In 2017, sister trio HAIM fired their booking agent after they found out they were paid ten times less than another male artist repped by the very same agent. Reportedly, the pop group the group — composed of sisters Este, Danielle, and Alana Haim — learned of the ridiculous discrepancy on the very same festival lineup, and decided the disparity was unacceptable.
"It’s fucked up not even to be paid half the same amount," said Alana in a Grazia interview at the time. "But to be paid a tenth of that amount of money? It was insane."
Now, several months later, the sisters are reflecting on the meaning of this incident. At TheWrap’s 2018 Power Women’s Summit this week, the women once again spoke out about what it meant for them to learn about this inequality — and take the appropriate action.
“[We hear], ‘Don’t rock the boat,’ ‘Don’t ask a question,’ Don’t cause a problem,'” Alana Haim said at the Power Women’s Summit. “ I remember hearing ‘Don’t rock the boat’ for the first time and wondering, ‘Why can’t I rock the boat? I wanna rock the boat.”
Certainly, the Haim sisters are not the only ones rocking the boat. In the past year, we’ve heard several incidents of gender pay disparity, not just in music but in several industries. From The Crown actress Claire Foy being paid less than her male co-star to the startling gender gap among Uber drivers, few women — celebrity or otherwise — are spared from these double standards. And, thankfully, alongside women, some men are also fighting for change.
There is some hope on the horizon, however. The Haim sisters aren’t the only ones speaking out about inequality, pay or otherwise. Millennials and younger generations are being increasingly candid about their finances — what they’re making, what they’re spending, and more. And, coupled with heightened scrutiny of gender and racial inequality and a decrease in tolerance for sexual harassment, these cultural shifts are becoming more evident. It’s becoming more difficult to hide or get away with blatant gender bias, especially when less women will tolerate it.
“We were just in complete shock that this was still happening,” said middle sister Danielle Haim at the Summit. “We decided that we needed a change and that’s what happened.
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Popularised in Korea, the complex, 7-step routine of layering mists, essences, serums and more has taken the skincare sphere by storm. But using so many products at once can be a recipe for disaster for most, causing clogged pores, irritation and a host of other skin bugbears.
It's no wonder, then, that 'skip-care' – a trend which consists of skipping certain steps and ditching unnecessary products – is gaining traction among Korean millennials, according to Byrdie. It might be a new movement, but skip-care is currently all over Instagram, with Korean brands such as Jullai and AmorePacific waving the flag. The best part? Skip-care is expert-approved.
"Layering seven or 10 products over each other morning and evening has always seemed excessive to me and a surefire way to increase your risk of breaking out," says London-based consultant dermatologist, Dr Justine Kluk, "so drilling a skincare routine down to the essentials makes perfect sense. I always tell my patients to keep things simple, but this doesn’t mean you should scrimp on things you need."
So which products should a good, solid skincare routine consist of? "In the morning, use a cleanser, antioxidant serum and sun protection moisturiser or sunscreen," says Dr Kluk. Cleansing is the lynchpin of a good skincare routine, so those who are acne-prone might find La Roche-Posay's Effaclar Purifying Cleansing Gel, £12, beneficial for gently eradicating oil without stripping skin, while combination skin will do well with Boots' Tea Tree & Witch Hazel Foaming Face Wash, £4.19. If you have dry to 'normal' skin (no skin troubles) try Lixirskin's Electrogel Cleanser, £25, or you can work out the best cleanser for your skin type here.
Sun protection is also an incredibly important part of a morning skincare routine. Recent research has found that SPF in moisturiser might not be providing you with the best protection, so it pays to opt for a separate product, which should be applied over moisturiser. Dermatologists recommend Heliocare's 360 Gel Oil-Free SPF 50, £31, for all skin types.
In the evening, Dr Kluk suggests using a makeup remover if you've been wearing products during the day (R29 rates A'kin's Cleansing Micellar Water, £12.50), following with a cleanser (a proper, water-based cleanse) and a vitamin A cream (aka retinol) or hydrating serum or moisturiser. "Depending on age and priorities, a peptide-containing product can be added morning and evening to the eye contour, neck and décolleté," Dr Kluk adds.
With new research suggesting adult acne is widespread among women over 25, Dr Kluk, who specialises in the skin condition, offers some extra useful tips. "If you have pimples (pustules or cysts from acne), I would steer away from scrubs which tend to increase swelling, soreness, redness and inflammation," she explains. "Avoid oils altogether if you get blackheads or closed comedones, which are those pesky skin-coloured bumps that often lead to acne flare-ups."
"The same goes for heaping on layers of different serums," adds Dr Kluk. "Always check to see that products are labelled non-comedogenic (which means they won't clog your pores) or ask your dermatologist for suggestions if you’re taking prescription treatment for acne. There are a number of online ingredients checkers that can help you identify the worst pore clogging culprits."
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Is anyone else incredibly bored of minimalism? Like, the whole keeping all surfaces clean thing, the whole decorating in colours that get dirty the minute you turn your back, the whole blah boring blah?
If this sounds like you, come and join us on the other side. This is the year we're (finally) waving goodbye to Scandi sophistication and saying hello to interiors that are seriously bold.
So what is maximalism? It's essentially a fancy interiors word for being extra af. Think opulent materials, jewel tones, wild patterns and completely ridiculous accessories that exist "just because".
OG maximalist store House of Hackney can be a little spenny. But these days there are also more affordable brands aboard the maximalist bandwagon.
Channel Cher, channel Joan Collins, channel Dorien from Birds of a Feather and click through to find our pick of home accessories so extra they'd make Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen weep.
Hardboiled sweet or completely impractical vase? Your choice.
Habitat Orange bubble glass vase, $25, available at Habitat
Buy several. Fill your numerous and many coloured vases.
Bahne Bahne Faux Ranunculus Single Stem Flower , $16.43, available at HomeArama
Wildly expensive but what else is your irresponsible application for seven credit cards for?
House Of Hackney BLACKTHORN 'Wilton' Button-Back Sofa - Teal, $5874, available at House Of Hackney
One for every room of your house?
Sonos HAY Sonos One Limited Edition, $229, available at Sonos
Brightly coloured and unabashedly ridiculous. Sign us up.
Graham and Green Gluggle Jugs, $32, available at Graham and Green
The ever-improving success of IVF has led to fewer children being adopted, a leading young persons' advocate has said.
According to the NHS, 29% of IVF treatments given to women under 35 now result in a live birth.
Anthony Douglas of the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass) told the Daily Telegraph: "IVF used to be around 7% successful and now it's around 30%.
"So as a choice, adoption is competing with lots of other ways of having children."
In March 2017, a Department of Education report revealed that in England there were 72,670 children in care – 2,220 more than the year before.
However, the report also revealed that the number of children adopted from care had fallen to 4,350 – down around 20% from 5,460 two years earlier.
Douglas, chief executive of Cafcass, which represents children in care, suggested that the growing success of IVF isn't the only factor deterring prospective parents from choosing to adopt.
“Every child deserves a family to live and grow up in, but adoption still takes twice as long as it should, which puts people off,” he told the Daily Telegraph.
"Most children will come with some damaging experience that needs therapeutic support and they may have difficulties through their childhood. To assess and train for that… does take some months, but it’s still taking too long."
In its 2017 report, the Department of Education said that the average length of time between a child entering care and that child being adopted had fallen in a year from 30 months to 24 months.
"My daughter had been in care for two years when I first read her profile," said Katrina, a self-employed woman from London, who adopted her 13-year-old daughter Leah eight years ago.
"I felt hers was a history I could deal with and openly talk about without finding it difficult," Katrina continued. "She moved in with me in 2010; it was a challenge at first. You're taking on an emotional and vulnerable child, and you become a sort of mini therapist. The behaviours she’d exhibited when she first went into foster care happened again.
"But I knew she’d been doing well in foster care so I knew we could get back to that. Luckily Leah is now much more able to control her emotions."
A man shot and killed two women at a yoga studio in Tallahassee, FL on Friday night. The victims were identified as Maura Binkley, 21, a student at Florida State University and Nancy Van Vessem, 61, a faculty member at FSU’s medical school and chief medical director for Tallahassee's Capital Health Plan, reported CNN. Five people were injured, including one victim who was pistol-whipped.
“There are no words to express the shock and grief we feel after learning of the deaths of Maura Binkley and Dr. Nancy Van Vessem,” John Thrasher, Florida State University president, tweeted. “To lose one of our students and one of our faculty members in this tragic and violent way is just devastating to the Florida State University family.”
The two women who were killed, and the five injured people, may have attempted to subdue the shooter. “There were indications that several people not only fought back but tried to save other people,” said Tallahassee Police Chief Michael DeLeo, according to Reuters.
The gunman, identified as Scott Paul Beierle, 40, killed himself before responding police officers arrived at the scene. In addition to his previous police record for harassing women, Beierle had a history of posting misogynist and racist content online, reported Buzzfeed News. YouTube videos, purportedly recorded by Beierle, in which he rails against women and people of colour, and identified with violent “incel” (involuntary celibate) ideology. “There are whores in — not only every city, not only every town but every village,” he said in one video. Beierle also voiced his frustration that the Affordable Care Act included coverage for contraception, saying that he was offended at his taxes going towards “the casual sex lives of slutty girls.”
Buzzfeed News also found Beirele’s SoundCloud page, which included songs with lyrics like “I’m no athletic shark/ I’m not a physical specimen/ I don’t win the trophies and medals/ Nobody stands in awe of me.” These lyrics fit in squarely with incel talking points, many of which lament physical looks as compared to a rigidly-defined standard, and how they view women as owing them attention and sex.
Tabitha Barnard spent her girlhood in the verdant, sprawling hinterlands of rural Maine, surrounded by deep forests and rolling fields and secluded places for wild swimming. Religion was a huge part of her formative years, and she recalls the way her extended family – staunchly Christian on her mother's side – would go to church at least twice a week. "While they were very religious, my parents always really encouraged our imaginations and fantasy games. We were pretty isolated and relied on each other for company often, so a lot of my images deal with this fantasy world we created in the lake and woods of the New England landscape."
The 'we' Barnard is referring to is herself, the oldest child, and her three sisters: Claudia, the middle child, and twins Grace and Sophie, the youngest. "Since there were four of us while we were growing up, we would split into teams a lot," she says. "For a long time, there was a lot of tension between the two separate factions (me and Claudia vs Grace and Sophie). We loved scaring ourselves by pretending there were witches in the woods, and we loved dramatic makeup, hair dye, and dress up. I have a vivid memory of getting permanent red dye on my mum's brand new curtains, and the intense fear that bonded Grace and I as we tried to wash it out."
As the girls got older, Barnard began photographing them compulsively, and it became a shared experience, she says, that grounded them and brought them closer together. "There was this beautiful symbiotic relationship and collaboration between all of us to make the pictures."
Here, Barnard talks to Refinery29 about the ideas behind her ongoing photographic collaboration with her sisters, and shares some of her favourite images with us.
"Nearly every photograph I make is of my sisters. Sometimes I’ll photograph my cousins or close friends but the main body of work is always Claudia, Grace and Sophie. I think I wanted to start documenting them when I realised the situation we were raised in was not a universal one. I wanted to start to expose that part of my life to viewers. Sometimes I’ll visualise an image in my head and then meet up with my sisters to make it. But other times I’ll see them do a specific motion or in a specific light and just know I need to make that photograph. I usually make them repeat the pose or action over and over again until it feels organic. It drives them crazy but I just keep pushing until I get the picture I want."
There's overt symbolism relating to religion and the church in Barnard’s pictures, but there’s also a presence of occult imagery and objects – seemingly conflicting themes all wrapped up in her exploration of femininity.
"When I was growing up I loved to read bible stories that were specifically about powerful women or witches. It was almost like watching a horror movie for me at that age. The occult was so forbidden, my mum totally believed in demons and scared me so badly that to this day I’m horrified that I’ll accidentally communicate with some kind of dark force. Because of that, it became a really strong undercurrent in my psyche and my work. The church was so prominent in our lives. Claudia still goes every Sunday. But there were certain members of the church that demonised femininity often, and bible stories, like Queen Jezebel, that did the same thing. The first time I read about the Whore of Babylon I was terrified, but her description was so vivid and beautiful. I knew these were things I wanted to play with, using my own sisters as actors."
Given that she photographs the place she grew up in so intensely, Barnard believes there is a certain part of her that is trying to work through her own teen experiences, using her sisters and other subjects as a conduit, unpicking what it means to be a part of that world and the pressure on young girls of being that age.
"I still remember the intense emotions and psychical changes of being a teenage girl and wishing I could make others confront my reality then. (I also want to clarify that my experience with womanhood is not totally universal, the photographs are about myself and my sisters who are cisgender. The scope of womanhood and being a teenager only gets more complicated for each female-identifying or queer person.) I struggled between my sexuality and what I was taught in youth group. I watched my youngest sister struggle with her own queer sexual identity. I was never into journalling but when I discovered photography I felt like I had discovered this powerful tool to visually express to everyone how I was feeling. I had the ability to give my sisters agency in their own stories of maturation. Photographs of women are so often made for male consumption and I wanted my pictures to be about something darker and more confrontational. I love using beauty and abjection to subvert that gaze."
"I love the drama!" Barnard muses. Her images feel almost like film stills, rich and cinematic as if shot through Sofia Coppola's eyes. "I was very into theatre as a kid and did lots of community plays. That transformed into a love for movies and that cinematic, dramatic lighting that you find in both plays and film. More often than not the images are directed by me or one of my sisters will give me an idea and then I’ll try and flesh it out in a photograph. It becomes another game for us to create the staged pictures. Almost akin to how we were playing when we were younger. I love sewing costumes for them to wear in specific pictures and they all love doing their makeup and preparing for the scene. I always want to create a narrative (not necessarily a linear one) about being a young girl trapped in this isolated emotional and psychical landscape. Setting up the photographs and controlling the emotional tone of the lighting is really important to that idea."
Photographing one's own family is a particularly emotive act and Barnard says that even though she sees her work as more performative than documentary, she still has real moments of reflection when looking back at the images she's taken. "They are like this amazing document of my family over the years. I frequently send old images I took to my sisters now. We love laughing at ourselves or what we thought was a good haircut or outfit. But at the same time, Grace and Sophie can basically watch themselves go through puberty, a time that I photographed pretty relentlessly. Seeing that transformation from girl to woman is something I have a really strong emotional reaction to when I look at the breadth of the work. They don’t react at all to a camera anymore, the reaction I get is when we convene for what Claudia has dubbed 'sister therapy' and no photographs are allowed. I feel compelled to make images of them at all times, it’s like an animal instinct now. And I think I’ll always feel that need to continue this project even if it moves out of my primary focus."
"I watched myself, my friends, my young cousins, go from being children to sexualised objects immediately, when really there is such a gradual change. Teenage girls are so often referred to as jailbait, makeup companies advertise to girls younger and younger each year. I think the pressure is only getting stronger to become desirable and sexual as soon as possible. Women for consumption or women as a small plot point in a man's story has always made me kind of ill but it’s still so pervasive in the culture. In the political climate in the USA right now it's such an important issue. I wanted to show that women and girls could be complete and unique characters as teenagers and young women."
"Being on the cusp of adolescence is so transitional and scary and it is so often depicted as a nightmare. I want to display the beauty and growth that takes place during that time. And most importantly depict a triumphant story of unrestricted feminine emotions and close female friendships. It’s obviously not all fairy dust and rainbows but it is such an important formational stage of life and depicting it so two-dimensionally, as a lot of pop culture does, really does it a disservice."
"One of my favourite images from this series is this one of Claudia with cherries staining her teeth. I love it because it always makes me think of communion and drinking the blood of Christ. But it also references vampires, and eternal youth is captured forever in a photograph. I was sitting with her during a family vacation in June while she was eating cherries hand over fist. When I looked over at her she smiled and her entire mouth was blood red. The skin of a half-eaten cherry was still stuck to her hand. She looked ridiculous and scary and the whole thing was so reminiscent of summer for me."
"Another favourite photograph is this one of my mum's leg and her scar. She had surgery on that leg after getting into a horrible car accident in high school. I almost never photograph my mum because she’s so self-conscious and so self-aware of the camera that it’s hard to get a picture we both like. But she finally allowed me to photograph a piece of her that I know feels really private to her. My mother opening up to me like that and revealing her scar not only to my camera but to other viewers too felt really important. I felt like at that moment she was also opening up to my work and truly understanding what it was about. That scar and her actions speak to me about the strength in healing and in mothers as a whole. And I’m forever grateful to my mum each time she lets me point the camera on her."
"Finally, this image of all three of my sisters standing on the end of a dock will always be really important for me. They got into that formation on their own and they were standing like that as I walked down from the house to join them. I love how Claudia is sunbathing in a bikini, Grace is in her more fashionable one-piece swimsuit and Sophie is wearing this sporty suit. Sophie was so self-conscious and self-deprecating about her suit during the photographs. The fact that the pressure to look a very specific type of 'sexy' had made its way into this situation was really gut-wrenching. They are each really individual here and you get to see all the sisters and their unique style and sense of self, rather than them individually or as a unit, as I typically photograph them. Sophie’s stance looks so powerful and unwavering, and both the twins almost look like they're guarding Claudia while she's tanning. The photo could have so easily become three pretty girls in their swimsuits but their stances and expressions transcend that entirely."
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If you’re feeling off your game this week, there’s a good reason, stargazers. It’s all tied to Venus! Our ruler of beauty, charm, and money is still retrograde this week, but she'll be back to her scheduled programming next week. If you can accept a slower pace in those aspects of your life until then, you'll sail through this week. Heck, you might even learn a thing or two along the way.
On Wednesday, we're invited to start fresh with a new moon in Scorpio. If you’re feeling a little vulnerable, sit with your emotions and meditate on how you’d like to feel by the time the moon is full in Gemini on the 23rd. If you take time to sift through your feelings now, you’ll be able to express yourself with confidence later. On Thursday, Jupiter changes houses. His movements will dictate different joys for each sign, but, in general the planet of luck and plenty is here to help you out! All week, Mercury is moving out of bounds. Communication slows down, and we may trip over our words. Be patient with yourself as we gear up for the third Mercury retrograde of the year next week.
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Aries March 21 to April 19
If you want to brush up on your skills and talents, do so midweek: Jupiter moves into your ninth house of education on Thursday, bolstering your ability to retain information.
Also on Wednesday, the new moon in Scorpio may dredge up conflicts at home and among your family members. Prepare to listen to the people you love, as they will be feeling especially raw during this lunar phase. Resolve to help your inner circle grow together — new moons are lovely for putting new ideas and practices into place. On Sunday, Mercury, your personal planet of health and work, begins to move out of bounds. The communication planet will soon be retrograde, so get ready for this backspin by taking care of your well-being and physical body. It’s time to charge your batteries, Ram.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Taurus April 20 to May 20
On Sunday, Mercury, your personal financial planet, moves out of bounds from his usual path. During this time, the way that you relate to (and use) your finances may change. Consider how you want to adjust your flow of funds before Mercury throws another curveball your way next week, in the form of a retrograde. You’re one of the most money-minded, financially stable signs, Taurus, so you should be able to tackle this challenge with ease.
On Thursday, Jupiter is making his way into your eighth house of regeneration and sex. Partnered? Make plans this weekend to get lost in each other. After all, autumn is a romantic season to spend cosying up to the ones you love. If you’re single, you could have a sexual awakening! Embrace your power, and you’ll exude confidence.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Gemini May 21 to June 20
It’s almost that time again, Gemini: On Sunday, Mercury begins to move out of bounds, gearing up to start his third retrograde of the year. He'll begin his path in Scorpio, highlighting changes that need to be made. Because he is out of bounds, Mercury won’t be the guiding light that he usually is for you. You'll have to think long and hard about your innermost emotions before expressing them to your loved ones, friends, and coworkers. Remember, it’s harder to take back words than it is to take a moment to cool down.
On Wednesday, your money planet, the moon, starts a new cycle in Scorpio. Does the thought of dealing with your finances give you the willies? Try identifying your emotional spending triggers. On a lighter note, you’re about to get even more popular, Gem! On Thursday, Jupiter, your personal planet of love, moves into your seventh house of relationships.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Cancer June 21 to July 22
Have you been itching to create a healthier balance in your life, Cancer? Sometimes it’s hard to know where to start. Thankfully, this week it will be easier to make those little changes to your routine stick. Mark your calendar for Thursday, when lucky Jupiter moves into your sixth house of health.
On Sunday, your personal planet of spirituality, Mercury, begins to move out of bounds. As this planet slows down and moves away from his usual path, take time to nurture your relationship with your heart's desires and your sense of direction. It’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind, but being kind and prioritising your emotions can go a longer way than you’d think. In preparation for Mercury’s retrograde next week, work on creating a quick daily practice to support your mind and soul. It could be as simple as stretching in silence or meditating.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Leo July 23 to August 22
On Sunday, focus your efforts toward getting that bread, Leo. Mercury, your planet of finances, begins to move out of bounds and closer to his third retrograde of the year. Brace yourself for his backspin next week by holding off on spending. As much as you may love to splurge, you’re a natural fundraiser and hustler, so you can roll with this movement.
On Thursday, bountiful Jupiter makes his way into your fifth house of pleasure. Just because you need to save your cash doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun! This movement will help you shine even more than you usually do, so tap into your natural charm and organise a get-together with your friends, ideally at your home. Host a potluck supper and make it a group effort. It’s sure to top an expensive night out.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Virgo August 23 to September 22
You’ve made so much progress already, Virgo, and your past successes will fuel your future ones — you thrive on forward movement. That said, you may need to slow down a little, as your ruling planet, Mercury, begins to move out of bounds on Sunday. This could mean culling your ambitions at work or at least lowering your expectations for your results.
As the ruler of your career zone, Mercury helps you grow by highlighting what you can realistically accomplish. Sometimes it can feel like you're always going back to the drawing board, but what is progress without having to innovate? Let change come naturally and listen for conflicts that have sprouted up over the past month. Create your plans carefully and don’t expect to see significant results until Mercury goes direct in December. Change is inevitable, but we can control the flow if we stay focused!
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Libra September 23 to October 22
On Sunday, Mercury will be moving out of bounds and toward his third retrograde of the year. As your personal planet of spirituality and good fortune, Mercury is making subtle waves of change in your life. If you’re feeling off this week, get some perspective by going for a walk in nature or reducing screen time when you’re alone. Be still with your thoughts and reflect on what you’re thankful for in your life ('tis the season).
On Tuesday, Uranus, the planet of change, moves into your seventh house of relationships. If you’re single or attached, you may feel tempers rise in regards to who gives and takes more in your friendships and partnerships. Wait to speak your mind until Thursday, when Jupiter moves into your third house of communication.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Scorpio October 23 to November 21
Does any sign roll with change better than you, Scorpio? On Tuesday, Uranus, your personal planet of home and family, moves back into your sixth house of work, setting the scene for another round of transformations. It’s time to get prepared for significant changes at home for the next few weeks.
Avoid stirring the pot with your family members and, instead, support them by working on home improvement projects. Put that strategic mind of yours to work on some low-key (or even high-key) renovation ideas! You’ll be able to supply the materials needed on Thursday, when lucky Jupiter moves into your financial house.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Sagittarius November 22 to December 21
You’ve just gotta relax, Sagittarius. The planets are asking you to press pause on a few areas of your life, and you need to be ready to do as they say. On Sunday, you may feel a change in the air when Mercury moves out of bounds. This speedy little planet rules both your love life and career, and he’s making his way toward his upcoming third retrograde of 2018.
Retrogrades are an excellent time to reset your routine, Sag. Keep your cool this week while Venus, your personal planet of work and health is still retrograde. Your perspective will brighten and everyday life will feel easier when she goes direct next week. On Thursday, your ruling planet, Jupiter, moves into your first house of self. He’s ready to make you feel like you again!
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Capricorn December 22 to January 19
Wednesday’s new moon in Scorpio will peel back your steely exterior, Capricorn. You’re going to feel more sensitive than you have in a long time. Communicate with your loved ones with honesty, but don’t let your emotions get the better of you. Work toward positive change by using "I" statements and active listening.
Speaking of leading with your true feelings, there's nothing quite like confidence to guide you through the upcoming Mercury retrograde. This planet is also known as your personal planet of health and work and on Sunday, it will move out of bounds, preparing these zones of your life to break out of their normal sphere. Create peace in your home, put extra care into your work, and quiet your mind while you adjust to these movements.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Aquarius January 20 to February 18
On Sunday, Mercury will begin to move out of bounds before he enters his third retrograde of the year next week. While he’s slowing down, he will slide into your house of friendships, helping you reconnect with your closest friends.
One of the tests of a true friendship is when your pals can understand how you're feeling, even when you can't put your emotions into words. Seek out your true friends on Wednesday, when the new moon in Scorpio may bring up intense feelings that you may struggle to express. On Thursday, Jupiter moves into your 11th house of friendship, making you the life of the party. If you’ve got holiday plans this month, start planning your own get-together now.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Pisces February 19 to March 20
This week, focus in on your home and family life and strive to create a sense of balance. Messenger planet Mercury will be moving out of bounds on Sunday, before he kicks off his third and final retrograde of the year next week. This upcoming movement will also affect your love life, as this planet rules your relationships.
Single? You might find yourself attracted to a co-worker or someone in your professional network. Mercury inhabits your 10th house of career this month, so anything could happen. But don’t let a pretty pair of eyes distract you from your goals on Thursday, when Jupiter posts up in your 10th house as well. If you’ve wanted to level up at work, this is your month to go for it.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
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Trump made a visit to Iowa on Friday to stump for Reynolds, who, according to a recent Iowa Poll, is currently deadlocked against Democrat Fred Hubbell. In a tweet, Trump said she was “proud” to be in Des Moines to “support [her] friend.”
The tweet is typical of Trump, shellacked with a “girl power” tone meant to highlight the fact that Reynolds is the first female governor of Iowa, while also promoting Republican standbys like tax cuts and being “pro-growth.” It makes no mention of the abortion restriction.
As the FIRST female Governor of Iowa, @IAGovernor cut taxes, balanced the budget (with a 127 m surplus!) & fostered a pro-growth environment where incomes are rising & unemployment is 2nd lowest in the Country!
The abortion bill, signed by Reynolds in May of this year, bans all abortions after six weeks with exceptions for victims of rape and incest, but little else. This cutoff is because a heartbeat can supposedly be detected in a foetus at six weeks time, which is why the bill, and ones like it, are often referred to as “heartbeat bills.” But six weeks often passes before most women know they are pregnant.
Trump, despite her frequent vocal support for women and love for #GirlBoss-esque inspirational quotes, is certainly no friend of any woman who wants control of her own body.
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Fewer than one in ten people in the UK attempt to repair or restore their broken furniture, according to new research.
Every year in the UK, nearly 22 million small pieces of furniture, more than 11,000 bicycles and more than 28 million toys are thrown away when they become damaged, a study by North London Waste Authority (NLWA) found.
A recent survey found that 99% of UK adults now "actively recycle", and many of us are trying to correct our recycling mistakes so we minimise the impact we have on the planet.
But Councillor Clyde Noakes of the NLWA says that going forward, more of us will want to repair as well as recycle in order to help the environment.
"As society becomes more aware of the impact of our waste on the environment, we believe there is an appetite for moving away from the culture of habitually binning – or even recycling – and buying new," he said. "But many of us don’t have the skills to extend the life of household items – only 15 per cent of those we asked in our survey said they had repair skills."
To this end, the NWLA has launched a series of pop-up "repair cafés" in north London to teach people the skills they need to fix their broken household items. The NLWA has partnered with TRAID, the charity which works to stop people from throwing away unwanted clothes, to teach Londoners key sewing skills.
While this is currently just a local project – sadly – an organisation called The Restart Project runs "restart parties" all over the UK where people learn how to repair damaged electronic goods. You can check out a list of upcoming events here.
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Our £1,650 House Is Just A Quick Ride From Central London
In Refinery29'sSweet Digs, we take a look inside the sometimes small, sometimes spacious homes of millennial women. Today, 31-year-old Megan Parry shows off her three-bedroom home in East London.
When 31-year-old Megan Parry decided to take the jump from Wimbledon to Leyton in East London, she knew she was probably going to have to give up some space. "The best place I've lived was in Wimbledon, a leafy big house with a large room and my own balcony," Parry says. "But the landlord needed to sell and it's a bit out [from central London]."
Luckily, Parry stumbled upon a room in a house where a colleague was living with a friend from school. With the flat mostly furnished, Parry only had to do the bare minimum when it came to making the house homey — and all for a cool £1,650. If you do the maths, that's £550 each. Watch Parry show off her sweet digs in the video above.
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When we saw A Star Is Born, we knew that this film was destined for awards, and lots of them. Oscars, Golden Globes, SAGs — A Star Is Born is the kind of film that is engineered to win all the statues during the 2019 awards season, but thanks to pesky timing issues, the Grammys won’t be in the cards for the Bradley Cooper-produced flick.
The Hollywood Reporter reports thatA Star Is Born’s original soundtrack won’t be eligible for any Grammy honours, despite hogging the Billboard charts for nearly a month. The soundtrack was released on October 5, making its release five days too late for Grammy 2019 consideration. A measly five days will prevent Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper from collecting all of the mini phonographs.
But there’s a reason why the OST was released too late for the Grammys, and it was by design: the movie’s producer Lynette Howell told THR, “We didn’t want to release the soundtrack before the movie because the soundtrack really is the story of the film.” In other words, they wanted to avoid spoilers, since the songs, like any musical, tell the greater story. “There are multiple tracks in there that are soundbites from the film and so it was really important that people experience them simultaneously, and it was important to Bradley that audiences got a chance to experience the movie first, or at least alongside,” said Howell. So, we can also blame Cooper on the decided lack of Grammys for the film.
Still, one song will make it through for a Grammy nod. “Shallow” was released before the October 1 deadline, and is a fan favourite. THR also notes that three Gaga-penned songs have also been submitted for Oscar consideration, so it’s likely that A Star Is Born will get the dues it deserves. With one song eligible for a Grammy, and three eligible for Academy Awards, it is very possible that we will get A Star Is Born performances at both award ceremonies. So fear not, little monsters.
Gaga will grace the stage, even if she doesn’t collect many statues. The Grammys take place on February 10, 2019.
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After my first job at MTV working as a music programmer, I can't stop trying to matchmake people with music they might like. So, I wrote a book calledRecord Collecting for Girlsand started interviewing musicians. The Music Concierge is a column where I share music I'm listening to that you might enjoy, with a little context. Follow me on Twitter or Facebook, or leave me a comment below and tell me what you're listening to this week.
Carly Rae Jepsen "Party for One"
One is the loneliest number? Not if Carly Rae Jepsen (doing her best Margot Tennenbaum impression) has anything to say about it. Jepsen, who crushed us all with her debut single, is ready to reinvent the breakup song in 2018. If you thought all unrequited crushes have to be sad, Jepsen has a counteroffer: Consider dancing with yourself instead of wallowing in your sads.
dodie "If I'm Being Honest"
dodie is not messing around when she proclaims her honesty in the title of this track. If anything it's almost too brutal to handle. While it makes for a compelling, gorgeous song, I have to admit that I hope no one is ever this honest with me. Tell me lies instead.
Little Mix "Joan of Arc"
I never thought the day would come when I would stan for a Little Mix song but...here we are. When it's a jam, you know. And this song, despite its obvious aural debt to that '00s hit "Tipsy," is the reimagining of "Single Ladies " that 2018 needs. Relationships are great. Loving yourself is better. If pop radio is ready to embrace that, we've come a hell of a long way, baby.
Shungudzo "Paper"
This one's for the socialists...or those of you who are really invested in the idea of forgiveness for student debt. In this video, Shungudzo explores the Black Mirror -esque idea of a future where you could sell your soul for an influx of cash. The chase for paper is something almost everyone understands, minus that top 1%. The question of how much you'd sacrifice for it, however, is not one often grappled with in music.
Mariah Carey "A No No"
Finally! Mariah drops a track from her forthcoming album that is a hot one. Oh, and sassy to boot. This is some Bad Boy circa the late '90s production (why is Mase not on the track), giving me vintage Mariah vibes — when she was at her best — but with mid '00s Mariah lyrics of the "not putting up with your shit" variety. It's the Mariah I've been waiting for; now give me more.
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This week on Refinery29, we’re filling your screens and consciousness with inspiring women over 50. Why? Because living in a culture obsessed with youth is exhausting for everyone. Ageing is a privilege, not something to dread. Welcome to Life Begins At...
“Your boat is on a very choppy sea,” said Maryann knowingly. She is one of the select older and wiser women in my life, who got me through a turbulent period, back there.
I was recounting my story to her with my head in my hands. Life had suddenly become very confusing. Continuing the travel analogy, one minute I was cruising a marvelously lit highway in a 4x4. The next, without noticing, I had taken a wrong turn, I was bouncing down a dark dirt track in a banger.
“How did I get here,” I kept asking, “and,” (more to the point) “how can I get out? ” I was used to problem solving and multi-tasking with executive efficiency. As a journalist and broadcaster working in the fashion industry for over 30 years, while raising a family, running a business and campaigning for a variety of women’s issues in my daily practice, I had not signed up for this chaos. I quickly became anxious about what each new day would hold.
Every woman’s experience of the menopause is different. It's a process of oestrogen and progesterone withdrawal and it will impact you in a unique way, because you are unique. Everyone I have spoken to laments the taboo nature of talking about what to expect, but perhaps we could all feel less ambivalent about the forthcoming rite of passage if we knew menopause delivers a mind-blowing mid-life recalibration – one with a valuable message of growth and expansion.
For me it started with Titanic sinking feelings, which amplified the tension and discomfort of unresolved problems in my life. I was working hard in a career I loved but one minute I’d be up, the next I’d be wearing a cement straight-jacket hurtling to the bottom of a murky abyss accompanied by the voice of condemnation. “You really are finished,” it would say.
Then there was the brain fug that convinced me I was going down with early dementia. Industry knowledge evaporated and I found myself unable to remember names, events and dates. My vocabulary shrank too. I would have to script myself to within an inch of my life to feign work-place competence. At home, both daughters would play ludicrous guessing games to get me to the end of my sentence and my youngest still reminds me of the day I forgot her name.
There were minimal physical affects however. I dutifully utilised insomnia to fit in extra work and I could tolerate the mild heat surges any day, but I know some women are driven to distraction by the intensity of night sweats and day-time hot flushes. I asked my mother and an older girl friend for insight. The words ‘Plain Sailing’ and ‘out the other side in no time,’ were bandied about. My GP said I sounded alright to her.
Meanwhile, I was medicating myself with generous amounts of Cabernet Sauvignon each evening. Anesthetising anxiety and panic attacks this way helped me limp on for a bit longer, clinging to the remnants of my previously ordered existence. Then I made an important decision. I stopped and stood still. “What do I need to understand?” I asked myself, having read enough to realise that female bodies are powerful intuitive barometers and mine was trying to tell me something. This is what I learned.
I routinely put others first which meant racing through my life over-achieving and under-prioritising me.
The voice was right: I was finished. But an ending of the way I had been living would be a very good thing. Since leaving Uni I had put in very long hours building a career. As a dedicated parent and partner, I routinely put others first which meant racing through my life over-achieving and under-prioritising me. Exhausted and running on empty, letting go of my expectations of me would be the first positive move.
In menopause our body roars. All these years it has put up and shut up and now will not tolerate abuse or disrespect any longer. This commotion is simply a demand by your newly awake self for quality not quantity, for re-evaluation and re-balancing. Perhaps (when your time comes) you plan to put your hands over your ears? Think again, there is nothing so primal and immediate as your body’s hormonal call to action.
I listened. I cut myself a break. As a result I’m no longer buckling under the stress of numerous projects running concurrently. I’ve made other changes too. I attend less time-wasting meetings, engage in much less unwaged work and collaborate more selectively. I’m thinking about the bigger picture as I celebrate my strengths and focus on the positives, while gracefully accepting my limitations... finally.
Now, for the first time, free of hands-on child-wrangling (the final child, birthed at 41, is 16) I’m in an intense relationship with myself. It’s a joy, as the voice inside me grows stronger and more enquiring of new perspectives. I have grown my hair and grown out my colour. Shedding old ways and reframing people’s perceptions of me, I left the People Pleaser behind. This has been an act of common sense.
“She’s let herself go.” A deliberately pejorative judgment reveals disapproval of maturing feminine appearance. The assertion that we could try harder to cling on to our youth supports every unrealistic beauty claim for anti-ageing balms and unguents and every marketing prompt for hair dye. I’m not buying it. Let’s get one thing straight: our gender has been groomed to self-objectify while beauty corporations grow rich and prosperous. In the process of consuming femininity as a set of unrealistic appearance goals, perhaps we have become blind to our internal exquisiteness and it’s time to open our eyes.
I love fashion and self-styling and I have great fun with my image, but I don’t play the patriarchal game of defining myself as decorative dressing in a man-made world. Maybe this has helped me to embrace the thrill and privilege of age with its intellectual and experiential gifts. I do believe that if we can stop focusing solely on exteriors and start embracing personhood, post-menopause becomes a position of status and composure.
For the record... We do not let ourselves go, just the flotsam and jetsam of an earlier existence.
For the record... We do not let ourselves go, just the flotsam and jetsam of an earlier existence. The mirror becomes less important in the most fundamental way with the realisation that age does not equal atrophy and that we are not diminished by the passing of years. Instead we are intensified, our force amplified and our knowledge expanded.
I’m not pretending life miraculously becomes uncomplicated and undemanding – challenges await every age and stage. Women, however, are great facilitators of others so in menopause we can and must reclaim our time and assets for ourselves. This is not selfish, this is smart.
The simple truth is that just like the adolescent surge of hormonal activity providing an exciting gateway to adult sexuality, menopause, (the process in reverse and in withdrawal) enables an additional and equally compelling portal into yet another selfhood. Step towards this doorway with confidence that once out the other side you will be renewed. Unlike me, you might prepare yourself mentally and physically beforehand by choosing less stress, more sleep, a healthy diet and supportive friends. You are not powerless, when you choose to surrender to something bigger than you. Treat yourself with kindness and tolerance as the bio-chemical make-up of your body re-arranges itself. It will be an education so expect enlightenment.
Post-menopause needs renaming and reclaiming for what it truly is, a magnificent time of curiosity, creativity and rank. It’s not surprising that some societies have been threatened by this natural female evolution to leader and mentor. In Pagan times of Goddess Worship, female tribal elders were respected and celebrated but with the introduction of Christianity came the brutal persecution of middle-aged women as witches and heretics. As feminist history explains, older women were simply channeling their menopausal force to intervene in an oppressive culture that undermined female wisdom and equality.
Hundreds of years later the quest for gender parity and fairness remains and growing old without self-reproach is one deliciously subversive act all women can embrace. Use everything the fashion and beauty worlds offer but bring these products into your life on your terms. There is no need for any woman to feel ambivalent, even fearful of ageing, in fact with the right physical and mental health supports, we can thrive. Having roused the ancient mystic, healer and tribal elder in me, I am on the journey towards Cronehood, and I love it.
Here are a few practical tips to get you through...
Getting physical and emotional support
Amendments made September 2018 with thanks to those who gave valuable feedback when this article was first published.
Treatments vary greatly and you need a practitioner who has good knowledge of the variety of symptoms you might be experiencing. Try your GP first to find out what they can offer. Not all HRT is standardised so ask for a leaflet from your GP surgery about HRT and Bio-identical/body – identical hormones. The two are separate and Bio hormones are not licensed for use in HRT however these can be followed up through private consultation if you feel this route has value. If you are not getting the help you need after making it clear to your GP that you are physically and/or emotionally challenged then ask for a referral to a specialist menopause clinic. There is a great deal of information to absorb and getting involved in your own journey is vital. This will often start with a blood test to check your existing hormone levels. If fatigue is something you also struggle with, ask for your thyroid to be checked at this time.
Simple things like magnesium supplements can act as nature’s calmer helping you to overcome the stress that causes insomnia and in turn impacts on your memory and sense being in control of your life, so it’s worth re-evaluating your nutrient intake as well as cutting down on sugars and carbs. I now take Vitamin B12 regularly for energy and positive mood.
Since menopause amplifies emotions, you will find unresolved issues become more urgent to look at. Be prepared to take responsibility for your own contribution to the areas in your life that aren’t working and be ready to act. While the NHS aims to offer counselling, the waiting lists vary greatly from area to area so you might consider seeking a counsellor privately to help you over this patch. Many have variable rates according to your earnings but always check testimonials of previous clients before making your decision. You may also choose to discuss the difficulties you are facing with those you trust in your current circle. Being honest about what I was experiencing was a big hurdle to overcome as I disliked confessing to anxiety, memory loss and emotional vulnerability but ultimately when I found a shoulder to lean on, I felt very grateful.
Reading
The Wisdom of Menopause By Dr. Christiane Northrup. This was my bible. Dr. Christine gives advice on every stage your body will go through and how to alleviate the many symptoms. She cites medical studies in support of your femininity, intuition and power that will thrill you while combining spiritual and personal stories of herself and other women to help you get to calmer waters.
The Crone – Women of Age, Wisdom and Power By Barbara G Walker, invaluable for your re-calibration - unlearn what you have learned.
Women’s History of the World By Rosalind Miles. Celebrate women and their amazing grit, determination and ingenuity.
Fitness
Now is the time to begin Yoga or some other regular and calming activity. 20 minutes most mornings will create a new and focus headspace as well as a supple and strong body and there are many YouTube tutorials for you to choose from.
Clothes and fashion
I love dressing up more than ever. Use your clothes as comfort blankets or as armour but pick out colours and shapes that make you feel a little stronger and safer during this time.
Beauty & Skincare
I like organic products like Weleda to keep my skin supple but I never buy expensive creams with unrealistic claims. Perfume (my current favourite is Atkinsons 24 Old Bond Street) gives me a true lift.
Hair
Yes I went grey and it’s not for everyone. I took quite a while to change over but because I wear scarves in my hair for certain jobs I could conceal the colour contrast more easily than some. I am also seeing more and more women stop dying their hair and wait patiently as the light strip at their roots grows wider and wider before they cut out the dyed ends and enjoy a new shorter style.
Talk
Explain to your loved ones that you are evolving. My daughters understand the changes that have taken place and I’m happy they are now better prepared for their eventual menopause than I was.
This week on Refinery29, we’re filling your screens and consciousness with inspiring women over 50. Why? Because living in a culture obsessed with youth is exhausting for everyone. Ageing is a privilege, not something to dread. Welcome to Life Begins At...
As with most industries, it seems like as soon as a woman hits 40, she's no longer deemed relevant to fashion. Clothes are no longer made for her, campaigns don't reflect her image, she is shut out of the conversation. Well, in the dominant narrative at least. Look a bit closer, though, and you'll see that the new floral Whistles dress looks as contemporary on you as it does your 60-year-old mum, and that Kitri's deconstructed shirt is as appropriate for the office as for your grandmother's Sunday get-up.
"One thing has become abundantly clear: the common wisdom on what is appropriate to do, say and wear over 40 is no longer relevant," fashion journalist and author Alyson Walsh told Refinery29. "Having rocked out to the Rolling Stones and pogo-ed to the Sex Pistols, baby boomers are never going to be told what we can and cannot do. We’ve grown up breaking and remaking the rules – gone are the days when hitting 50, 60, 70 or beyond meant conforming to a ubiquitous look. Looking good rather than looking young is the new mantra. It’s not about age, it’s about style."
One scroll through our Instagram feed and Walsh's words come alive – we're looking as much to women twice our age as we are to twentysomething influencers for styling tricks, body confidence advice, and shopping tips. Sure, you can adore Joan Didion in Céline's SS15 campaign, or admire Lauren Hutton on Bottega Veneta's SS17 catwalk, but it's time to follow the real women repping style through the ages; they have much to teach us.
Ahead, seven women talk personal style, confidence in ageing, and representation in the industry.
"At home, I’m casual - it’s jeans, T-shirts and sneakers when with my grandchildren. Add a sun hat and sunglasses when I walk my dog. For events and red carpets, it’s fabulous, with amazing glam teams. My inner style is comfort and basic.
"When I was a teenager in the 60s, I thought I had great taste. I would make my own bellbottoms and tent dresses. Although I've modelled since I was 15, I was a science nerd and concentrated on my degrees, and dietetics practice where I wore a suit every day. Now I wear designers mixed with less expensive items.
"I’ve become less confident in my personal style, as there are so many changes in fashion, textiles, shapes and colours. I’ve been dependent on my stylist, Julia Perry, for the past 26 years. She sorts out my wardrobe every six months, from casual wear to formal wear. She mixes and matches a lot of clothes and accessories, which don’t make sense to me. Creativity is not something you can learn, but I’m a good student.
"I don’t know what people’s attitude is about style and age, because everyone appreciates my style in posts on Instagram. I haven’t seen any negative comments. Women are beautiful at every age. Even though we are seeing more age diversity in fashion magazines, on the catwalk and beauty campaigns, more is needed."
"I like mixing high and low, vintage and contemporary. I'm inspired by art, photography and people on the street. I choose luxe fabrics and sophisticated prints and try to look like a lady of leisure – and try not to be one! I lay the foundation of a look by starting off with one piece, whether it's an awesome pair of shoes or a great blouse, then I make sure that everything is quiet and subtle around it; my centrepiece must speak for itself.
"My personal style hasn't changed a lot since my youth. I always had a penchant for elevated basics, power prints and, ultimately, my style is always harmonious with my mood. It is impossible to be stylish without confidence. When you are older, you know what to hide and what to show. It is far more important that you smell delicious! With ageing, beauty transforms; what's important is to have a good sense of humour.
"Currently, the fashion and blogger scene seems to be dominated by a younger crowd of women, but I’ve encountered inspiring ladies of all ages showing off their unique looks on Instagram. I follow what's happening with trends but I buy the piece that I covet because it makes me feel empowered. To be stylish you should have self-confidence. Being in my 50s does not mean I must have an old-fashioned and classic aesthetic. That’s why I want to use Instagram as a platform to express my personal style and to inspire women that no matter their age or their professional background, they also can do the same. No matter your age, feeling young is definitely a state of mind."
"Above all, I appreciate comfort, but I value timeless classics and the dynamics of the latest trends. I would say my style is a mix of classics with masculine elements, and freshened up by the latest trends. In retrospect, I think that fashion has been present in my life since I was a teenager. Back then my outfits were inspired by models from the pages of fashion magazines, and I went through a period of emphasising my femininity, wearing pastel colours and floral prints. However, this didn't last for long, and I changed it out for a more masculine style with more neutral colours.
"Now, after many years of experimenting with fashion, I think I've became more self-aware. I know what I like to wear, what makes me feel confident and comfortable, and what type of clothes look more flattering on me. I still have an appetite for fashion, and new trends that lead to new ideas when it comes to creating outfits and a fresh look at the classics.
"I think we live in a time when mature women are still professionally active, creative, inspiring and ambitious. Our style should mirror these qualities. We feel young and want to be attractive and fashion can help us to express ourselves. I would like people to be less surprised by the idea that mature women wear the same clothes as women who are in their 30s or 40s. I want to change the notion that older ladies aren't stylish enough to inspire others. I believe that age doesn't define a woman and I think that whether you are 50, 60 or 70, you can still have fun with fashion. Just look at Anna Dello Russo, Carine Roitfeld or Maye Musk. Mature women can be and often are authorities in many areas of life and I believe that there are no obstacles for them to also be authorities in the field of fashion."
"Within any context my style is ambiguous. In my dress I use cross-cultural and cross-gender references, transitioning between identities, specific looks, but with my own clarity. I use my clothing to question relationships between various identities, to play with expectations, context and rules. I dress for myself and myself alone. I use irony, excess, practicality, and confrontation in my dress.
"In the early 1970s, high street shops offered limited choice. I worked in the flea markets of London, where heirlooms from other lives and foreign lands became my obsession, my escape, and my new reality. As a teenager and into my early 20s I absorbed the hippy ethos of sustainability, using natural fibres and dyes, finding and working with scraps of fabric and clothing in the markets, reusing cast-off outfits. When punk burst onto the scene, the ethos and energy of the movement resonated deeply with me. However, I couldn't reject the hippy influence of my youth, nor the treasures found in the markets of London, but rather I combined these components to reflect the multifaceted young woman I was becoming.
"My style advice? Understand your body shape and work with that first and foremost. Find what works best for you, what you believe to be appropriate, and be confident and comfortable with your choices. Dress to reflect your mood, your attitude and how you feel you want to look to face the world each morning."
"I’d describe my personal style as a true reflection of who I am; a representation of a woman who does not easily tick boxes. I use clothes as part of an ownership of space and an unapologetic reflection of the unique individual I am.
"An individual’s style changes with the growth, maturity and confidence that comes along with one's experiences. Looking back, my style has probably taken on elements of androgyny, and is now in a space where I wear what I’m truly comfortable with regardless of what’s fashionable. It’s also focused more on my accessories and how that changes an outfit. When I was younger it probably reflected the fashion zeitgeist, but I always added my unique twist to it.
"It seems like a natural progression for style to change as one’s growth is chartered positively, body confidence is nurtured and one assertively uses clothes to state this very issue. Style and age are often never seen as equivalent. But there are enough women who prove that we are not to be boxed in by age.
"My pet peeve is the advice for dressing for particular ages. I wear what I like. If I like something a 20-year-old likes, so what? There’s no formula, no prescription any longer. Women look great at any age wearing what they feel comfortable and confident in. I share some of my wardrobe with my 20-year-old daughter and my 25-year-old son. So stop the admonishing of women who want to wear what they like."
"My style is experientially cinematic/ rockstar/ imp/ time-gender-adventurer. It's less about the look than it is about the feeling or the script unfolding between me, my clothing, and the environment, based on what I'm wearing. I've always been unconsciously bold in my personality and style, and took my presence for granted – until my late 40s.
"That's when I noticed that people started looking right through me when I went out, like they were wearing silly invisible glasses that you'd buy from the back of a comic book, except this wasn't funny. My push-back was bold, swift, uncompromising, and came directly from my wardrobe. This was the first time I seriously explored the power of clothing to transform the world around me and myself. I am now more open than ever to the limitless possibilities of an overstuffed closet. Also, if Mick Jagger can still be a rockstar at 74, so can I."
"I have a high-low, pick-and-mix approach to dressing and like to blend unexpected pieces together – masculine and feminine, smart and sporty, day and evening wear. Easy-to-wear essentials form the basis of the look and then I crank up the glamour with a pair of chandelier earrings, showbiz boots (velvet, snakeskin, white leather) or a kickass jacket. The aim is to look modern and chic – without looking like I’ve tried too hard.
"Style is undoubtedly a work in progress and I am more self-assured now than when I was younger (but, largely, this comes down to having more important things to worry about than crimping my hair). I’ve always been a bit of a tomboy – it’s just that now that I’m 54, I call it 'gentlewoman style' and throw a bit more money at it. In my youth I had a very experimental approach to style: army surplus, punk jumpers with holes in, DIY haircuts, my dad’s old shirts. And have found that there are certain items I’ve stuck with (I still live in jeans and trainers) and certain items I’ve revisited (the jumpsuit, Levi’s 501s). Needless to say there have been enough questionable incarnations over the years to allow me to know what works, and what doesn’t.
"I’d say that I’m more stylish now than I’ve ever been. When we’re young, we tend to worry unnecessarily about appearance, ability, everything – and as we get older, we learn to put things into perspective. The most important thing is to feel comfortable, at ease and feel like yourself. I do feel like I’ve found my style groove, thanks to some excellent advice I’ve picked up along the way from some of the world’s most stylish women, like Caroline Issa, Iris Apfel, Linda Rodin, Lucinda Chambers.
"I started That's Not My Age 10 years ago because I felt that women over 40 were being ignored by the fashion industry. Things have slowly changed and so a decade later, we are seeing older models in ad campaigns and have reached a position where industry influencers are telling brands what they want (not the other way around). Social media has had a massive influence on diversity and the increased visibility of older women. But there is still a way to go. Brands use a grey-haired, 70-year-old model and think they’ve ticked the ‘age box’ but there are many different ways of ageing – many different decades, body shapes, ethnicities, sizes. Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing all these wonderful older models, I would just like to see more diversity, a more nuanced version of ageing."
"I would describe my style as classic with a twist. I always wear a hat, which is usually the starting point of my ensemble. I have an extensive vintage collection, which I love to combine with modern pieces. They're usually discovered at estate sales, thrift shops and consignment stores. I also love to support artists who create wearable art. Sustainability is important to me. I will be 75 years old this week and I become more excited and experimental about style and self-expression as the weeks, months and years unfold. I have been interested in composing ensembles for as long as I can remember.
"I spent most of my career working as a master’s-level psychiatric nurse in an emergency setting. Choosing my outfits, which always included headwear, was a way to express myself creatively and as a form of meditation as I approached my day, which usually included extreme and painful stories told by interesting, traumatised people. Because of my love for style and headwear I co-owned a hat shop in the '80s and sold vintage clothing in an antique mall in the '90s.
"Since I began blogging as Style Crone in 2010, I have become more confident and curious in my personal style. It’s fun to push my own boundaries and take risks. With the blog, books and documentary by the visionary Ari Seth Cohen of Advanced Style, a movement has evolved which is changing the perception of older people in our culture. As part of this movement, I believe that it is important to be visible and to participate in age pride – to have a purpose and to represent.
"Style and creativity contribute to my self-acceptance and to viewing the ageing process as positive and life-affirming. I make my own style rules and I wear what I love. This in turn contributes to my health and quality of life. I would like people to look forward to ageing as a positive era of life and not fear the years as they transpire. I would like older people to be valued, with full participation and inclusion in all segments of society. We have much to contribute. This revolutionary approach to ageing would allow for the concept that the skin of an 80-year-old woman be viewed as beautiful as the skin of a 20-year-old woman, just different. When that occurs, we will know that ageism has been defeated."
From stained glass hair to gemlights, there are heaps of innovative hair colour trends popping up in salon and on Pinterest, but the popular balayage technique – painting or sweeping on colour for a soft, natural, sun-kissed finish – shows absolutely no sign of being overshadowed by them. On Instagram alone, there are over 14 million tags for the look (and counting).
Traditionally, the balayage method consists of light, freehand painting, often wrapping pieces of hair in strips of foil to lift the hair and encourage the colour to take, but according to Zoë Irwin, Wella Professionals UK Colour Trends Expert, there's a new, better skill on the horizon: balayage wrapping, and it'll provide you with a much more subtle, believable shade of blonde.
"Wrapping is a French balayage technique," Zoë told R29. "It still uses the freehand painting method – and it's a very specific one at that – but it also harnesses 'wraps' to make sure you get a lift." A handful of salons practising the clever new method use clingfilm, which definitely isn't a sustainable, environmentally friendly option, which is why many hair specialists in Paris are using eco-wraps or eco-plastic, according to Zoë. But it gets better. "Wrapping the hair in this way means it gets lighter, but the shade is much softer than if you were to use foils, which heat up and subsequently lighten, or lift the hair more," Zoë explained, resulting in a muted, modern blonde. "If you used foils your hair simply wouldn't look as natural as it does with a classic balayage technique like this," continued Zoë. "The French also dye wide sections, so we wrap larger locks of hair and mix them with smaller sections of hair, which we call baby balayage or babylights. The new technique also means that any colour won’t transfer onto parts of the hair you don’t want it to."
It's also better for the formula used. "To actually make sure the hair lightens, you have to stop the bleach from drying out, and the wrapping technique does this well, while using the natural heat from the hair to achieve a soft, subtle look," added Zoë. "This means you don’t need to use additional heat, which is what is usually applied with foil highlights to make the hair lighter." Regardless of the bleach used, less heat inevitably means a little less damage to your strands, making balayage wrapping a better option for over-processed hair prone to breakage and brittleness. But you'll still need to consider aftercare.
"In terms of treatments and the overall condition of the hair, I’m a great believer in using products that respect the hair as much as possible to begin with, so I mix Wellaplex in with the product I'm using to lighten the hair," said Zoë. "This helps to give optimal lift and also helps to reconstruct inner hair bonds to make the hair stronger. I’m also a huge fan of Wella Professionals Koleston Perfect ME+, which has a brand new technology that means the more you colour the hair with the product, the less damage there is. I do also think you need to use conditioning products and treatments, because in the long term, that is what gives the hair glow, shine and shimmer. In Paris they use colour glazes over the hair to keep it fresh, give it shine and to provide a colour boost. They sit on top of the hair and can be applied by your colourist in-between visits – for example when you have a blow-dry." R29 rates Bumble and Bumble's Color Gloss, £26, as a DIY treatment you can apply to coloured hair at home.
"There are also lots of great conditioning treatments that you can use at home," says Zoë. R29's fashion and beauty writer Georgia Murray recommends BLEACH London's Reincarnation Mask, £6, while Zoë rates the INVIGO Nutri-Enrich Warming Express Mask, £14. "It's an ultra-nourishing, self-warming treatment that delivers brilliant shine and softness to dry, damaged and stressed hair for improved health and vitality."
But back to balayage wrapping: where is best to get it done in the UK? "I offer the technique at Taylor Taylor at Liberty, while balayage expert Jack Howard currently offers this specific hand-painting and wrapping method at Paul Edmonds," concludes Zoë. "But we will start to see this spreading around the country, and even around the world, as more and more people specialise in balayage." And be sure to ask your chosen salon about using eco-wraps, to help save the planet and your hair simultaneously.
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This week on Refinery29, we’re filling your screens and consciousness with inspiring women over 50. Why? Because living in a culture obsessed with youth is exhausting for everyone. Ageing is a privilege, not something to dread. Welcome to Life Begins At...
Women who age under the scrutiny of the public eye are faced with two options: grow old gracefully (and by that, I obviously mean age like Jennifer Lopez or Cindy Crawford and don’t age at all) or shuffle off into obscurity. If you deviate from this playbook, you'll be tried in the court of public opinion, presided over by the right dis honourable Mail Online. Because sadly, many of us aren't especially kind when it comes to critiquing female celebrities who've passed the age of oh, 35.
Just ask Sarah Jessica Parker. Her Met Gala look earlier this year gathered a lot of attention and not just because of her cathedral-inspired gown or the gilded nativity scene balancing precariously on top of her head. If the comments sections of various news outlets are to be believed, the most daring part of SJP's epic ensemble was the fact that she hadn’t attempted to disguise any evidence of age on her 53-year-old face. "If she hasn’t had any cosmetic work done before then she certainly needs it now," was just one of many, many disparaging Facebook comments; another read: "When did SJP turn 900?" We wouldn’t freely judge other perceived physical imperfections so cruelly, so why is ageing considered fair game?
Growing old in the public eye is an impossible double standard. Unless you’re blessed with J.Lo’s genes (seriously, how?), you can either embrace the inevitable wrinkles and grey hair that come with growing older or attempt to hold back the hands of time through artificial means – à la Meg Ryan and Renee Zellweger – and be ridiculed for it. The day after the 2016 Orlando massacre – in which 49 people were murdered, making it one of the deadliest mass shootings in US history – Ryan's face was the highest trending topic on Facebook, with pleas for her to 'age gracefully' echoing from all corners of the internet.
Of course, we can’t talk about women being persecuted in the press on account of their age without mentioning Madonna. At 59, her refusal to adhere to society’s view of how a woman of her age should behave incites anger and repulsion (Piers Morgan pretended to vomit into a bucket following her 2016 appearance on Carpool Karaoke). Through the clothes she wears, the surgery she has and the men she dates, Madonna brazenly rejects the behaviour deemed appropriate for a woman approaching 60 – and it seems to really piss us off.
"What I am going through now is ageism, with people putting me down or giving me a hard time because I date younger men or do things that are considered to be only the domain of younger women," Madonna told The Cut in April. "I mean, who made those rules? Who says?"
"Madonna’s overt sexuality has always angered some people, but now that she’s close to 60, it alarms people even more," agrees Dr. Carolyn Adams-Price, a professor at Mississippi State University with a special interest in the psychology of ageing. But what is it about her behaviour that people apparently find so unpalatable? "I’ll give you a personal example – when I told my students that most married couples in their 60s have sex at least once a month (which is true), it shocked them more than about anything else I have ever said."
Perhaps, then, the issue we have with women who commit the cardinal sin of ageing in the public eye is to do with sex (Amy Schumer took a swipe at this double standard in her 2015 Inside Amy Schumer skit, "Last F**kable Day "). But – shocker – of course older women and men do like to have sex outside of their fertile years and last time we checked, no one loses it at the likes of Brad Pitt (54), George Clooney (57) or 66-year-old Liam Neeson playing a romantic lead.
"Some evolutionary psychologists argue that men are wired to find women most attractive during their peak fertility years," explains Dr. Adams-Price. "We do see that the older men get, the more they prefer women younger than they are." Gross. Apparently, whether or not women prefer men decades their senior, however, is inconsequential – the glaring age disparity between male and female actors is a time-honoured Hollywood tradition. Remember when Maggie Gyllenhaal was told at 37 she was too old to play the love interest of a 55-year-old man?
Actresses are considered to reach their professional peak in their 20s, and statistics show that the roles start drying up for women after they reach 30, while the big 4-0 is when their acting opportunities dramatically drop off by around two-thirds. Meanwhile, their male counterparts still have access to 80% of leading roles – as evidenced by 56-year-old Tom Cruise’s career. Continuing a troubling trend for the actor and his much younger love interests, his onscreen wife in the 2017 film American Made is played by Sarah Wright, an actress more than two decades his junior. Evidently, we’re happy for our leading men to grow older, but their love interests can’t.
Of course, the underlying reason in all of this is that the film industry is still dominated by men (of the 250 top-grossing US films released last year, women made up just 18% of all directors, writers, producers, executive producers, editors and cinematographers). But things are changing; women over the age of 40 are proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have stories to tell. At this year’s Academy Awards, all the Best Supporting Actress nominees were over the age of 40, as well as three of the five given the nod for Best Actress (Allison Janney won Best Supporting Actress at age 58 for her role in I, Tonya, while 60-year-old Frances McDormand walked away with the Best Actress gong for her performance in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri).
This subtle shift in the way we view a demographic that is paradoxically ridiculed and rendered invisible mirrors that of the beauty industry, which appears to be taking small steps towards greater age-inclusivity, thanks to the emergence of older brand ambassadors, such as Helen Mirren and Charlotte Rampling, and rejection of the term 'anti-ageing'. Hopefully this means that when we implore women to embrace their age, one day we'll actually mean it.
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This week on Refinery29, we’re filling your screens and consciousness with inspiring women over 50. Why? Because living in a culture obsessed with youth is exhausting for everyone. Ageing is a privilege, not something to dread. Welcome to Life Begins At...
Life is longer and the way we work is changing every day, but do we still have outdated ideas when it comes to ageing in the workplace? These five inspiring, successful women have navigated the male-dominated city in the 1980s, started their own businesses or embarked upon enterprises that may just change the world. They explain why getting older means ditching imposter syndrome, gaining confidence and learning from the life lessons a long career gives you. Retirement? Think again.
Moky Makura (51) is currently communications director for the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation and is based in South Africa. Of Nigerian descent and raised in London, she has forged a vastly successful and varied career in Africa from starting her own PR agency, creating and producing hugely popular TV shows and working as a news anchor to working as an actress and writer.
What lessons did you learn at the start of your career? I was first in media sales in London, which I would always recommend as a great start to someone’s career. It’s high pressure and you learn so many skills. What it teaches you is that so much of your life in business is going to be pitching, even yourself – and that is the art of selling! If you master the art of selling, you are set up for whatever career you want to do. One of the best sales skills is also that you listen to the person you’re selling to, and it forces you to fake confidence when you sell and to take control of conversations, which sets you up really well.
What led you to set up your first company? Shortly after my first job in Johannesburg I took another one in Cape Town. That job monumentally messed up my work permit so I was suddenly unemployed in Cape Town. I put all the things I owned in the back of the car and drove 13 hours back to Johannesburg. I thought, I don’t want anyone else to be responsible for my life again. On that car journey, I came up with the idea for my agency. I had everything – company name, the idea, all of it. I got back to Johannesburg and set to work on it. I wanted the first pan-African PR agency. It came out of a sense of burning injustice and anger but I’m so happy it happened!
You have worked across so many different industries, what have you learned from that? That I love working for myself! It was such an amazing time working on all these projects, because I would wake up and think, I want to do this, and I would do it! I would make things happen. I was also working flexibly which worked out so well because I had young kids at the time.
Has your work style developed over the years? Oh gosh, absolutely. I liked to work fast and I think that is a symptom of having worked for myself for so long. Over time though, I learned that speed is not the objective. Understanding and navigating your environment is key. I used to care more about the outcome but now I’m like, well, the outcome is important but let’s not stress too much about it, and let’s all get along while we do it. I used to just highlight the negatives when I would review my employees' work, but now I am very careful about focusing on the positives. My language and stance has changed. I have had to grow into my management style in all my different careers.
Have you ever faced age discrimination? I haven’t faced it myself but I interviewed a particular person once who said that their organisation wouldn’t hire anybody over 40 because they were a tech company and they just didn’t think anyone over that age would understand the environment. I remember being quite offended by that. I think it can be really easy to get worried about ageing – especially when you think you might not understand social media or the way the industry is changing. But it’s important to remember that your core skill set doesn’t change, even if the medium does; Instagram is just another platform for communication and I am good at communications, that understanding is still there.
What’s the best thing about being over 50 in the workplace? The thing I am enjoying more now is I have found the off button on my emails! I am much better at switching off now. I think I have achieved a lot of what I wanted to, so something I love about this stage of my life is that I don’t have to prove myself anymore. There is a natural contentment with where I am, and that comes with age and time. A piece of advice a boss gave me once, which really resonated with me, was: You’d be amazed at what you can do when you don’t have an ego. I really live by that more now today.
Sarah Driver grew up on a tea plantation in Hong Kong, and has worked as a solicitor in the city, an Open University law lecturer, a professional mediator and teacher. She is the founder and head of strategy for educational charity Driver Youth Trust and also runs the Rathfinny Wine Estate in Sussex with her husband Mark.
What was it like as a female solicitor in the city in the 1980s? If I’m honest, I really liked the respect it gave me as a woman. If you said you were a lawyer, people immediately took you more seriously. It shouldn’t have been that way but it was. Yes there was a level of sexism, definitely, that existed on an everyday basis that certainly would not have been acceptable today. I never experienced anything major myself, but when I worked in Hong Kong, the guys on my team would go out for lunch at places where women were not allowed.
How have you seen what it means to be a working mother change over your lifetime? In the city, when I was talking about having children and was raising the idea of bringing them to work and having a crèche – that was a no go. Then, when I had children and wanted to go part-time, that was a complete no go. There were no part-time positions. I actually had a female partner at the time say to me, "I never saw my children when they were growing up, I don’t see why you should." I went back to work when my first child was six weeks old and there was ultimately no way that lifestyle was going to be conducive to having a family. I would have loved to have been able to carry on with my work but I don’t think you can have everything. A lot has changed now. But I think what still has to change is the respect for those women who do take time off to be a mother. Ignoring someone’s merit once they become a parent is really damaging, because that’s the narrative that we are teaching our sons, and they will never be able to leave work to care for children if society does not respect anyone who does that.
You’ve had a very varied career; what have all your different roles taught you? I stopped being a solicitor in the city just before I was 30. I had two small babies and I immediately started [lecturing] at an Open University so that I could keep my mind going and so that I could have something for me. It was such a good experience and all the jobs I had kept me engaged and active and challenged but also allowed me to balance looking after my children. What I took from all of this is that if you follow your instincts, everything you do is of use and informs your life.
Do you think we get better at empathy and understanding as we get older? Yes, although I sort of think I have become a grumpy old lady! I do think certainly you become more empathetic and one of the things I say to people I work with is, "Stand in their shoes and just think about it." But while you develop empathy, I think you also can harden up a bit and see things in a clearer way. You learn from experience so you feel more sure about things, you learn to trust your instincts.
Has your managerial style shifted as you’ve got older? I actually think it has, even just in the time I have been at Rathfinny. If you run your own business and you want something to be done a certain way, I have learned you either have to do it yourself or trust someone to do it. If you do hand it over to someone, you cannot complain about how it is done. I am better at being a big picture thinker now and I think stepping back and seeing that is definitely something that comes with age.
What advice would you give to young women in the workplace? My advice would be to have confidence in yourself, because you are better than you think you are. Never be afraid to ask questions. Be kind, both to yourself and other people. Listen more – I think I still need to do that more. Really stand in other people’s shoes, always do as many things as you can as you will learn from them all. If you slow down a bit and pause, you can actually achieve a lot more.
Do you think you will ever retire? I may retire from full-time work but I can’t think I would ever stop being curious and doing things that interest me.
Linda Morey-Burrows is in her early 50s and is the founder and principal director at MoreySmith, the hugely successful interior design and architectural practice she founded as the culmination of a distinguished 31-year career in the industry.
How does it feel celebrating the 25th anniversary of a company you created? It is a bit surreal and cliché I know, but it really does seem like yesterday when I first launched the business! Although so much has happened these past 25 years, I still remember the moment I decided to go for it and the first few weeks running around a 2500-square-foot office with one phone, one PC, a personal assistant and a grad in Greencoat House, Victoria!
How do you feel your managerial style has shifted since you first started? I have always been impulsive, fast on my feet, a quick decision-maker, excellent at delegating, encouraging the very best in people, getting people to think BIG and to believe in themselves. This has helped me build an entrepreneurial-style business with everyone constantly feeling empowered. I’m still quite frugal but believe in constantly investing in technology, my team and the buildings we work in to try to make our work lives as good as possible.
Do you still get nervous at work? Not really for day-to-day work, but I can get nervous with public speaking. When I’m passionate about the topic or scheme it comes naturally, but it can also be intimidating.
What things bother you at work now that didn't when you were younger? And vice versa: is there anything you love more now? I think a messy and chaotic environment has always bothered me. I love a creative atmosphere as long as the space is orderly, clean and tidy. I do love having time to myself but this isn’t always possible, which is probably why I crave it. I’m a team player and I don’t like a quiet atmosphere. I always have music on around me at home and work, and love to be surrounded by people. I sit in the open studio with my team – I would hate to be in an office – but I sometimes have to take myself off to think – to a buzzy place, like a café, or simply for a walk to clear my head and get inspired. When I was younger I always worried that I looked too young and people didn’t take me seriously, so I dressed quite seriously and maybe a bit older. Now I’m totally the opposite!
In what ways do you think your age and experience is your greatest asset in your job? You never ever stop learning. I still absolutely love what I do, and I get energy from meeting interesting people from all walks of life. I am often meeting with successful CEOs or entrepreneurs, and I love the dynamic of my day, dealing with a creative head of a brand to a CEO or a FTSE 100 executive – I think this is where experience can be my greatest asset. My clients trust my decision and advice, so if I suggest a radical scheme or refurbishment/redevelopment, my years of experience and success gives my team and clients the confidence that perhaps a younger and less experienced designer or architect wouldn’t have.
What advice would you give your younger self? I would recommend taking less on, but I am not sure I would have had the same success if I had listened to my older self. Starting up a business and having three young children in the first five years was always going to be hectic! I wouldn’t give anything up as it has made me a more balanced person in the end.
What are the greatest lessons you think you have learned in your career? Life is unpredictable, listen to your heart as well as your head and only work with people you like, respect and collaborate with the best.
Andrea Leadsom MP (55) is the Leader of the House of Commons and is only the third woman to have held this position. She previously had a diverse and successful career in the financial sector. She will be co-hosting the Women MPs of the World Conference on 8th November with Harriet Harman and Penny Mordaunt.
After 25 years in finance, what made you finally make that jump into politics? Well I actually decided I was going to be an MP when I was 13! I was terrified at the prospect of a nuclear holocaust and I just wanted to make the world a better place. Over the years, the definition of what that means has changed. As I got older it became, "let’s have a sensible economy that rewards effort". I didn’t go into politics concerned with representation but it’s something I am very passionate about now. I am completely committed to fairness and I have now lived through enough unfairness to see how much it matters to our society that women have their voices heard and are represented at all levels of our economy and our society.
Do you approach work differently now than when you were younger? What comes with years of experience is that you realise everything that happens has very serious consequences and when you’re older you are always trying to think through those consequences. You think things through more, you see the strategy, but you’re also responsible for it. I do feel my work/life balance is better now. If I have a long working night ahead of me, I am now more likely to take that home with me and do it with a glass of wine and spend time with my husband! I don’t feel like I have to put in the face-time as much now, just for the sake of it. That sense of clock-watching and face-time changes.
We’re all living longer – are we redefining what ageing means? I think we have changed our views and I think we need to continue to challenge ourselves on that too. The stages of life we associate with different ages just aren’t as true anymore, especially for women. We as politicians need to facilitate that too. When you are in your 60s and 70s you may want to keep working but take on a completely different career. You still have a huge amount to give at that age, especially the wealth of your experience. Life really does stretch out and people’s ability to keep contributing and keep learning new things is really extended.
What would your advice be for younger women, particularly women looking to get into public office? I really do urge all young women to engage in political discourse. Too often people think that politics isn’t of interest to them, but of course everything is political! I would advise women to vote above all, to engage with online petitions and reach out to a political party or local council or MP to get involved.
Is age actually your greatest asset? As I’ve got older I feel that age is just no barrier at all. I definitely don’t feel any different but I feel what age gives you is a confidence and a sense of comfort with yourself and what you think and who you are. I don’t feel any less determined or ambitious and I look at older women who are role models to me and they redefine themselves every few years. If you are 25, you should be thinking, well I have at least five careers ahead of me! I think 55 is an extraordinary time. You have the kind of confidence whereby you feel you don’t need to prove anything. It’s a fantastic age, I recommend it.
Carmel McConnell MBE is in her mid 50s and was an anti-nuclear activist before going on to found her own technology consultancy. She is the founder of Magic Breakfast, an organisation committed to getting impoverished children in the UK a healthy breakfast every morning. For her charitable work she has received an MBE and was the recipient of the 2018 Women of the Year Campaigner Award.
How did you get your start in business? Being an activist and finding that so powerful – because we did stop the nuclear missiles we were protesting – really inspired me. But going from being an activist to a secretary at BT was a huge adjustment. Suddenly your main job for the day is making tea for four men! I had a great boss who encouraged me to do my master's in broadband technology. With this combination of technology and activism background, the question became: How do we build a society where technology is able to do all these amazing things for us but you’ve got values and morality at the core of it. How do you integrate them? So I started my own business, advising companies on how to use technology in this way, how to be leaders in tech, but use it with values! There’s no point creating a financial juggernaut of technology if it’s not going to benefit everyone.
How did you end up creating Magic Breakfast? I got the chance to write a book about my career journey and the power of activism and change back in 2001. Doing the research for that I interviewed a range of people, including five headteachers in Hackney. They all said that they were bringing in food every day because the kids were hungry. It stopped me dead in my tracks. It was such a shock. They were explaining that kids were going in the bins at Tesco to get food. I just couldn’t believe this was happening in this day and age. I didn’t know anything about nutrition at this stage, I just wanted to help. Within a month of setting it up I had 25 schools in Islington, Hackney and Tower Hamlets. This morning we fed 40,000 children in over 500 schools, but there are still over half a million children that woke up this morning in a home without food. The Child Poverty Action Group says that for every class of 30, there are nine kids in poverty, and six of those nine are in working families. Even if you are working your guts out, you still cannot feed your family.
You’ve made a career of giving out great advice, through your books, and also to major FTSE 100 companies. How has the advice you give to those companies changed over your life? I think, because of the power of the millennial, over my life I have seen people now saying that you have to take the social purpose of business seriously. It was the case when I started, that people would say, "Oh but that’s just hippy – businesses are here to make money. Business is not about making a better world." The main change I have seen is more and more companies are now receptive to talking about purpose and corporate responsibility and philanthropy.
How has your work style changed as you’ve gotten older? I love writing and speaking and engaging with people but when it comes to putting together budgets and plans and things like that, I’ve learned to delegate that to people who are better. I have learned to both prioritise stuff and also give more time to things that need more time. I never used to do that, and now I do things before they are needed. Running the firm, I had to learn to be pretty organised, but my natural instinct is not! My list of things to do often just gets added to every day of the week – but one of the things I talked about a lot in my books is becoming friends with your big fat failure. It is a normal part of all of this, because while you are trying and failing, you’re going to fall on your arse a lot! It doesn’t matter.
Do you still get nervous at work? Yeah of course! I think I have become more relaxed as I’ve got older but there are also things that make me feel far more nervous now. I gave a speech in the City today and I was very nervous! I was outside thinking to myself, Please don’t be an idiot. I think nerves are part of the deal though – I think it shows I still care. But a few years ago I had cancer and that made me properly, horribly nervous. I am so lucky to still be here, so it really puts things into perspective. It was a big wake-up call.
What would your advice be for your younger self? I think it would be: Do more of what makes you happy. I think I would advise my younger self to be less hard on myself. I would try and give myself the confidence that comes with knowing that it will all be okay.
Do you feel that age is an asset? I think being taken seriously because of your age and experience is something I now like about getting older. You also start to understand that you have power. I just had no idea that it was possible to bring about social change when I was younger, and I do now.
I am older but I don’t feel old. I don’t have any sense of what being old should be. I should probably be a bit more grown-up by now? But I’m just finding out things about myself now, in my 50s, like I’m going to try and do a marathon! I have always assumed we would be in gradual decline, but now I’m thinking it’s more like gradual increase. Every single year it should be: "Okay, what haven’t I tried yet?"
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This week on Refinery29, we’re filling your screens and consciousness with inspiring women over 50. Why? Because living in a culture obsessed with youth is exhausting for everyone. Ageing is a privilege, not something to dread. From compassionate careers advice (like, there’s more than enough time to try something new and fail, then try something else) to sex and dating tips from a formidable divorcée whose 28-year marriage ended after a knock at the door, these women have lived through all the things you worry about – and emerged stronger, funnier and more at peace. From the joys of over-60 gap years, to embracing your inner style diva at 78, to having the confidence to say exactly what you want to Benedict Cumberbatch at the opportune moment, life 'over the hill' can be a ball.
The women in this series, titled 'Life Begins At...', put two fingers up to stereotypes and ageism. But sadly, not all women in this age group feel this empowered. Ageism is prevalent in our society – from the workplace to Hollywood to beauty ideals. A 2014 survey of 2,000 women found that more than half of women over 50 had been made to feel "invisible", "left on the shelf" and "judged negatively because of their age". Just 15% of those women said they had a high level of confidence.
In episode three of the award-winning Netflix show Grace & Frankie, the two main characters (women in their early 70s) are trying to buy cigarettes in a supermarket. Completely ignored by the male staff who prioritise serving a young blonde woman, after eight loud "excuse mes", Grace, played by Jane Fonda, starts screaming: "Do you not see me? Do I not exist? Do you think it’s alright to ignore us?" The pair walk out, with Grace telling her friend, "I refuse to be irrelevant", while the friend reveals she has shoplifted the pack of cigarettes. "We have a superpower!" she says. "If you can’t see me, you can’t stop me!"
I witnessed a similar incident a few years ago, sat next to a woman of about 70 on a long-haul flight. The audio on her TV screen wasn’t working. We tried various things and different headphones but there was clearly a fault with the system. She kept pushing the help button but no one came. She said "excuse me" to various air stewards several times, finally saying more loudly "Am I invisible?" before they acknowledged her. One of them said they’d look into it, never to be seen again. She gave up and proceeded to watch Minions, a favourite film of her granddaughter’s, with no sound because the story was easy to follow.
At 53, the actor Kristin Scott Thomas summarised this feeling in an interview with a young journalist at Cannes, saying: "I’m not talking about in a private setting, at a dinner party or anything. But when you’re walking down the street, you get bumped into, people slam doors in your face – they just don’t notice you. It’s a cliché but men grow in gravitas as they get older, while women just disappear."
The aforementioned woman who slighted Benedict Cumberbatch is Rahila Gupta, a journalist and activist in her early 60s who points out in her feature that now is the time to fight for the rights you want in later life – when you’re young enough to be listened to. Don't just sit back and bask in the privileges of youth.
As highlighted by a 2013 survey titled Boomer Women: The Invisible Goldmine, baby boomer women (mid 50s to mid 70s) are the demographic spending the most money on consumer products, yet 53% of the women they spoke to said they felt ignored by advertising and marketing.
Granted, since that survey we’ve seen glimpses of progress with a handful of luxury fashion houses featuring older women in their campaigns; Charlotte Rampling modelled for a NARS lipstick campaign in 2014 aged 68, Joan Didion posed for Céline in 2015 aged 80, and Joni Mitchell starred in a Saint Laurent ad aged 71. But these were one-offs – major diversions from the type of imagery the brands usually put out. It shouldn’t have been, but the sight of an older woman looking cool as fuck in an advert for an expensive clothing brand was a shock to the system; it made headline news. That photo of Joan Didion in oversized Céline sunglasses and a chic black crew neck made me feel excited about fashion, and I’m 31.
Somewhere between the campaigns plastered all over the city and the internet featuring 17-year-old model daughters of supermodel mothers, and the streams of 25-year-olds living their best lives on my Instagram Explore page, I’ve stopped relating – let alone aspiring – to the images around me. I'm only 31, and I already feel aged out of things, already feel 'older', less desirable, past my prime, worrying about my face looking drawn and observing each new grey hair like a curse. Friends younger than me are getting Botox; others started lying about their age at 28. But what, or who, are we getting too old for?
Guardian columnist Suzanne Moore, 60, observed: "When I look around a newspaper office, I am usually the oldest woman there. With a few honourable exceptions, the media likes young blood, fresh meat and people who do as they are told." Hearing this as a young woman in the media is terrifying. It makes me worry about my future and my currency in this industry past 50. Indeed, there are only a handful of powerful women editors that I aspire to, and they’re all in their mid-to-late 40s: our global editor-in-chief Christene Barberich, Gentlewoman editor Penny Martin, Guardian editor Katharine Viner, The Pool co-founder Sam Baker… then I start drawing a blank.
I don’t want to feel invisible when I’m 50 – at work, in the street, on aeroplanes. I want to be at my most stylish, my most confident, my most powerful and desirable. I want to look forward to those years, not spend lots of money and emotional energy trying to stave them off. So how to prepare? Well, first, I think, by finding role models like the women featured in this series who are smashing glass ceilings of gender, age and race to achieve incredible things. Like Carmel McConnell MBE – a woman in her mid 50s who started the children’s charity Magic Breakfast and this year won the Women of the Year Campaigner Award. Carmel told Refinery29: "I am older but I don’t feel old. I don’t have any sense of what being old should be. I’m just finding out things about myself now, in my 50s, like I’m going to try and do a marathon! I have always assumed we would be in gradual decline, but now I’m thinking it’s more like gradual increase."
In her acceptance speech for the #SeeHer Award at the Critics' Choice Awards in 2016 (a speech which, frankly, should have won its own award), Viola Davis talked about letting go of expectations when she took on the role of Annalise Keating in How To Get Away With Murder: "I said oh god, I gotta lose weight. I gotta learn to walk like Kerry Washington in heels. I gotta lose my belly. And then I ask myself, well, why do I have to do all of that? I truly believe that the privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. And, I just recently embraced that at 51. I think my strongest power is that at 10 o'clock every Thursday night, I want you to come into my world. I'm not going to come into yours. You come into my world and you sit with me. My size. My hue. My age. And you sit. And you experience."
Let’s start working towards more narratives like this.
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This week on Refinery29, we’re filling your screens and consciousness with inspiring women over 50. Why? Because living in a culture obsessed with youth is exhausting for everyone. Ageing is a privilege, not something to dread. Welcome to Life Begins At...
I was my daughter’s plus one at a posh do at London's Savoy hotel when she was nominated for the Evening Standard 's most promising new playwright award in 2010. I still smoked in those days, mostly OPs (Other People’s cigarettes), so I snuck out with another young promising playwright at our table who had a packet of cigarettes on her.
In the small group of smokers that congregated outside, Benedict Cumberbatch, a friend of the promising playwright, appeared to be the only one in possession of a light. About six of us, poised with our cigarettes stylishly hovering by our mouths, waited our turn.
He lit five cigarettes but somehow missed mine. Benedict (breathing the same polluted air as him gives me the right to call him by his first name, or even Benny boy, I think) caught sight of me, still waiting, and muttered something like, "I didn’t realise you were waiting for a light". And quick as lightning, I went: "Did you think I was here for the company?"
If that had happened to me in my 20s, I would have fizzled out like a dud firecracker. But I was in my 50s and, at some subconscious level, I guess I didn’t care how I was perceived, although I am still taken aback by my brazenness when I reflect on it. Was it my race or age that had made me invisible? Race has always been my fallback explanation for rudeness from an interlocutor, however unfairly, but the idea of age was new. I realised that this invisibility gave me a new freedom.
It is a freedom that allows me to walk late at night without fear. This is not to suggest that older women are not the targets of sexual violence but there is a steep fall in male attention. It is truly liberating not having to worry about the footsteps echoing behind you. When an older man in the park stared lecherously and threw the phrase "Fifty Shades of Grey" at me, I was so surprised that I accidentally made eye contact with him, a response I had studiously avoided for years.
I used to buy meat from a halal butcher staffed by mainly young Pakistani men whose hormones could have fuelled a Harley-Davidson. Once when I asked them the Urdu word for kidneys, someone yelled out goliyan, the word for testicles, and everybody laughed. I actually knew what that word meant. I resolved never to go back. About 10 or so years later, when I was passing and needed meat, I thought I’d venture in again. The staff had changed and were very respectful. It was only when one of them addressed me as "aunty" that I realised I had crossed the Rubicon. They were all still clones of the men who had served me years ago. Only I had changed.
Another watershed was when I was invited to speak about black women's activism in the 1980s, particularly my involvement with Outwrite, an anti-racist, anti-imperialist, feminist newspaper, at an event celebrating the history of black feminism. My early life had become someone else’s history!
Being comfortable in your own skin is the biggest gift of the advancing years. We are all plagued by fears and uncertainties but they are aggravated by youth. Perhaps it is also gendered because many of the young men I knew came across as cocky and self-assured. If only I had taken these fears in hand, overcome them, opened doors and wandered into spaces, owned them and expanded them all those years ago, where might I have been now? What I didn’t realise then and see more clearly now is that there is a cult of youth in Western society – partly because of its relative scarcity – where people want your views, however inchoate, because they are gilded by youth. So young people should feel empowered by that knowledge.
I avoided public speaking for years, turning down invites with some excuse or another. I was afraid of coming across as inarticulate. I wanted to be Maya Angelou or Martin Luther King. At the very least I wanted my spoken self to be as polished as my written self. It was only when my first sole-authored book, Enslaved, on modern day slavery, was published in 2007 in my early 50s and there was no one else who could speak for the book, that I had to take the reins myself. On one occasion when I had left my speech at home, I was forced to speak off the cuff and discharged myself quite honourably. It was easier than I had imagined. A public space expanded and owned! Oh, the joy.
The other thing that happens as you get older is that your relationship with time changes. Time speeds up. I hold back the rush of years by marking each year with one significant event; it might be a performance of my work, a publication of a book, a birth or death of someone close. I also keep a list of all the books I have read and the films and plays I have watched each year as an aide-mémoire. Looking back, my life feels full and long and acquires definite contours rather than forming a soup of half-remembered ingredients.
You are also driven to be more productive as time’s wingèd chariot hurries ever nearer. When I was younger, time was an endless ocean on which I would drift. Now there is always one more article to write, one more to read; one more meeting to attend. I rarely stand and stare. Even when I’m relaxing I’m doing mental gymnastics, working away at a Sudoku or crossword.
And what about your relationship with people? In case you think that age mellows you, I have found the exact opposite to be true. I ended a couple of close friendships recently. I had known those friends so long that they were like family, but I could no longer ignore the unhealthy dynamics that had developed between us. The niceties of social life can go hang.
When they say "Life begins at..." I’m not sure it is about a particular age but rather a time when you can at last focus on yourself, free from cares and caring, and also have a little spare cash to splash about. For many women, that point might come quite late in life, if ever. With women having children later than ever and parents living longer than before, one form of caring can merge seamlessly into another. For life to truly begin, let’s say at 65, we can only hope that medicine and technology will keep pace.
I’ve also discovered that ageing is now frequently, and non-judgementally, referred to as "this stage in the life cycle". It makes us sound like butterflies. I can live with that.
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This week on Refinery29, we’re filling your screens and consciousness with inspiring women over 50. Why? Because living in a culture obsessed with youth is exhausting for everyone. Ageing is a privilege, not something to dread. Welcome to Life Begins At...
Meeting artist and writer Sue Kreitzman is one of the most joyful things you can do in life. Not only is her outfit guaranteed to be a riotous visual treat but her energy and lust for life is infectious. At 78 she’s busier than ever, curating exhibitions, making new pieces of art, and writing and designing her own iconic outfits. However, her life hasn’t always been this way.
Originally from New York, Sue lived in Atlanta, Georgia for 18 years before moving to London with her husband Steve and son Shawm. After years of teaching fourth grade, working as a chef, writing endless food articles and 27 cookery books, Sue was in her 50s when she experienced something close to a divine intervention. As she describes it: "Something switched. It was the menopause, a psychotic breakdown, or the muse literally bit me in the bum. I picked up a marker, drew a mermaid and from that point on I was an artist." From that unexpected pivot she has dedicated her life to creating and collecting art. Rather than furnishing her house in polite neutral tones, she has painted each room red and turned it into her own personal gallery showcasing her sculptures, paintings and personal art collection.
There’s a sign in Sue’s kitchen that reads: "Don’t wear beige, it could kill you." That one sign perfectly encapsulates Sue, her house and her outlook on life. Why wear beige when you can wear something bright and fun? Why be boring and stay in when you could go on a colour walk with your friends and brighten up the day of everyone you meet? Why obsess over staying young when you could grow old fabulously? Sue shares her wisdom with us on all of this and much more.
When you get up in the morning, how do you decide which fabulous outfit to put on?Is it your mood or where you're going?
Getting dressed in the morning is pure joy because it's colour, it's pattern, it really starts the day right. I remember where I got every piece of fabric, everything that's on each neck shrine I make and wear. I have very happy memories attached to everything I wear because I don’t shop in Bloomingdale's, I don't shop at Harrods, I don't do department stores. I buy right from the artist or I buy at small markets. The guy who does my stitching is just one little guy all by himself around the corner. This is the way I live and it gives me great pleasure in the morning to put those beliefs on my body. It's fabulous.
You’ve had many different careers in your life – you were a teacher, a chef, a food writer and you came to your art in your late 50s. People feel a lot of pressure now to have their career mapped out and to have made a name for themselves by the time they’re 25. What do you think about that?
I think it's ridiculous because life doesn't go that way. People say, "I have a five-year plan/I have a 10-year plan." Why? It's like putting yourself in prison. Life goes in very funny directions and you have to follow along with it. When I had my baby I thought I’d be going back into teaching but I met someone at a party who worked in publishing and loved my cooking, which led to a three-book deal. It’s not something I planned. I then ended up in London because my husband Steve got a call from Cambridge University about taking a job over here and it all just went crazy.
Do you think you can miss opportunities if you're too blinkered and you're too focused on a specific plan?
Yes. People are so stressed these days. You have to loosen up a little bit because sometimes a window that you didn't even know was there opens a little bit and you never know what's on the other side.
Where do you think that pressure comes from?
Well, people are desperate for security which, these days, is hard to come by. It used to be that if you had a job it could be a job for life. That's not true anymore. So, things change and you have to change with it.
You’ve been married to your husband Steve for over 50 years. What do you think makes a successful marriage or partnership?
Mutual respect and mutual affection. Things go wrong and there are aggravating times but you have to look at the bigger picture and not go around storming out and slamming the door after every disagreement. Hold on for a while, take a breath because you've invested so much in it. You have to realise that all the lovey-dovey true love is fun at the beginning, then something else develops – a deep affection, a deep respect and you share responsibilities. That's the most important thing, you share responsibilities for each other’s lives.
Do you think that side of love and relationships isn't talked enough about, meaning our expectations are very high when it comes to everlasting romance and sex?
Yes. It's not all about romance and sex. Believe me, that doesn't last. You’ve got to find a way to keep each other happy. You have to make sure it’s not just one-sided. You have to work out how to share your life together. Share the childcare, share the responsibility of earning money and understand that there will be lows and to ride them out with the highs.
You’ve got a great set-up between you and your husband. You’re together but he lives in Cambridge where he works and you live here in Bow, London. How does it work?
It's perfect. He is very obsessed with what he does and I am obsessed with what I do so this way we don't get in each other's hair. He doesn’t expect me to have dinner on the table for him every night and just stop whatever I'm doing because he’s home. He calls me every morning at eight o'clock and says, "Are you alive, can you move?"
That’s romance. It’s great, it must keep things fresh and interesting between you?
It does rekindle that little bit of romance because I get to miss him. I do talk to him on the phone several times a day but it's not the same so when we are together it's very nice. We spend weekends together and we have our holidays together. It wouldn’t work for everybody though, you have to find your own path.
How did motherhood change you?
First of all, I always loved kids so it was pure joy when I had my son Shawm. It's like having a tourist to the world, they know nothing so it's your job to teach them wonderful things. Teach them about the world around you and then eventually they will end up teaching you.
Another thing I say to young mothers is "This too will pass" and it will pass much quicker than you think. It might seem really hard right now but it's going to be over so quickly and then they're in school and then they're at university or working and you'll think back on those early years and how they went in a flash.
There's such an obsession with youth and staying young. What do you think about all of that?
I think you really have to embrace age. My mother died when she was in her very early 50s so I always think every day, every month, every year is a gift. Getting old is a privilege and an adventure and if you turn your back on that you're crazy. You're absolutely crazy.
What about trying to fight the ageing process and wanting to carry on looking young?
Putting yourself under the knife for cosmetic purposes is crazy and it's so obviously artificial. Your character is in your face, age is just as beautiful as youth, it's just different. You can't hold on to your youth or you end up looking like a fool and there are more things to think about. Keep your mind going if you possibly can. Stay active. I just don't get it, I really don't get it.
How do you think we can cultivate a better relationship with ourselves as we get older?
That's a hard question because some people will never be happy with themselves. The media is so concentrated on making women unhappy with themselves. We’re fed messages: "You're too fat. You're too thin. You're too hairy." They come up with something new and crazy and suddenly it becomes the norm, like bleaching your anus – that’s a thing that people do now.
I know, it’s pretty extreme!
Or you have to have plastic surgery on your vagina. You have to learn to ignore that. Don't let the media and popular opinion boss you around. Do what you think is right for you. Shave the bits you want to shave and leave the rest. Be a thinking, intelligent person. I sometimes think intelligence is vanishing from this world, I really do.
Things bother me less. I've never really been concerned about what people think, but I care even less so now. I like the way I look. It's interesting, it's me but a slightly different me. I think I was very lucky with my hair.
You've got great hair.
Yes, it's fantastic hair isn’t it?
How do you feel about your own ageing process?
I look in the mirror and I see an ageing old friend, which is fine. I think I'm ageing okay, I'm not too upset about it. Now we have lots of older role models, I try very hard to be an older role model. There are the idiosyncratic fashionistas in New York who are really good friends of mine. Ari Seth Cohen has put us in the zeitgeist with his Advanced Style blog and he has made everybody aware of how really beautiful old people are. We are. We're different but we're beautiful. I mean, look at Iris Apfel. She’s an old lady – a symphony of wrinkles – but she's gorgeous and everybody adores her. We have to look up to these icons who are teaching us how to live.
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