begun to ghost my status-quo jeans, which are usually cropped, probably with a bit of a flare. My ankles get cold, and it's possible they're a little too abbreviated, as in people might wonder if I've just hit a growth spurt.
How I’ll be discarding it: I will most likely just push them to the back of my closet until I eventually remember to donate them. Then, on the way back from the charity shop, I'll see something that makes me think of a new way to make them work. Then I'll regret everything.
What I'm replacing it with: Carpenter-y type denim with a break that actually touches the tops of my shoes! Or wider-leg trousers in weird colours à la Ganni.
LF Markey Markey by LF Markey Ecru Carpenter Trousers, $75, available at Urban OutfittersPhoto courtesy of Urban Outfitters.
My personal style: I respect the classics, am interested in what's trending, and love an exaggerated silhouette. I also care about where and how things are made and don't mind spending a little more in consideration of my wardrobe's origins.
The item I'm over and why: I bought a pink Sies Marjan sweater on clearance late last season. I was temporarily pink-notised by all the pastel runways and millennial pink Instagram posts. When it finally got cool enough to wear it last week I realised I'm simply not a pink person. It's still available on Barneys Warehouse if anyone's interested!
How I’ll be discarding it: Usually I tier out my discards: The RealReal for the designer goods, Beacon's Closet for non-designer, and then donate or recycle the rest. But I gave the pink Sies sweater to our Fashion Market Editor Ray because I knew she would like it.
What I'm replacing it with: I'm on the hunt for a really good neutral oversized knit that I can wear all winter long. This item of clothing falls into the invest bucket because want it to be super soft, never pill, and have the perfect slouch. Lauren Manoogian's pricey-but-worthy slouchy turtleneck sweater fits the bill. The baby alpaca knit is made by hand in Peru and I believe in her thoughtful brand ethos. I'll wait to see if Need Supply will be offering a Cyber Monday promo before I pull the trigger though.
Need Supply Co. Oversized Rollneck Sweater, $284.57, available at Need Supply CoPhoto courtesy of Need Supply Co.
Cloudy Zakrocki, Content Director & Creative Director, Refinery29 Germany
My personal style: As my style is very much influenced by the mood of the day, I find it hard to describe. If I had to, I'd say it's a mix of edgy street wear skater-style meets Charlie's Angels with a hint of Studio54 glamour.
The item I'm over and why: As I was very much into the '70s boho style up until a few years ago I let everything go with fringes. Except that one leather jacket from the Kate Moss x Topshop collection, which I had to keep. The style just doesn't work for me any more.
How I’ll be discarding it: While most of my clothes go up on Ebay, I sell the more sleeker styles via The Good Store in Berlin, a second hand store with a neat selection of zeitgeist clothing.
What I'm replacing it with: I am a jacket fiend. One can never have too many statements jackets in their closet. A good, unique jacket can vamp up any simple jeans and a tee combo. Pro tip: take good care of a jackets and you'll find they can last a lifetime.
Blank Denim Leopard Print Jacket, $175.81, available at ShopbopPhoto courtesy of Shopbop.
My personal style: Quick to snap up slip dresses and anything very silky to layer, I will swoon over a really soft sweater and love experimenting with interesting colours.
The item I'm over and why: Turtlenecks. I think I’m in the minority here when I say that I am really not into turtlenecks anymore — I jumped on the trend when it was on the rise but I just couldn’t make it work for me. Every way that I styled it ended up looking disproportionate on me so I’m cutting my losses.
How I’ll be discarding it: I’ll be donating it to the Goodwill.
What I'm replacing it with: I’m going to replace it with backless sweaters which have slowly become my latest knitwear obsession after seeing it at a press preview the other day. I also am starting to gravitate towards a streamlined knit that is sleek instead of a chunky one that may keep me warm but leaves me feeling clunky.
Live The Process Open Back Knit, $176, available at Live The ProcessPhoto courtesy of Live The Process.
My personal style: My style has changed so much since I've started traveling like mad for work. Once upon a time it was '90s inspired cyber cowgirl but now that I basically live out of a suitcase, it's mostly utility pieces with a little bit of fun sprinkled in. Hopefully once I settle back in NYC for autumn/winter I can find the fun and functional again. Time for a total closet overhaul!
The item I'm over and why: Overt statement jackets are fun for about three wears. I fall hard for coats of all kind and so have about 12 statement jacket wears total under my belt. It's time to finally ditch the printed, pearl-encrusted (yes, seriously), and impractical jackets in favour of settling on forever toppers that I won't get sick of.
How I’ll be discarding it: I'll likely sell to Consignment Brooklyn and then donate the rest to GoodWill. As a regular thrift/consignment shopper (there's no shame in it, ladies) I love the idea of someone treasure hunting a piece I've loved and worn.
What I'm replacing it with: Classic yet cosy outerwear that doesn't bore me. This Aritzia number does the trick because it's the perfect, rich caramel colour, is structured, yet has enough texture and chunk to keep my interest this season and for seasons to come.
Babaton Jerome wool coat, $405.5, available at AritziaPhoto courtesy of Aritzia.
My personal style: My style is best described as simple with spice — I stick to well-made basics (soft tees, denim, and sweaters), in mostly neutral hues that I'll jazz up with splashes of retro accents (I'm all about the '70s). Think: chunky gold accessories, high-waisted denim with flair, wrap skirts to dresses and tops, statement sunglasses, or my all-time favourite, a bold lip (alternating seasonally from orange to red).
The item I'm over and why: I never thought I'd say it, but I am so OVER white button-downs. In theory, they're classic, crisp pieces begging to be effortlessly worn with a pair of jeans, loafers, and a swatch of red lipstick — but in reality, they get wrinkled after one wear, the armpits quickly tarnish, and the never tuck smoothly into my jeans or under my sweaters quite the way I'd like them to. Plus, I've bought one too many and now they mock me.
How I’ll be discarding it: I always offer my closet edits to close friends or roomies before bagging them off and shipping them out to thredUP, a fast and easy fashion resale site.
What I'm replacing it with: Form-fitting turtlenecks in neutrals (but maybe staying away from white) — just as classic as the button-down, but much less likely to wrinkle, tarnish, and mock me while attempting to tuck into pants or under sweaters this season.
Uniqlo Women Extra Fine Merino Ribbed Turtleneck Jumper, $24.9, available at UniqloPhoto courtesy of Uniqlo.
My personal style: If Disney and Urban Outfitters shook hands for an ongoing, trend-driven collaboration, it'd look like my closet. I love mixing both sporty and feminine silhouettes with unexpected touches of fun and ~*magic*~.
The item I'm over and why: Over the last couple of years, I fell hard for off-the-shoulder tops. It was fun while it lasted but the cold shoulder trend has got to go for now. I'm finally ready to admit it was annoying to try and keep the shoulder fold from riding up to my neck throughout the day.
How I’ll be discarding it: I'll be trucking my many off-the-shoulder tops to the one secondhand shop where all good trends go to retire: Beacon's Closet. The Brooklyn and Manhattan mecca is the best spot to exchange one tired trend for one that may slowly be coming back.
What I'm replacing it with: Chunky belted cardigans worn as tops are the latest obsession to cross my shopping carts. They're extra comfy and the cinched waist is a good antithesis to my usually bulky and oversized autumn wardrobe.
My personal style: If I could live in a pair of vintage jeans, a white t-shirt and a blazer I’d be set for the rest of my days. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a good routine. But I still like to experiment here and there — including the regular use of men’s swim trunks and cowboy boots in my wardrobe.
The item I'm over and why: For the last three summers or so, I’ve pretty much lived in mules. But as the season came to an end, they all just started blending together and getting, well, boring.
How I’ll be discarding it: I know what I should do when it comes to tossing my giveaway clothes, which is organise them and sell them at the platform where I’ll get the most money. But unfortunately, I haven’t quite mastered the whole eBay thing, so I typically just end up bringing my cast-offs to Beacon’s Closet and donating the rest.
What I'm replacing it with: I’m currently searching for a good pair of mid-calf boots. Unlike mules that you can really only wear from May until September, with a few outfit tweaks, boots can we worn all year long. They’re high enough that you don’t have that awkward inch of skin between your boots and your pants and they don’t take over an ensemble like knee-high boots do. I’ve got my eye on a pair from Miista, but plan to wait and see if they go on sale somewhere before making the splurge.
Miista Carlota Croc Mid-Calf Boot, $307.64, available at MiistaPhoto courtesy of Need Supply Co.
My personal style: I love to wear one-of-a-kind pieces and most of my closet is vintage or thrift. I lean towards poppy colours but with a more masculine fit.
The item I'm over and why: I was obsessed with body suits — every kind. They were normally tight and tucked into a lot of pieces. I'd wear them to work, going out, and they'd be in all sorts of shapes and colours. While basics will never be obsolete, I am opting for a different look this season.
How I’ll be discarding it: Donating to my sisters! (Bodysuits from a stranger are a little hard to sell.)
What I'm replacing it with: Maybe it's being inspired by Queer Eye, but this season I'm looking for cool graphic tees (thanks, Antoni) with a nice french tuck (looking at you, Tan) and lots of fun oversized blazers. If it's all about layering, I want every piece to count.
J.Crew "Shake it don't break it" T-shirt, $34.5, available at J. CrewPhoto courtesy of J.Crew.
My personal style: My style is '60s mod meets New York vintage — if Marcia Brady and Jane Birkin shopped at Beacon’s Closet. Think printed mini dresses, knee high boots, high waisted jeans, and perma-winged liner.
The item I'm over and why: I went through a big French-girl phase last summer and bought one too many patterned wrap dresses. While they’re very fun 'n' flirty, they feel slightly dated to me now.
How I’ll be discarding it: Straight to the Salvation Army! I live right by their NYC headquarters and like to do a big closet purge at least once or twice a year. If you’ve ever spotted a small girl carrying a giant bag up and down 6th Avenue, that was probably me.
What I'm replacing it with: Lately I’ve been wanting to mix it up from my typical, more feminine silhouettes and embrace what I usually tend to avoid: pants. I’m dying to try out these snakeskin flared ones that I saw a Very Cool Girl wearing on a recent night out.
Bershka Snakeskin Print Flared Pants, $19.98, available at BershkaPhoto courtesy of Bershka.
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When Harry Met Sally is one of the best romantic films, for many reasons. It was the first movie to spark public debate about whether men and women can ever be just friends; it was created by the witty and beloved journalist, writer and filmmaker Nora Ephron; there's that Katz diner scene; and Meg Ryan's wardrobe is pitch-perfect – particularly for autumnal sartorial inspiration.
With cosy knitted sweaters, velvet party dresses and geography teacher corduroy blazers, the film's style feels less 1989 and more 2018. Click through to see the pieces we're wearing inspired by (arguably) the best rom-com of all time.
Daunt Books, London, November 2018? Nope, but it may as well be. Sally's chocolate corduroy blazer could be straight outta & Other Stories' AW18 collection. We're layering ours over a chunky rollneck knit (more on that later) and donning a pair of statement specs. Shaggy blonde hair optional.
There's not one but two great knits here: Harry's classic fisherman's piece and Sally's red cable knit number. We're siding with Harry and pairing a cream jumper with true blue denim and box-fresh sneakers. Cosy dressing never looked so good.
See? So 2018. Sally's waist-cinching belt is mock croc, which is everywhere this season, from sharp ankle boots to box bags. We're enjoying her tucked-in rollneck, but we're wearing dark brown croc accessories with floral midi dresses for a Natacha Ramsay-Levi Chloé vibe.
There are so many great factors at play here: the stiff-brimmed hat, the hair tucked behind the ears, the printed shirt, the grey checked blazer. Basically, we're lifting the whole look this autumn, particularly for lazy Sundays strolling around Regent's Park.
If you're stuck for what to wear this party season (it's even more sequin-heavy than usual this year, and that isn't for everyone) then look no further. Sally's velvet dress, complete with sweetheart neckline and puffed sleeves, could easily be Rejina Pyo or Alessandra Rich AW18. Just add embellished mules.
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To celebrate the release of The Girl In The Spider’s Web, we wanted to catch up with the remarkable, female-strong workforce who made this feminist story happen – from behind the scenes.
In part two of our 'Behind The Lens' series we speak to the women on set about how they broke into their male-dominated industries; the importance of teamwork; and the positive – if not immediately obvious – impact a lead female role as complicated and as smart as Lisbeth Salander has on society.
Check out The Girl In The Spider’s Web, at cinemasglobally.
Eve Stewart, Production Designer
Tell us about your role on set…
The production designer is in charge of every single thing that you look at. From the architecture to the location (which you would choose in advance), down to whether a character has eaten the right biscuit or is using the right teaspoon. I work closely with the costume designer and makeup designer to make sure all the visions pull together.
Are you excited to bring Lisbeth’s world to life?
I’m thrilled because I really love the character and I really love the books. I’ve worked with Claire Foy [Lisbeth Salander] before on something else. She can convey emotion amazingly well and she doesn’t even have to do anything.
Have you faced any hurdles in your career?
I will say, it was really tough as one of the only women coming up through the ranks. And of course, in the construction and lighting departments, since they’re all men you have to have an enormous amount of confidence as a woman trailblazing through a structure like that.
Heike Merker, Hair & Makeup Artist
How did you decide what to do with the tattoos on Lisbeth?
From the outset we knew she’d have a dragon on her right shoulder that extends all the way down her back. We applied tattoos on her ankles, arms and ears and then finally on the neck. You have to apply the tattoos every day. First, we have to apply a prosthetic piece, and on top we apply a tattoo template and then a silicon piece which you remove every day.
How did you decide what Camilla would look like?
With Camilla it was obvious she was blonde. We had this kind of albino reference, with bleached brows, and she was totally like Sylvia [Hoeks, who plays Camilla] herself. Her costumes are always red, to contrast against the bleached hair. Because of her childhood and her whole history with her father, we covered her body in scars like she’d been self-harming. She’s able to conceal that at the beginning, so there’s this reveal and you realise she’s damaged too.
What's it like running a whole department on a movie set?
For me it feels normal and great. I don't like to copy anyone else, I just do things my way and because of that you're always learning. You always learn something new for your next movie. Which is great.
Fiona Lendreth, Financial Controller
What does the financial controller on a film do?
I start right in the beginning, sometimes before the project is green-lit, and I’ll budget the show with a producer. If it’s being shot in different locations, we’ll factor that in before the final decision is made about where we’re going to shoot. For the rest of prep I put together my team, work out logistically how we’re going to make it work and financially how we’re going to make it work. Then once we do that, we do what we call a cost reporting programme, where basically every week, I’m responsible for reporting to the producers and the studio about how we’re getting on.
What do you love about your job?
The logistical planning and shaping the process of the work. I love that I get to travel and work at the same time, which is really a bonus for me.
Are you excited for the film’s release?
I personally have read the entire series of these books years ago and loved them. I think it’s a great story. I’ll go and see it. They can have my 10 bucks, absolutely. Claire’s going to be fantastic as Lisbeth.
Mena Vennen, Art Director
How did you become involved in The Girl In The Spider’s Web?
I’m the (standby) art director here on set. The plan was that I go on holiday but Eve called me – I mean, she’s Oscar-nominated, so I was willing to skip the holiday and come here! My role is a combination of construction, art direction and set decoration. Making sure everything is in place and painted as it should be.
How did you begin your career?
I used to restore furniture. Then I went travelling, and I came home and started working in bars. Then a friend needed someone who could restore old furniture for a film. At first I was like, "I hate the hours!" but I fell in love with the storytelling.
What is a day in your life on the set?
I take a lot of pictures. For example when there are big changes, like a huge explosion and everything has to be built like it’s burned down. We build it, paint it and destroy it. It’s a continual process and lots of fun!
Nadja Klier, Photographer
How did you get involved in The Girl In The Spider’s Web?
It was interesting. Elizabeth Cantillon was looking for a new set photographer. My job is to take pictures while they’re shooting or in advance and behind the scenes. I think Claire felt really comfortable with a female photographer as it's kind of sensitive work to get so close to the actors on set.
Is your field a male-dominated one generally?
Unless you're working in makeup or costume – classically feminine roles – then you’re always outnumbered by men in this industry, which is fine. I’m a one-woman department. I don’t have anyone to share the workload with me, no one is holding my hand if something is broken. I’m not a pushover. I’m not shy. I tell things how they are, I’m always friendly but that’s how I get things done.
What was it like working with Claire and Sylvia?
Claire was very understanding about me constantly being in her eye-line with a camera. She let me shoot her in rehearsal, and take up space while I looked to get the right exposures and angles. Sometimes you get the best pictures in rehearsals. With Sylvia I have never seen such a professional and especially friendly actor, with all crew members, from a person at her level of fame. She did a few stunts really well by herself and that was great to capture.
Rihanna isn't one to shy away from talking politics. That's why we weren't surprised when she told Trump to quit playing her 2007 hit "Don’t Stop the Music" at his fear-stoking rallies, which he's been holding at a feverish pace ahead of Tuesday's midterm elections in the US.
The Washington Post 's Philip Rucker first alerted RiRi to this fact via Twitter: "It’s been said a million times, but here’s a million and one — Trump’s rallies are unlike anything else in politics. Currently, Rihanna’s 'Don’t Stop the Music' is blaring in Chattanooga as aides toss free Trump T-shirts into the crowd, like a ball game. Everyone’s loving it," he wrote on Sunday.
Rihanna responded that, actually, the music needs to stop ASAP. "Not for much longer...me nor my people would ever be at or around one of those tragic rallies, so thanks for the heads up Philip!"
Not for much longer...me nor my people would ever be at or around one of those tragic rallies, so thanks for the heads up philip! https://t.co/dRgRi06GrJ
Although the Barbadian singer can't vote in the U.S., she's made her views known. Hours before her warning to Trump, she endorsed Florida gubernatorial candidate Andrew Gillum on Instagram, writing, "The US has only had four black governors in its entire history and we can help make #AndrewGillum the next one and Florida’s first." Last month, she reportedly turned down the chance to perform at the Super Bowl in solidarity with Colin Kaepernick's stand against police brutality. She's also called Trump an "immoral pig " over his immigration ban and was seen wearing a T-shirt with Hillary Clinton's face before the 2016 election (as well as a very meta T-shirt featuring a photo of herself wearing a T-shirt with Hillary's face).
She's not the first musician who wishes Trump would stop using their talents to promote his anti-immigrant agenda: that long list includes Adele, Neil Young, Aerosmith, Guns N' Roses, Elton John, the Rolling Stones, Pharrell Williams, and Luciano Pavarotti's estate. But licensing loopholes allow him to play the songs anyway, and no artist has gone to court because of it — at least not yet.
You've cheated. Maybe it was a one-night stand spurred on by too much alcohol and impaired decision-making. Maybe it was an on-going affair with a friend or colleague. No matter the circumstances, you're in a sticky situation if you're interested in keeping your relationship intact.
And, you're likely wracked with guilt. When trying to fix your relationship, you probably think that step number one is coming clean and telling your partner that you cheated. But, the "honesty is the best policy" mantra most kids learn in kindergarten doesn't actually hold up here, says Megan Fleming, PhD, a marriage counsellor and sex therapist in New York City. It might be a controversial move, but she suggests that you don't tell your partner about your infidelity.
"You're the one sitting with the guilt, and if [the affair] is over and done, you absolutely don't want to then put that on your partner," she says. Sure, you'll feel better if you tell your S.O. that you cheated, but how will your partner feel? By telling, all you'll do is dump a pile of negative feelings on them — feelings such as resentment, confusion, anger, and rejection. And your admission of guilt is going to shake the core and the foundation of your relationship — your partner might never trust you again.
If you actually want to make the relationship better, Dr. Fleming suggests focusing on what happened to make you cheat in the first place. "Obviously on some level your relationship was feeling challenged," she says. Usually, when Dr. Fleming sees clients who've had affairs, the infidelity stems from feeling that their needs weren't being met in their relationship. And instead of talking to their partners about their insecurities surrounding sex or emotional intimacy, these clients cheated. "A lot of times, the crisis is the opportunity," she says. "So, the affair in some ways was a crisis, and it's the opportunity to repair the relationship and make it better."
If the affair is over and you're left wanting to fix your relationship with your partner, Dr. Fleming suggests first seeing a therapist on your own and working through what went wrong. A therapist can help you realise what needs you didn't think were being met in your relationship and how to start bringing up your concerns with your partner in a healthy way. Later, if you and your partner want to keep working on your relationship, you can go to couples' therapy. But, regardless, Dr. Fleming suggests keeping the affair out of it.
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Lena Dunham may be one of the most precocious creative forces Hollywood has seen in a long time. The writer, director and performer was in her mid-20s when the acclaimed, much-debated and generation-defining Girls premiered on HBO in 2012, and barely 30 when it wrapped last year. But there’s a catch: Exceptional talent, success and accolades at an unusually young age don’t nullify the whole youth thing. Which is to say that Dunham didn’t always know how to handle her fame, her influence, or her platforms.
“There were a lot of moments in my 20s where I didn’t know what to do with the eyes that were on me,” Dunham, now 32, tells Refinery29’s global editor-in-chief and co-founder Christene Barberich in this week’s UnStyled. “So I thought that my job was to be – obviously it's a very important moment to be politically engaged – but I thought my job was to be the loudest, most busy, most active, most present, most noisy, most feminist, most, most, most, and there were amazing things that came out of all of it.”
Not all of those “most” moments were amazing — especially not on social media. “But there was also a cost to me personally, and I didn't do it all well all the time,” Dunham admits. As it happens, the end of Girls wouldn’t be the only life-altering recent change in Dunham’s still-young life: 2018 saw the end of her personal relationship with musician Jack Antonoff (another prodigy, by the way), the conclusion of her fruitful producing partnership with Jenni Konner, and the disclosure, back in March, that she’d just undergone a total hysterectomy following a traumatic, seven-year battle with endometriosis. And, just last month (after the UnStyled chat), she and Konner announced they’d shut down Lenny Letter, their newsletter and website, after three years. (Their final producing project together, the series Camping, premiered on HBO October 14.)
So, after all of that, Dunham says she’s back to basics. “I'm really trying to focus on writing, and being a constructive member of my community. My community is now smaller than what it was before.” And while Dunham doesn’t reject the burdens of her celebrity, her access or her art, she’s put it all in crucial perspective. “It used to be [that] I thought my job was to be an important voice for women in Hollywood, an important voice for body positivity, an important voice for this [and that] in the world … now I'm like, ‘that's all great.’ But really, I just want to be a solid, strong connected friend, a good daughter, a loving sibling, and a writer. That's all I dream of.”
Of course, all of this flux is not easy to absorb, to put it mildly. “It's a really complicated time,” Dunham tells Barberich. “All of us know that change is equally magical and terrifying. So you can wake up in the morning feeling excited about the world of possibility available to you, and by evening you're shaking in your boots because it just feels like too much.”
To hear much more of everything from Dunham and Barberich’s chat – the aftermath and side effects of her illness, what she’s really learned from social media, working with “loon” Jennifer Garner on Camping, and her next projects – click here and subscribe to UnStyled via Apple Podcasts today.
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“Register to vote, and register your friends, too!” “Get to the polls.” “Get out the vote.” Over the past few months, you’ve likely been inundated with messages like these, as we march toward Election Day 2018. While it’s true we all need those reminders, these certitudes largely ignore a glaring truth: Despite all our bragging about being the world’s most shining example of democracy, America makes it very difficult for every person to truly participate.
Nationwide, Election Day is still not a federal holiday, which hits working people particularly hard: In 2014, 35 percent of registered voters who decided not to vote in the midterm elections cited work or school conflicts as the reason, according to a Pew Research Center survey. Additionally, only 37 states (including 3 that mail ballots to all voters) allow for early voting and just 15 States and the District of Columbia allow same day registration on election day.
And this is on top of a lack of civics education in schools. Natasha Harper-Madison, 41, says the first time she voted when she was 18 remains one of the most shameful moments of her life. “I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea who half of the people on this ballot were,” she says. “The further down the ballot I got, the less I recognised the names or implications of the public office they served. Even when I put that ‘I voted’ sticker on my chest I felt like a fraud.”
This feeling, Harper-Madison says, was the result of growing up in poverty: Her mother was much more concerned about where to get food for her and her six siblings than she was about civic duty, Harper-Madison says. And the schools she went to was underfunded, overcrowded and did little to teach her and her peers about policies, candidates or even how to cast a ballot.
Making matters worse for her and voters who still find themselves in a similar situation is that Harper-Madison’s home state of Texas, has some of the nation’s toughest voting restrictions.
In order to vote in Texas, you are required to register in person or by mail. Texas is the only state that requires people to be registered by a Volunteer Deputy Registrar. Additionally, as of 2017, the state requires that people register a full 30 days before Election Day. If you make it to the polls on election day, you are required to show government-issued photo identification in order to cast a ballot.
In April of this year a federal appeals court in the state upheld it’s strict voter ID law. This was the first time a federal court has upheld the law, a revamped version of one of the toughest voter ID restrictions in the country. Similar laws in North Carolina and Wisconsin have been in and out of the courts for years.
As a result, today, Austin, Texas, where Harper-Madison has lived for decades, is a microcosm for the difficulties voters face across the country, especially when it comes to traditionally disenfranchised populations. For people of colour, individuals with disabilities, those struggling with homelessness and transgender people, the challenges of voting are often amplified.
Supporters of all of these regulations say they help prevent voter fraud, but opponents point out that there is no evidence that voter fraud is a widespread problem and that such laws only make it more difficult for traditionally disenfranchised populations to exercise their right to vote.
Harper-Madison, for her part, has made it her goal to transcend the cycle of poverty and help others do the same. Today she is running for city council in Austin and is the creator of Take5ToVote, an initiative to help community members old and young in East Austin understand how their government works and why voting is so crucial. She says part of the reason she’s running is to model the type of civic engagement she never saw and to help put an end to some of the systemic challenges that low-income and otherwise marginalised voters face when it comes to participating in our democracy.
Take5ToVote started in 2016 when she had a friend construct a prototype of a voting machine that she took to events at local community centres where a small staff of volunteer mentors educated people about everything from what type of identification to bring to the polls to the role that local officials played in making policy. Her goal is to equip everyone she can with the knowledge that their vote really does matter, and the tools to make informed decisions. Her message: “Keeping it all the way real sis, there are many people who would seek to suppress your vote and your voice. However not showing up gives them a double win,” she says. "Don't give them the double win of you not showing up.”
Harper-Madison is no stranger to challenges, whether it’s securing an education, building a business or surviving cancer. But, voting, a right enshrined in the 15th Amendment of the Constitution, should not be this hard, she says.
Voting as a Transgender Person
The 2016 election was the first time Danielle Skidmore voted as her true self. “The first time I saw my voter registration card and it said Danielle Marie Skidmore instead of my birth name,” Skidmore says, smiling broadly as her voice trails off. “Being authentic. You can’t beat it.”
Skidmore came out privately nine years ago but didn’t come out publicly until 2016 after she’d started hormone replacement therapy. In addition to changing her name, she also went through the process of changing her gender marker on her identification. Both of these processes were completed in a single afternoon at court, but were years in the making. In addition to tracking down all her paperwork, and hiring an attorney, Skidmore also needed letters from a therapist and medical doctor. “These letters and the medical costs associated with both are a real challenge for most all transgender people. Beyond cost, just access to doctors and therapists is difficult in much of the country still,” she says.
“We as humans are more comfortable putting people in boxes,” Skidmore says of the process, which was at times invasive and exhausting. “The single most important thing we can do for our community is recognise people as real and valid and legitimate human beings. But, documents are how people function in society.”
And when it comes to voting, documents are especially important, even more so in a state like Texas where voters are required to have a photo ID. For trans people this can present a myriad challenges at the polls because for starters, not everyone is able to afford the cost of a name change and gender marker change. In fact, only 11 percent of transgender people have their preferred name and gender marker on all of their identity documents, according to the 2015 US Transgender Survey. This can lead to at best, triggering confusion and at worst, illegal turning away of trans people at the polls when a trans person presents as one gender, but is listed as being another gender on their documentation.
This problem is compounded when you consider that trans people are more likely than cis people to experience homelessness, as well as employment and housing insecurity — all known difficulties in obtaining the documentation that the state requires to vote.
Skidmore considers herself among the very lucky and privileged of her community. Aside from a few stares from fellow voters and slightly perplexed looks from poll workers, she was able to vote without issue in 2016. She wants the transgender community to go out and vote but she understands the impulse to hide. It’s something she grappled with for decades.
As election day draws near, Skidmore who herself is running for city council, has one clear message to other struggling with if or how to vote. “Please don’t disenfranchise yourself,” she says. “If going to a polling place is triggering or hard vote absentee, vote by mail. Take care of yourself first, but know that your vote really matters.”
Voting with a disability
Renee Lopez understands the importance of showing up on Election Day, but sometimes she just can’t. Lopez, 57 was born with Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita, a disability which impacts her joints. She navigates the world with the help of a wheelchair. Getting to the polls takes a lot of planning. She can use paratransit — public transit rides that aim to serve those with disabilities — but, rides must be scheduled in advance and often necessitates a guessing game because it’s a shared ride system, there’s a chance she’ll be in the car for close to an hour before even getting dropped off. If the lines at the polls are long, she might not be able to vote before the ride comes back for pick-up. If lines are short she could be waiting to be picked up for an hour or more.
The Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 requires that people with disabilities have access to public services, programs, or activities, such as voting. Additionally, the Help America Vote Act of 2002 required that each polling place have at least one voting system that is accessible by people with disabilities in federal elections.
And yet even with those laws in place, Lopez says, voting isn’t easy. For example, sometimes that “accessible” voting machine is in the back of a polling place and requires navigating through rows of people to get there. During the 2016 election the US Government Accountability Office surveyed 178 polling places and reported that 60% had one or more potential impediments for voters with disabilities. “There’s an assumption, a belief that people with disabilities just don’t vote,” she says, “I don’t think we’re seen as a group of people that should be considered by candidates.”
A study from Rutgers University found that in 2016, there were 62.7 million eligible voters who either have a disability or have a household member with a disability — that’s more than one-fourth of the total electorate. But the voter turnout rate of people with disabilities was six percentage points lower than that of people without disabilities.
“It turns into a catch-22 because we’re not seen as a valid group of voters but people don’t understand that it’s because of the difficulty in even getting to a polling place,” Lopez says. “[Nonetheless] it’s my right as an American. I’ll do whatever I have to do just to make sure I do go vote even if it is difficult.”
The burden, she says is often unfairly placed on people with disabilities to plan for challenges they might face and explain their needs on Election Day. Lopez has limited physical mobility in her arms and as a result she cannot be wearing a coat to the polling place if she wishes to vote. Because she doesn’t have “reach” tasks like getting out her ID can be difficult.
Lopez says she’s often seen people with disabilities who might have difficulty standing in line accused of “skipping.” Educating election judges about how to help voters with disabilities is key she says to creating lasting changes that make it easier for voters with disabilities. Though the challenges presented by different disabilities can be unique to individuals, it’s essential for election officials to feel comfortable interacting with people and asking questions about how to help.
Lopez for her part is tackling the challenge head on. She volunteers as an election judge for early voting. “I wanted the visibility,” she says. “I want people to have the knowledge that we are an important part of the voting process and to get used to the idea that we are an important part of their community.”
Voting while homeless
Nicole Carithers-Benoit is clad in a flowy orange dress and flip flops, with a broad smile nearly as bright as her neon pink phone case. If you passed her on the street you would have no idea she is struggling with homelessness. She wants to keep it that way.
Carithers-Benoit, 45 says she has been registered to vote since she was 18. But, in recent years she says, she’s had bigger problems.
She has struggled with drug addiction, post traumatic stress disorder and other medical issues that have made it difficult for her to work. Originally from Indiana, she’s spent the past year staying with friends in Florida and California, before coming to Austin in April. She is currently staying at the Austin Resource Center for the Homeless or ARCH, one of the city’s largest homeless shelters, while she tries to get on her feet.
Carithers-Benoit admits she’s uncertain what the future holds. She’s been a recovering addict for 10 years and decided to leave Indiana for the sake of her sobriety. She’s given up enough in this life. She won’t give up on trying to vote. “I know I have the right to vote. I’ve always known that. It’s just about finding the resources so we can actually be heard.”
She said she’d looked up information about voting, but because she initially still had her Indiana driver’s license and she didn’t yet have a permanent address, she didn’t think she was eligible to vote in Texas. She tried to ask for help at the shelter, but couldn't get clarity. “If you don’t ask the right questions you don’t get the answers you need,” she says.
Reports from earlier this year suggest there are more than 2,000 people experiencing homelessness in the city of Austin. Broadly speaking, homeless individuals can register to vote in all 50 states, according to the National Coalition for the Homeless, but the ID and residency requirements vary by state. Many states including Texas lack specific written policies pertaining specifically to registering homeless individuals, which leads to a lot of confusion and disenfranchisement of people who deserve a voice as much as anyone else.
“Unfortunately it's sad that we're put in a box, out of sight out of mind. They turn a blind eye,” she says of politicians and the public alike. “We’re human just like you. We’re just having a bad situation.”
After many months, Carithers-Benoit found out from a candidate canvassing in a local park that because she receives mail at a nearby church, she could get a Texas ID. Carithers-Benoit says that now that she will absolutely be voting on Election day.
She knows she might face obstacles at the polls. Maybe there will be a problem with her ID, maybe it will just be judgmental stares. The result: “I have the feeling that those of us who are low income really don't have a voice,” she says. But she adds, it’s important to remind elected officials that she is still one of the people whose lives they are often making policy about. She hopes to use her voice this year for candidates pledging to make voting easier for everyone.
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Despite these hardships, on Saturday night, Grande dropped the most emotionally-aware breakup banger of all time, called "thank u, next." In the song, she thanks each of her exes — including Miller and Davidson — for teaching her something about herself. So, it's no wonder that today fans were tweeting at her asking: "who is ariana's therapist and are they accepting new clients."
As it turns out, Grande does have a therapist. "lmaoaoo this is funny as fuck but in all honesty therapy has saved my life so many times," Grande wrote on Twitter. Then, she gave some advice about how to seek emotional support. "if you’re afraid to ask for help, don’t be. u don’t have to be in constant pain & u can process trauma," she wrote. "i’ve got a lot of work to do but it’s a start to even be aware that it’s possible." We stan a mental health icon, as they say.
lmaoaoo this is funny as fuck but in all honesty therapy has saved my life so many times. if you’re afraid to ask for help, don’t be. u don’t have to be in constant pain & u can process trauma. i’ve got a lot of work to do but it’s a start to even be aware that it’s possible. 🖤 https://t.co/XiytR3xE0O
In all seriousness, Grande brings up a great point. Often people worry that going to therapy is a sign of weakness, because they believe they should be able to figure out their emotional issues on their own — but that is so not the case. Therapy gives you a chance to work through relationship problems or transitional periods, cope through grief, discuss trauma, or just manage daily anxiety and stress. As Joy Harden Bradford, PhD, an Atlanta-based therapist who runs the podcast Therapy for Black Girls told Refinery29: "If nothing else, [therapy] gives you 60 minutes in the week to be focused on yourself." Who wouldn't want that?
It's very cool of Grande to use her platform to openly talk about mental health, especially considering how many young people look up to her. If you're curious about what happens during therapy, or interested in finding your own therapist, asking your physician or another healthcare professional for a referral is a good place to start. And if you don't have the resources to see a therapist right now, there are still some great ways to manage your mental health for free that are worth exploring.
Either way, Grande just gave us one more reason to love her.
If you are experiencing anxiety and are in need of crisis support, please contact Samaritans on 116 123. All calls are free and will be answered in confidence.
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There aren't many countries close(ish) to the UK that people fancy going on holiday to during the winter. Anywhere that's actually hot is too far away, anywhere that's only mildly warm feels like a disappointment, and anywhere Christmassy (here's looking at you Germany) is bound to be packed to the rafters with tourists drinking overpriced mulled wine from paper cups.
Iceland remains a solid winter holiday destination though. From the glory of the Northern Lights, to the purported wellness properties of the hot springs, to the achingly cool Reykjavik nightlife scene, it's easy to see what's drawing millennials there in droves – despite the fact that it's eye-wateringly expensive. Half a pint is likely to set you back about £7, while a meal for two in an average restaurant is estimated to be around £70.
Obviously, though, you still want to "do" Iceland. But is there a way to visit without spending all your savings? We asked the travellers in our Money Diaries Facebook group, who reckon that yeah, it's doable, but you've got to be aware of a few things first.
Here are their recommendations on how not to blow the budget in Iceland.
It’s really expensive but, if you drink, we found most bars had happy hours around 5pm – a fair bit earlier than the locals go out so it was quiet but two-for-one on drinks makes a big difference at those prices!
–Lara
Have a look on Viator for activities, I usually find they’re cheaper and often offer free pick up / drop off.
– Hannah
Definitely book your trips in advance. The Northern Lights trip should be around £20. If you want to go to the Blue Lagoon then book the basic package – you don't need robes and slippers, they end up dumped in a pile as you enter the lagoon, taking your own towel or robe is sufficient and there are lockers which you get a key to. If you drive it's worth hiring a car to travel to the geyser and the national park – it's a straight route pretty much, and the hire costs with full insurance were approx £90 when the coach trip to visit these places costs about £200. Food and drink is expensive – a burger/chips with a bottle of cider was £20, so definitely consider taking your own snacks so you're not constantly spending on food.
– Katie
There are lots of free walking tours available, it’s a great way to find out about Reykjavik through the eyes of a local! At the end you just tip whatever you feel is appropriate. Go to www.freewalkingtour.is – that’s the one I did when I went to Iceland earlier this year!
–Jade
Make sure you buy any booze you want in duty free, it's practically impossible to buy it in a shop and bars can be expensive, there are plenty of happy hours early evening though! We hired a car rather than taking the expensive tours, which meant we could go where we want and see what we wanted, depending on the weather. Make sure you are comfortable driving in snowy/icy conditions, and get a 4x4 for that reason. We found a great lunch spot called Glo, it was cheap and delicious, mostly vegan but you could have meat if you wanted. All other meals were quite expensive. Have an amazing time, it's the best place in the world!!
– Sarajane
Since there’s so many beautiful places to see (which are free or very cheap to park) it’s the cost of food and accommodation that puts the price up! Renting a car gives you SO much more freedom, I would 100% recommend. Maybe miss a Northern Lights tour as I think you often don’t see that much. Stay in an Airbnb and make packed lunches. Don’t shop for food anywhere other than Bonus! Prices are extortionate in most other supermarkets. Iceland was AMAZING though, and well worth the cost.
–Chloe
Download Appy Hour, it shows you which bars are cheap and when. Also go on Trip Advisor and make a note of all the restaurants with one £ sign next to them.
Activities I would recommend: book Blue Lagoon and Northern Lights in advance. For cheap things in the day go to the local swimming baths. There are loads and they cost £5-10 and normally have a sauna or steam room as well as heated pool and jacuzzi. The church observation tower (Hallgrimskirkja) is cheap too, with excellent views.
Perlan is amazing and less busy too. Great observation deck and costs about £4. Wine and beer in there is about £4 a glass too with lovely views.
– Kayleigh
Go to the public swimming pools in Reykjavik instead of the Blue Lagoon, they also have the famous geothermal waters you can soak in, affordably!
– Wendy
We went a couple of months ago and found Bonus supermarkets are pretty cheap and there’s at least one in the city centre. We took an extra suitcase full of food (going as a group of six) but we probably didn’t need to and were pleasantly surprised by the value at Bonus. Steer clear of the smaller mini-marts in Reykjavik though – I had to pay about a fiver for a bottle of water!
– Laura
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"Table for one please," I find myself saying, often. In those words I see no shame or sadness because taking myself out to eat alone is something I cherish in my week. If I look back on the moments of my life where I’ve felt total joy, the scene is usually the same: me in front of a plate of food, alone. One of my most memorable meals is a huge bowl of soup and kimchi dumplings which I ate slowly on a freezing afternoon in Seoul, sitting alone on a bench in a bustling market. I was 23 and lonely, travelling by myself, but with every sip of that soup I felt lifted, even though I had no one to speak to. When I went to sit, the lady who ran the stall gestured to the space beside me and held up two fingers. I gestured for one. She smiled softly and put extra dumplings in my soup. This is just one of many solitary meals that make me keep choosing to eat alone.
I love to eat. I have an appetite for almost everything and I don’t want anything limiting me from enjoying that, even if it means going out by myself. But I had to force myself to see it as a pleasure and a privilege, because for so long it was my only option. I lived by myself for many years, in a different hemisphere from my family, and have been single for most of my 20s, so the only way I could experience the food I wanted to eat was alone.
Sometimes it saved me, like when my loneliness became almost crippling – I knew I could book a table in a restaurant and have a conversation about wine with a waiter. It got me out of the house and doing something I loved (without having to cook). Even now that I don’t struggle with loneliness, I still purposefully go out to eat by myself. But the connotations of loneliness are still there; if it’s not a choice, it can be difficult. With almost half of all meals in the UK eaten alone and 34% of people often going a whole week without sharing a meal with someone, it’s important to consider whether it’s an action of choice or circumstance.
For me, it’s the best way to dedicate time to doing something for myself that makes me feel good on so many different levels, and I don’t think I’m alone. The online reservation service Bookatable has seen bookings for single tables rise by 38% over the last four years. I love seeing food writer Rebecca May Johnson take herself out for chocolate milkshakes, or read Chidera Eggerue write about the power of treating yourself to a table for one at Nando's. I don’t think the cost of the meal makes it feel any more or less special. Sometimes I’ve splurged (I once spent £80 on three courses and a cocktail) but they didn’t make me feel any better than meals that have left me with change from a tenner. Bliss is a few hours writing in my notebook and people-watching in my favourite greasy spoon just off Trafalgar Square. It was the first place I ate when I came to London and I could sit there all day, eating toast and drinking tea.
Yet for my friend Lauren, 25, there is nothing worse than going out to eat alone. "I’m insecure about looking lonely and anxious about not having something to do while I’m sitting there," she says. Similarly, my neighbour Grace, 22, wouldn’t do it "unless there was literally no other option; I think it would make me feel miserable". Again, the connotations of loneliness. Is this why we don’t see more women eating alone in restaurants?
I ask psychiatrist Dr Lopa Winters why some women feel like there are barriers to eating out by themselves. "As a woman there is still an imbalance in society about seeing a woman on her own eating," she says. "Women in this context have always been presented with a partner, a child or with her friends. There are so many social stereotypes of ladies who lunch, for example, that if you’re a lady lunching on your own, you’re sort of subverting your stereotype." We discuss how gender politics play into it, the role reversal – from the feeder to the fed – and why being a woman alone in a public space is perceived as an invitation for (unwanted) attention. With all this in mind, why am I – and other women – drawn to it? "It’s definitely an act of self-care," Dr Winters says. "I think you can be so mindful when you’re eating because the focus shifts on your surroundings and what you’re eating. It’s a practice of being mindful about your body and what you’re putting in it as much as it is an act of affection for yourself; it nurtures everything at once." With self-care such a hot topic right now, maybe we'll see more women taking themselves out...
One of my main sources of solo eating inspiration is Sophie Mackintosh, author of The Water Cure, who writes the newsletter Gastro Del Solo about her experiences of eating for one in restaurants. Like me, she relishes the meditative atmosphere of dining alone so we went out for a coffee to talk about it. She said: "Eating out at a restaurant by myself is the best time to really check in with how I’m feeling. Like a lot of women, for a long time food was a really difficult thing for me, so it’s so nice to reframe it as something good to do for yourself. Sometimes I take a book as a prop in case I get shy, but mostly I just try to be mindful and register how I’m feeling."
For my friend Imogen, 27, much of the joy is in the surroundings: "Eating alone I feel is really empowering, but only when I put my phone down because I can absorb so much more. The voyeur in me loves to observe everyone else." The idea of treating yourself and the autonomy of it appeals most to 24-year-old actress Maddison. "Sometimes, if an audition goes really well, I’ll treat myself to a nice meal afterwards. I relish eating by myself, as I feel like I appreciate the meal that much more. I like the independence of it. I can go where, and when I want."
Eating out alone is something every young woman should do at least once. Getting comfortable with it has been a gift and has made me stronger in other potentially uncomfortable situations. So when you next ask for a table for one, know that you alone are enough company. As I write this, I’m contemplating my next meal – the extravagance of oysters crosses my mind but I think I’ll just end up in Trafalgar Square, eating toast.
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This week on Refinery29, we’re filling your screens and consciousness with inspiring women over 50. Why? Because living in a culture obsessed with youth is exhausting for everyone. Ageing is a privilege, not something to dread. Welcome to Life Begins At...
I knew my 28-year marriage was over one night after a knock at the door. I felt I’d been at best rejected, at worst complicit in my husband’s philandering. Bruised and defeated, I filed for divorce and retreated into the loving support of family, friends, work, an excellent therapist, personal trainer and the arts. I didn’t need a man to complete me and as if to mark the end of that life, I had an emergency hysterectomy. Everything that had made me vibrantly female was ripped away along with my womb and my ovaries. I laughed out loud when my gynaecologist told me to come back when I was ready to start having sex again.
My passion for an emotional, romantic life was spent. Desire would play no part, I decided. I would be celibate, a nun, and from this saintly pillar I looked down on peers who dated – a bit desperate and Anne Bancroft for me.
But a pillar is a shaky place and I’m not well suited to being a nun.
"Perhaps you feel as if someone else made that choice for you," suggested my astute therapist friend.
She had a point. We are constantly fed messages that men in their 50s and beyond are sexual beings but that menopause is nature’s way of saying that women are not. For some, sex has morphed into foot rubs and cosy cups of tea in bed. But what if you haven’t made that choice?
With the notable exception of killer whales, the females of most species die when they stop being reproductively useful. Social scientists (mostly male) have found that – surprise, surprise – men just don’t fancy women who can’t reproduce. Evolutionary biologists (mostly female) have at least found a role for us as carers to the familial line. Post-menopausal women present a biological conundrum and a question of female identity. I had no choice but to challenge all this – because frankly, I can’t knit.
The last time I’d been on a date with a man other than my ex-husband was 1984, the year the original Apple Macintosh computer went on sale. 'Jeff' picked me up in his new car, a convertible, and drove me to a party, the wind ruffling my Farrah Fawcett hair. I tried my first and only joint and promptly threw up all over the cream leather seats of his car. We didn’t go out again.
"Bit surprised someone like you would go on a dating app," my happily married brother said.
"Is it safe?" asked a married friend who used to cruise the clubs with me in our 20s. "Why don’t you just ask friends to set you up?"
Scratch that idea off your list. No one knows a single, straight man. If they do, he’s probably too traumatised by the end of his marriage or the death of his wife, otherwise he’d be on a dating app. I finally took the plunge because dating apps seem no more crazy than thinking you’ll find love after three Cuba Libres and a quick fumble in a bar.
Of course if you haven’t spent the intervening years documenting your life online, it feels a bit odd, and for women, the steepest hurdle is the photo. A quick left swipe on any dating app will show that many men don’t stress about this too much – pop in a headshot from work or stand in front of a bathroom mirror with your phone angled at your hip, praying your wife doesn’t catch you at it.
One friend hired a professional photographer. She changed outfits between shots and the photographer offered to touch photos up. Men get incandescent about this on dating apps. "You’re buying the drinks until you look like the photo on the app," I read more than once. I think women just accept that he’s not going to look like what he puts up because to be honest, who does?
I asked a friend who understands Instagram filters to take mine. I wasn’t wildly happy with the result but I haven’t been happy with a photo of myself since I was 10. I also ignored my friend’s partner John, who told me:
"You need a full body shot so they know you’re not a moose."
Moose or not, I wasn’t doing a bikini shot or waiting until I’d "lost all the weight". I’m desirable, I told myself as I signed up. I didn’t believe a word of it but in this parallel universe maybe this was also true.
There’s an app to suit every taste. I chose Bumble because I liked the idea that women make the first move. My daughter said it was probably full of men who like to explain they are feminists but I didn’t really find that to be the case. I liked the simplicity but other friends hated it because they wanted to more carefully target certain sorts of men. Many women in their 50s use dating apps around their favourite newspapers – Encounters Dating ( The Times and The Telegraph) or Guardian Soulmates. These apps require only a little more commitment, filling in forms and paying a fee. Others go straight for apps like Elite Singles which match professionals and require a lot more information. I didn’t feel ready for that. I don't know many people who use Tinder at our age – maybe it feels too raw, too scary. Some people like OkCupid. Apps like Happn, which help find people you’ve crossed paths with, imagine a world where everyone’s a bit too young and trendy for me. Friends who live in the country often go for Muddy Matches. We’re too old for The League – it's invitation only anyway – and I felt too young for some of the other sites that market themselves to people over 50.
So what did I discover?
An interesting anomaly in the male population: a bumper crop of 48-year-olds who look like they’re 63.
Some men wax lyrical about their love of the theatre or walks on the beach and only want to hook up late at night.
The women of Britain are sexual aggressors. Perfectly sweet-looking men feel compelled to state on their profiles in all caps: NO ONS! (one-night stands).
Online dating improves your social life with married friends too; men want to evaluate their own performance against other men (not men they already know), and women want to check out what’s out there in case they decide to walk out.
Illustrated by Erin Aniker
Can I recommend it?
Wholeheartedly yes.
At first, it’s a vulnerable place but the people you meet are vulnerable too. If you’re single in your 50s, something has happened in your life, but that can be life-affirming.
And the dates?
I fancied some of them but even the ones I didn’t were nice. Like Portuguese P who I’d chatted to online for weeks (rookie error) but five minutes into dinner, realised I felt no attraction to at all. Or J, an older Scottish man, handsome online with his mouth shut, interesting and smart to boot, but with a snaggletooth right in front. I spent most of the date trying to work out how quickly I could suggest dental work.
Takeaway?
Women are shallow too, but social scientists have it all wrong.
Post-menopausal women are actually quite a desirable lot: more confident than our younger sisters, clear about what we want and even attractive to younger men who like the fact that we’re more comfortable in our own skin, even if that skin is a little crepey. Most of my dating friends have been out with younger men and in some cases substantially younger men. If that’s what you want, you can tell Madame Macron to move on!
My friend L maintains the only purpose of dating apps is to stop hoping you’ll meet someone to complete your life every time you go to dinner or a party. For me it has affirmed that my life is already a good life. I’m looking for the cherry on the top of a cake I chose and baked myself. I don’t need it but it would be fun.
Dating has given me a chance to laugh, be carefree and connect with something I’d lost in myself. It’s not a desperate act. You can do most things alone these days – buy a house, travel, have an orgasm. Although you can’t have a knee-trembling, passionate kiss, there aren’t many of those in long marriages either.
Maybe dating in your 50s isn’t about love, companionship, orgasms or even passionate kisses. Maybe it’s about feeling that your life is still opening up, not shutting down, and that you can choose which direction you want to take it in. Online dating could give you confidence both professionally and personally, and learning how to flirt again isn’t a bad thing either.
And yes, I did recently visit my gynaecologist. The world has changed for women there too, but that is for another article, when you’ve already taken the first step and swiped right.
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"Rosacea was previously known as 'acne rosacea' but this is no longer the case, as both conditions are unrelated," Dr Mahto explained. "Symptoms of rosacea include facial skin sensitivity, redness, flushing or a sensation of heat and small red bumps known as papules," she continued. "Some people may develop prominent, small, dilated blood vessels and other potential problems include facial swelling, gritty eyes, and enlargement and redness of the nose."
So what causes rosacea? While it isn't fully understood, the skin condition is said to be aggravated by many factors, such as temperature changes, sunlight, alcohol, exercise, hot drinks, stress and spicy foods, according to both experts. "There is no cure," adds Dr Mahto, "but the condition can be managed with cream treatments, oral antibiotics, anti-flushing medications, and laser therapy. The latter can be used to treat prominent blood vessels, redness and occasional skin thickening which can be associated with rosacea. Usually multiple sessions are required and a skilled cosmetic dermatologist will be able to carry out the treatments after discussion of the best laser type for your skin."
Dr Ali also mentions that rosacea symptoms could be a result of hormone fluctuations, genetics and hyperactive oil glands, and so recommends incorporating an ingredient like salicylic acid – which decongests pores, exfoliates skin and reduces inflammation – into your skincare routine. Dr Mahto also suggests avoiding perfumed soaps, instead opting for emollients, and says that sunscreen is extremely important to help manage rosacea. "UV radiation is one of the common rosacea triggers," she explains. "Ideally an SPF of 50 should be worn that provides broad-spectrum protection against UVA (which traditionally penetrate the skin and result in things like pigmentation and fine lines) and UVB (associated with burns)."
As well as SPF and salicylic acid, there are many other products and ingredients out there which can help to alleviate or even mask the symptoms of rosacea. Ahead, you'll find 10 of the very best.
As well as its ability to reduce the production of keratin, which can block pores and lead to acne breakouts, azelaic acid is known for its anti-inflammatory properties, making it beneficial for those with rosacea. Apply a small amount to clean skin (ideally in the evening) and avoid contact with your lips, eyelids and under eyes to avoid irritating these thinner, sensitive areas of skin.
The Ordinary Azelaic Acid Suspension 10% 30ml, $5.5, available at Beauty Bay
According to the experts, UV exposure is a trigger for rosacea, and while it pays to invest in good sun protection regardless, it's even more important if you're prone to excessive redness and irritation. Recommended by Dr Mahto (and loved by most of R29, too) this broad spectrum mineral SPF absorbs in next to no time, feels dry to the touch and provides invisible protection against UVA (traditionally associated with fine lines and wrinkles) and UVB (responsible for burns and skin cancer). Even better? It's non-comedogenic, and so less likely to block pores.
Heliocare 360 Mineral SPF 50+, $27.79, available at Face The Future
Formulated by Zein Obagi MD and team (and also recommended by Dr Ali), this serum takes a multifaceted approach to treating the obvious symptoms of rosacea, including redness, papules (swelling) and pustules (spots containing pus). Enzymes work to smooth and refine skin texture, while amino acids are said to increase microcirculation under the skin, promoting a more even skin tone. It also provides an antibacterial effect, keeping further breakouts at bay.
Zo Skin Health By Zein Obagi MD Rozatrol Normalising Serum Treatment, $79, available at Zo Skin Health
IT Cosmetics' founder, Jamie Kern Lima, struggled to find products that would cover her rosacea-prone skin without the need for multiple, heavy layers, and so her brand was born. Just one pump of this CC cream is enough to blanket redness without feeling cakey, thanks to the tiny pigment particles. It also boasts SPF50 protection and lasts all day. Stockpile it.
It Cosmetics Your Skin But Better™ CC+ Cream™ SPF 50+, $30, available at Boots
Most foam cleansers can be harsh on sensitive skin, exacerbating rosacea further, but Calmwise (previously known as Red Alert) eradicates oil, grime and excess makeup without stripping skin of the good stuff or making it taut and uncomfortable, thanks to the addition of vitamin K, recently found to play a significant role in inhibiting inflammation, redness and swelling, and Teprenone – an anti-redness active.
Medik8 Calmwise™ Soothing Cleanser, $7, available at Medik8
Exuviance has fans in beauty editors, bloggers and dermatologists alike – and for good reason. Developed by experts, this serum feels soothing and cooling on application and contains PHA (exfoliating acids which are much more compatible with sensitive skin, as the molecules are larger and unable to penetrate pores as deeply as others) and peptides – proteins which have anti-inflammatory benefits, so flushing and redness is minimised over time.
Exuviance AntiRedness Calming Serum, $43, available at Dermacare Direct
Another recommendation by Dr Mahto, this moisturiser – approved by Allergy UK – has been formulated with numerous skin bugbears in mind, including: redness, itching, burning and dryness. It makes a great base before makeup and instantly banishes any feelings of tightness post-cleansing.
La Roche-Posay Toleriane Ultra 40ml, $17.5, available at Feel Unique
If you're after something a little more substantial than a serum but not as rich as Toleriane, try this. It's a milky lotion formulated with natural acids to refine uneven skin texture, oat extract (known for its moisturising properties) and plant extracts to keep redness under control. If using it in the evening, always apply an SPF during the day. Dr Mahto recommends the brand's Antioxidant Physical Protectant SPF30.
Jan Marini ROSALIEVE Redness Reducing Complex Face Lotion, $72, available at Dermacare Direct
Antioxidants vitamin E and white tea act like a shield against the causes of inflammation and subsequent redness, such as pollution and a handful of other environmental aggressors catapulted at our complexions on a daily basis, while PHA strengthens the skin's barrier.
NeoStrata Redness Neutralizing Serum, $28.5, available at Face The Future
This concealer-foundation hybrid is filled to bursting with super fine pigments that have the ability to cloak everything from redness to tattoos and dark circles. It's buildable (so still looks like skin), non-comedogenic (so won't clog pores prone to breakouts) and contains SPF35 for extra protection.
Vichy Dermablend Fluid Corrective Foundation, $20, available at Boots
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There's less than six months to go until "Brexit Day", when the UK will leave the EU once and for all, but if you've been following the ongoing negotiations you'll know they're not exactly going according to plan – particularly the confusion over what will happen to the Irish border. That's on top of the fact that if the referendum were re-held two years on, Remain would clinch it, according to numerous polls.
So the recent news that there's been a spike in British people buying homes in Ireland is only somewhat surprising. House sales to "Brexit refugees" from the UK have increased by 10% in the last year, with almost half of estate agents citing a rise in enquiries from the UK in the last year, the Irish Independent reported this week.
Brexit was cited as a direct reason for moving to Ireland in almost a fifth of all sales, with nearly 40% of buyers relocating to Ireland from London and the southeast of England.
But the data from estate agents suggests that Brexit is proving to be a "double-edged sword" for the country, because British people are outbidding Irish homebuyers and putting pressure on an already stretched Irish housing market, the paper concluded.
Brexit was confirmation that it was time to go...I was no longer welcome in London.
While emigrants wanting to return home make up a chunk of those moving to Ireland, many others are British-based workers moving there for the first time. One such woman is 23-year-old Isabella*, who lived in London for 22 years before moving to Dublin this July. She is among the over 70% of 18 to 24-year-olds who backed Remain, and her decision to move was "directly related to Brexit," she told Refinery29.
Following the June 2016 referendum, Isabella, who works in tech, "made an active decision to expand [her] search to Europe," when searching for her next role. Applications for Irish passports spiked in the first few months after the Brexit result (an Irish passport would allow eligible British citizens to retain EU citizenship) so she clearly wasn't alone in deciding to plump for Ireland.
"I've always wanted to work abroad, but Brexit was confirmation that it was time to go. At the beginning I was in a state of shock and felt I was no longer welcome in London. The initial worry died down, but the shift in environment and how everyone felt really changed how I felt towards the city I'd spent most of my time in."
Isabella suffers from diabetes and was also concerned by the "scaremongering" around potential disruption to the insulin supply chain in the event of a no-deal Brexit. "It's a small thing but not having to worry about picking up prescriptions is a big relief," she said. "It seems there's no coherent understanding of where the UK is headed, and talking to my Scottish colleagues, you can really feel the divide within the UK, exacerbated by Brexit. My concern is that the uptick in racism after the Brexit vote isn't going to be dealt with. This might be a major factor in whether I ever return."
Since moving to Dublin, she says she has a healthy work/life balance for the first time and is able to explore Ireland's famously rugged landscapes – a far cry from central London living. "In the UK, I was working six days a week, evenings and weekends and now I have full weekends, and finish work at 6pm most days. The weather is similar, but slightly windier!
"It's lovely to be so close to the beach, being able to get on a train and be in the Dublin mountains in half an hour, and to have a new city to explore. The stereotype of everyone being friendlier than Londoners has so far held true for me, and it's been considerably easier to establish myself in different social circles than I expected."
The similarities between Ireland and the UK have made the transition easier than it may have been if she'd moved to mainland Europe. "It's a lot closer to my life in the UK than I expected," she said. "Small things, like P45s, are almost the same, which makes it a little easier to get to grips with a new city, tax system and job."
This may be part of the reason why she knows "many [other] people" in her industry who have made the same move. "If you want to go into tech, Dublin is the place to be. The working hours seem much more reasonable than those of our fellow grads in the UK, and even though the living costs are similar to London, the size of the city means no one is commuting for hours on end to make ends meet, making it more sociable.
"The work/life balance is a big draw for many, and the opportunities presented by so many companies moving headquarters to Ireland," she continued. Indeed, Ireland is the most popular destination for businesses relocating in a post-Brexit world, according to a recent report.
She said she was not "in the slightest bit surprised" by the fact that British people are increasingly buying properties in Ireland. "Even though Dublin has very high rent – I'm still searching for a house – this seems abnormal and not representative of Ireland. Knowing how many people have moved here, the average wage and what the costs are like compared to the UK, it seems a reasonable decision. The rental market is insane, but the housing market doesn't seem to be anywhere near as inflated as that of the UK."
Isabella would encourage other young British people to "keep their options open" and consider Ireland, among other countries, if they're in employment and disillusioned by the idea of living in Brexit Britain. "I'd encourage young people to travel for work as far as possible, to discover new cities and really understand what it's like to go somewhere that's not home. It's an exciting change, and something people should be encouraged to consider, especially as travelling abroad for work may get considerably more difficult in the following years."
*Name has been changed
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Trump tweeted this message in association with an ad about Luis Bracamontes, an undocumented immigrant from Mexico who was convicted of murder. In the 30-second spot is a claim that Democrats let Bracamontes into the country "and let him stay." According to the New York Times, Bracamontes was deported by President Bill Clinton(a Democrat) and again by the George W. Bush administration. In addition to presenting a patently false claim, the ad was criticised for racism and drew comparisons to the 1988 Willie Hortan ad.
November 3, 2018
Rumor has it that Senator Joe Donnelly of Indiana is paying for Facebook ads for his so-called opponent on the libertarian ticket. Donnelly is trying to steal the election? Isn’t that what Russia did!?
Trump tweets a photo inserting himself into Game of Thrones lore.
"Sanctions are coming," Trump shares, perhaps not getting far enough into GoT to know that "winter is coming" was...not a good thing.
October 27, 2018
Watching the Dodgers/Red Sox final innings. It is amazing how a manager takes out a pitcher who is loose & dominating through almost 7 innings, Rich Hill of Dodgers, and brings in nervous reliever(s) who get shellacked. 4 run lead gone. Managers do it all the time, big mistake!
Trump tweeted this pre-election sports analysis the evening following the anti-Semitic mass shooting at the Tree of Life synagogue.
October 26, 2018
Twitter has removed many people from my account and, more importantly, they have seemingly done something that makes it much harder to join - they have stifled growth to a point where it is obvious to all. A few weeks ago it was a Rocket Ship, now it is a Blimp! Total Bias?
The number of people reported missing in London has skyrocketed in the last 10 years, with the capital's police force last month describing the figure as "absolutely unsustainable". About 55,000 people go missing each year in London – a 72% increase on a decade ago – and while most (80%) people return or are found within 24 hours, what happens to the remaining 20% is less certain.
When a person is reported missing they are labelled as low, medium or high risk, with someone whose disappearance is out of character receiving a higher classification. There's a multitude of reasons why someone might go missing but according to the Missing Persons Bureau, the most common explanations for an adult to vanish are home stresses, relationship and financial problems.
Thirty-year-old Georgina Gharsallah left her mother's house in Worthing, West Sussex, on the morning of 7th March this year and is yet to return. The last sighting of Georgina, whose 31st birthday was last month, was recorded on CCTV at a local mobile phone shop, and it's now been seven months since she was last in touch with family and friends. The police describe Georgina as white, 5ft 4in, with shoulder-length dark hair and a piercing above her lip. To the people who love her she is a gregarious, devoted daughter, sister and friend. Ahead, Georgina's mother, Andrea, shares her story with Refinery29.
I last saw George, as we call her, downstairs at home on the morning of 7th March. She was sitting on the floor doing her hair and I was getting ready for work. It must've been half seven or quarter to eight. She said she had some things to do in town: to go to the job centre, and her phone wasn’t working so I gave her mine to get a sim card for, which is where the story of her being in a phone shop came from. And that was it. She asked me for a couple of pounds, said "See you later" and that was the last time I spoke to and saw her.
Georgina Gharsallah.Photo courtesy of the Gharsallah family.
It didn’t surprise me when she wasn't there that evening because she’d recently split up with her boyfriend – so had come back to live with me a month before – and had spent most of the previous week at his house. I didn’t think anything of it for a couple of days. I’d sent her messages, but Georgina is the type of girl to send you messages in the middle of the night, and when I didn’t hear back we all just assumed she was at his house. That’s how my daughters and I saw it – it didn’t come into my mind that she was missing or that anything had happened to her. Each day we’d casually ask each other, "Have you heard from George?" but we didn’t think anything of it.
It wasn’t until five or six days [since she was last seen] that her boyfriend contacted me and asked if I’d heard from her. I said "No, I thought she was with you". He said he hadn’t seen her for 10 days. I didn’t really know what to say. My initial thought was that maybe she’d met someone else. She has lots of friends and ex-boyfriends who she's still friends with, and will sometimes have drinks with. That's normal for her, so I just thought she’d done that. I knew they hadn’t had a good month, having split up, so I didn’t know what to say to him.
By the time we reported it to the police it had been 10 days since she went missing. We said we’d leave it until the weekend to report in case she turned up, and then when she didn’t we thought something wasn’t right, we’d left it long enough. Now, I regret leaving it as long, because they say the sooner you report it [the more chance of them being found]. We were in touch with the police a lot in the first four to five months but after about six months it became less frequent.
We'd email the police and they'd say they would contact us if they had anything new. Even if they didn't have anything, they should have been updating us regularly. After six months they gave us a family liaison officer. The police said we were taking up too much of the team’s time by emailing – but it was three or four emails a week. I thought the family liaison officer would be easier to contact but it was harder because there were two of them and their shifts were unpredictable.
People say, 'Maybe she just went off and decided she wants a new life', but I don’t believe that.
Seven months on and there are no new leads – nothing at all. The search is at a complete standstill – it’s like we’re at a brick wall and there’s nothing. We haven’t had any CCTV sightings since the last day she went missing. When she came out of that shop she turned right and was never seen again. Somebody would have seen her, surely, but I’ve put out so many posters and Facebook messages now, and nobody has. A few people have been in touch but it turned out not to be what they thought.
Georgina is really friendly and outgoing but also has anxiety issues. Sometimes she didn’t like going out by herself but she’s very outgoing too, especially if she’s had a drink – she’ll make friends and talk to anybody. That’s what worries me, because I know how friendly and personable she is. She accumulates friends wherever she goes. She’s quite excitable, too – once she gets something in her mind she’ll keep on and on about it. I’m close with all of my daughters. That’s why I find it so hard. People say, "Maybe she just went off and decided she wants a new life", but I don’t believe that. Her safety is the most important thing to me – I just want to know she’s safe and tell her how much we miss her and love her.
Georgina Gharsallah.Photo courtesy of the Gharsallah family.
I’m not sleeping very well. I’m constantly thinking, all day and all night. I think about it during the day when I’m at work. I’m always thinking about other ways we could find her, where else we could put posters and where else we could send the police. It’s a mother’s drive of thinking What else can I do? I used to run quite a lot, marathons, and I’ve dropped out of so many that as the months go on I think I can’t do that, I hardly run now. Instead, I’m putting up posters and doing interviews. I feel guilty for doing anything else – when my other daughter asked me out for dinner I thought I shouldn’t be having a nice time because I don’t know where Georgina is. That’s how it is – it’s taken over my whole life.
People always say to us, "Fingers crossed she’ll be home soon" but what a stupid thing to say. We don’t know what’s happened to her, she might not even be alive. Or they’ll say, "Hopefully you get some news soon" – it’s all very blasé. They’ll say to me, "Maybe she was just fed up with life and decided she wanted a change" or "She’s 30, she’s an adult and can make up her own mind". I just say, "She’s my daughter and I won’t stop looking until I know she’s safe". I don’t think many people understand what it’s like – you can’t unless you’ve experienced it yourself.
To me now, every missing person counts – I didn’t think about it before that much. It’s not until you’re involved in a missing person case yourself that you really feel it. It doesn’t matter about their background or anything – they’re missing regardless of whatever they do or whatever they’ve done. That’s an important message for everybody. Everybody deserves to be found or looked for, at least.
MissingPeopleis an independent charity and a lifeline to the 250,000 people who gomissingeach year in the UK, and to their families and friends left behind. With support from partners including players of People’s Postcode Lottery, it operates a free and confidential 24-hour helpline providing advice and guidance to anybody who ismissingor away from home, as well as practical and emotional support to those dealing with the heartbreak ofmissinga loved one.
Anyone affected by the issuecan call the helpline on 116000.
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You can find all kinds of bogus workouts on the internet that claim to make you more fertile, including the best yoga poses for conceiving, and ab exercises that allegedly "boost" fertility. While it's very unlikely that one specific workout or move will magically make you conceive, your exercise habits do play somewhat of a role in determining your ability to have a baby.
This is a complicated topic to unpack, because every person's health history is completely different, including their weight and exercise habits. Given that, it's helpful to think of your exercise habits and weight as two different factors that contribute to fertility, says Joshua Klein, MD, FACOG, chief medical officer and reproductive endocrinologist at Expect Fertility. "Obviously weight and exercise are related, but they're not the same thing," he says. Weight is just one indicator of health, and certainly doesn't paint the whole picture of a person's lifestyle, including how much they exercise. For example, it's entirely possible that you could have a high weight and exercise daily, or a low weight and never exercise.
When considering only exercise, however, research has shown that people who work out excessively (as in, four to five hours a week) may have a harder time getting pregnant, because it can interfere with their hormone balance, menstrual cycles, ovulation, and other things that are necessary for pregnancy, Dr. Klein says. This is true even for women who are considered in the "normal" weight range, he says. "For those women, if they cut back on exercise, their ability to ovulate and conceive may improve," he says.
Still, exercise is part of a healthy lifestyle, so it's a good idea to do it regularly — but just don't overdo it, Dr. Klein says. There are so many reasons why you should exercise besides weight management — such as reducing stress or keeping your heart healthy — all of which are valuable when you're trying to get pregnant, too. If you're concerned about your own chances of getting pregnant, talk to your doctor about your current exercise routine, and see if they have suggestions.
Ultimately, it's important not to focus too heavily on one lifestyle factor that's just one piece of the puzzle, like exercise, Dr. Klein says, when trying to get pregnant. "We have to be realistic about the scope of impact that changes in your lifestyle can make [on your fertility]," he says. And when you're trying so many things to get pregnant, you can never truly say what "worked" or what "didn't work" for you. That said, anything you do to optimise your health is going to be something that's at least somewhat supportive of pregnancy — and exercise just happens to be on that list.
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It's a tough world out there, and sometimes it's hard to find the inspiration amidst all the depressing news. Let's be real, the current political situation seems like something out of a dark, dystopian novel. Some days, it's hard to get out of bed (this can't be just me, right?).
When it comes to women's professional lives, it can be easy to feel apathetic and, frankly, irritated about the crappy stuff that happens to us at work. (Take your pick: the pay gap, lack of diversity, and sexual harassment.) Still, for most of us, we've got to find a way to keep on moving forward, in our lives as well as our careers. After all, the rent sure isn't gonna pay itself. For some of us, that's meant blazing a career path outside of the traditional 9-5 space as a freelancer or small business owner. For others, it's meant finding new ways to make these spaces more empowering, supportive, and accommodating to our dreams (and maybe this means your "dream job" hustle starts every day after 5 p.m.).
Whatever position you find yourself in, these podcasts will provide you with all the grit, resiliency, and inspiration you need, shedding light on topics from mental health, to professional rates, to self doubt — and beyond. All our picks are created by incredible women and women of colour from various different backgrounds, professions, and experiences. So next time you're stuck in traffic or on a crowded subway car, plug in your headphones and give these a listen for a well-deserved dose of empowerment and inspiration.
Career Contessa has long been a great resource for women in the workplace, and they've rolled out a new podcast: The Femails.
The show covers women, work, and how to build a successful career on your terms. Career Contessa CEO Lauren McGoodwin interviews different women ranging from CEOs to a happiness psychologists, about their failures, triumph, and advice for career and self-development.
Must-listen episodes include: "When You Go High, You Also Go Low" and "The Power of Odd Jobs & Being Weird."
A Time Magazine Top 50 podcast, The Gender Knot, untangles the new masculinity and femininity and teases out meaning for the audience. Hosted by Nas, aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far, and Daniel Carroll, the show encourages listeners of all genders to enter into dialogue and contemplation with each other.
The show covers all kinds of topics, from how women can better ask for what they want, negotiate for better salaries, and why some men are scared of ambitious women.
Must listen episode: "Slow Burn’s host Leon Neyfakh on gender in US politics" and "Ambitious women: why are some men scared of them?"
Behind the Brilliance is a weekly podcast featuring discussions with entrepreneurs, CEOs, creatives, innovators, and more. In conversation with host Lisa Nicole Bell, guests have candid, funny, laid back discussions about their lives, work, and a lot of other surprising things in between.
Listen to this podcast for some guaranteed wisdom, strategies, and realness about living and thriving on your own terms. Must-listen episodes include "Failing Forward," "Getting Out Of A Funk," and "More With Less."
Brown Ambition is a weekly podcast run by two women of colour. Their frank conversations cover topics ranging from career know-how to investment to wealth-building on your own terms.
Co-hosts Mandi Woodruff and Tiffany Aliche have different professional backgrounds, coming from a business reporting and a personal finance background, respectively. The podcast is refreshing, honest, and engaging, and is guaranteed to leave you more informed and empowered when it comes to your career and finances. Must-listen episode: 'The Debt Consolidation Cycle.'
On How It Is, women tell their own stories in their own world. The show, which is produced by Reese Witherspoon and hosted by Diane Guerrero, features powerful, personal stories told by a diverse women — including Tarana Burke, Lena Waithe, Gabrielle Union — and makes these experiences relatable to listeners all around the world.
The podcast isn't explicitly about careers and money, though it does cover these topics in several episodes, including "Work," "Money," and "Power." More than explicit career advice, this podcast is a refreshing and uplifting look at the successes of women from very different backgrounds, and leaves listeners feeling inspired and empowered to chase after their own dreams.
ZigZag is a podcast all about changing the course of capitalism, journalism, and women in tech by documenting personal experiments with change.
After leaving steady jobs at New York Public Radio, co-hosts Manoush Zomorodi and Jen Poyant took a huge financial risk, to build a badass women-owned-and-operated media company — and document their process. Their candid, authentic, and funny conversations delve into the world of entrepreneurship, ambition, and building partnerships. They talk about topics ranging from motherhood, creativity, cryptocurrency, and more.
hey, girl. is a podcast that highlights the voices of phenomenal women. Author Alex Elle chats with CEOs, poets, authors, and small business owners on everything from self care, to doing what feels good, to navigating loss.
Created with "sisterhood and storytelling" in mind, Elle sits down and gets real with people who inspire her, with each guest giving her (and the audience) a look into their lives through honest and vulnerable conversations. Must-listen episodes include: "Jamila on Self-Value," "Ajolique on Loss," and "Nicki on the Waves of Becoming."
In She's Got Drive, Black women talk about leadership, motivation, confidence, and success — and how they achieved it. Host Shirley McAlpine speaks with Black women from different professions and walks of life, and delves into deep questions about how they got to where they are, how they navigate change, and how to be your true self no matter where you're at in your life.
Must-listen episodes include: "Episode 22: Manifesting the Life That You Want" and "Episode 5: Paulette Rowe says Never Underestimate the Power and Importance of Networking."
We love to throw around the phrase 'take the plunge,' when it comes to our careers. But what happens after? In aptly named After the Jump, Design*Sponge founder Grace Bonney interviews designers, business owners, and creatives to shed light on some of the challenges they face. The podcast explores the day-to-day realities of being a creative entrepreneur, and leaves listeners feeling inspired.
Must-listen episodes include: "Episode 91: How to Create Content for the New Online World," "Episode 83: Overcoming Fear," and "Episode 99: Changing Pay Rates for Creatives."
The name of this podcast, Jen Gotch is OK...Sometimes, somehow encapsulates what it means to exist as a woman in the world today: Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's trash, and other times it's OK.
Jen Gotch talks openly about mental health, deconstructing the notion of what it looks like for someone to "have it all together." Though the podcast isn't specifically about careers, it does delve deeply into something that so often gets overlooked when we talk about chasing down our dreams: the mental and emotional struggles that inevitably surface.
This podcast is vulnerable, and digs deep about many of the things we don't always talk openly about. Must-listen episodes include: "A Bout of Self Doubt" and "I Cry At Work."
Creating Espacios, or 'creating spaces,' is a Forbes podcast hosted by Barbara Gonzalez and Vivian Nunez. The collection of conversations is an amazing resource for current or aspiring entrepreneurial women, and provides invaluable information for those wanting to learn more about the media or startup world.
It's no secret that entrepreneurship can feel dominated by white men, for this reason, these two women sit down with Latina trailblazers who are innovating in their fields. And the result is sure to leave you feeling ready to tackle your own venture. Must-listen episodes include: "Saskia Sorrosa: Following Your Passions Isn't Impossible, It's Just Hard Work" and "Gina Rodriguez: On the importance of Being a Meaningful Specific."
Finances are scary. Sometimes, it's difficult to gather the proper information around budgeting, investment, and mutual funds without feeling overwhelmed. Talking about money can still be taboo, but one way to start having important conversations is to arm yourself with knowledge. If this sounds like where you're at, then HerMoney should be your next podcast listen.
Created by Jean Chatzky, the financial editor of NBC’s TODAY show, the podcast talks to women about everything from financial independence, to smart investment, 401(k)s, and even Money Diaries.
Must-listen episodes include: "Episode 1: Gretchen Rubin on Happiness" and "Episode 125: HerMoney Diary Entry No.1."
Oh, you thought 2016 was a banner year for celebrities getting political? You saw Miley Cyrus campaigning for Hillary Clinton and thought that was the peak? Well, you thought wrong! Two years after the 2016 election, which brought on a sort of panicked celebrity activism (Cyrus later wept openly on Instagram, frustrated that Hillary lost), celebrities are more engaged than ever. Stars who never seemed like they would be political suddenly were chatting politics. They endorsed candidates including Stacey Abrams, Andrew Gillum, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, none of whom are running for president. This year, celebrities are getting granular with their political support. Taylor Swift endorsed a senate candidate, and has proceeded to advocate for early voting. (Unfortunately no word yet on whether Meghan Markle can vote.) Jake Gyllenhaal lent a hand to Stephen Colbert on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert for a sketch encouraging people to vote. They're also getting louder, tweeting, and Instagramming with a fervour we haven't seen before.
This is in part because their opponent, President Donald Trump, is the noisiest President yet on social media. Trump loves to tweet about the midterms; celebrities are just trying to thwart him at his own game.
Now that the midterms have officially arrived — come on in, ya middle terms — celebs are flexing their power on social media. Ahead, the biggest, brightest, and most impressive midterm-related celeb tweets.
Twas the day of elections, and all through the house, everyone was saying, "Beyoncé endorsed Beto!"
Peretti demonstrates one place you can absolutely put your election sticker.
What Biel says is true: A Lyft to the polls is 50% off.
That makes at least one politically involved erstwhile One Directioner.
Sweet home voter!
Listen to Mariah Carey! And no, we don't mean listen to "All I Want For Christmas."
You said it, Ellen.
Straight from Ty Dolla Sign (née Tyrone Griffith): exercise your right to vote.
Haddish, who stars in Nobody's Fool, endorsed Florida candidate Andrew Gillum.
Gyllenhaal expressed his support for Beto O'Rourke on Facebook, which his fans later posted on Instagram.
Kim Kardashian in a sleek grey turtleneck. Let turtleneck season commence!
Comedian Nick Kroll voted (presumably) in character as Gil Ozeri, his character from Oh, Hello!
Demi Lovato emerged from an Instagram silence to post about casting her vote.
Jimmy Kimmel's pancakes are political, too.
Fallon voted his with wife, Nancy Juvonen.
If you don't vote, don't talk to SNL 's Leslie Jones.
"I know you've been seeing a lot of high-profile people post about voting," Lopez said on Twitter, acknowledging the upswell of celebrity attention.
Um, are those Cards Against Humanity cards?
To the Youths: Susan Sarandon believes in you.
"Do the thing" is a popular term these days.
Babysitter Steve, is that you?
Grande, here, is providing the backup echo that appears in her song "Thank U, Next."
He said please!
Ava DuVernay illustrated her point with a quote from A Wrinkle in Time.
Kings of Leon wants you to go to a Waffle House, too.
Thanks, Julianne Moore!
Shahidi, a newly minted Harvard student, is prepped and ready to go.
No matter how you felt about Mother!, Darren Aronofsky wants you to go vote.
Seth Meyers brought his eldest son, Ash, with him when he voted. (Ash can't vote yet!)
Dwayne Wade endorsed Andrew Gillum for Florida.
Former governor Arnold Shwarzenegger is all about terminating gerrymandering.
Kate Walsh joined in the fun with a meme!
Interesting thoughts from the guy who starred in not one, but two Netflix rom-coms this year.
Refer to this list — kindly provided by Common — if you need to know if you can do same-day registration.
What if — hear me out — you met the love of your life at the polls?
Send your selfies to John Krasinski!
Do as Oprah says.
Josh Gad did it.
Ah, Johnson never misses an opportunity to take a jab at his Jumanji co-star Kevin Hart.
Let's go!
Sprouse, who will soon appear in the movie Five Feet Apart, has said the word: Apathy is not cool.
Lili Reinhart, another Riverdale star, also got out the voting encouragement.
Vote so hard you lose ownership of your butt!
Come for Kerry Washington's encouragement, stay for her puppy and her excellent glasses.
Tik tok, cast your vote! (Kesha says so.)
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