The baristas must be stopped. Carrot lattes are now a thing, and no, they're not a healthy way to get your morning caffeine fix. While you may assume that a carrot latte is some trendy veggie-flavoured concoction, that's not quite what's happening here. Instead, PopSugar reports that carrot lattes ("carrot-cinos," if you prefer) are actually just coffee placed inside of a hollowed out carrot. Instead of eating your root vegetables, you're just drinking out of one.
The idea comes from Locals Corner in Seaforth, Australia — but don't expect carrot lattes to eventually show up at your nearest Starbucks, or even be on the menu at Locals Corner itself. A photo of the creation showed up on the coffee shop's Facebook page, seemingly to troll all of their customers.
"How about carrot latte," the post read, followed by a winking emoji that is seemingly mocking everyone who prefers to drink out of a proper mug.
"Wow! So creative you guys! Keep re-inventing the wheel I say!!!," one fan wrote on the photo.
Okay, so the carrot latte isn't a real food trend — just an example of the shenanigans that the baristas at Locals Corner like to get into while they're pouring cappuccinos and espressos into regular ole cups. It's not the first shop to have tried a unique holder for their caffeinated beverage: You may remember that Melbourne's Truman Café invented the "avocado latte," much to the disdain of anyone who thinks avocados are ruining 20-somethings shots at ever getting into real estate.
In an interview with The Daily Mail, owner of Locals Corner, Vanja, clarified that these latte pics are all in good fun.
"We just like doing different things, we've being doing a few of these, one with an apple, one with an avocado, this week was a carrot and next week we will do something different."
That's all well and good, especially if it means I won't drip hot coffee down my shirt because I have to drink it out of an avocado.
No matter how much we tell ourselves that there’s no such thing as the perfect body or that we are in fact good enough, outside pressures to look a particular way are hard to shake. And ridding ourselves of that internal dialogue is no picnic. This is especially true when dating someone with a different body type.
If your partner’s endorphins are triggered by the sound of a juicer at 5 a.m. while yours are triggered by the single cup Keurig, it can feel like you’re inhabiting two different worlds. Not to mention, as many of us have learned the same lifestyle habits do not equal the same results.
Though one woman’s recent Instagram post is challenging that notion. Known as "Jazzy" on Instagram, the aspiring plus-size model, wife and mother posted a heartfelt photo of she and her hubby walking along the beach.
“Over the years this man has loved every curve, every roll, and every stretch mark on my body. I never understood why!” began the caption.
“How could he love something that isn't "perfect?" How could a man who was ‘born fit’ love someone like me! I don't have a flat stomach, I jiggle when I walk, hell if I run up the stairs to [ sic] fast my body claps (lmao)! But now I see I do have the ‘perfect’ body! Every roll, every curve and every stretch mark is put on me just perfect to make both of us happy!!! I love my body and I finally see why he does too!”
Cheryl Strayed’s Wild, in which a woman decides to walk the 4,265km-long Pacific Coastal Trail, might have inspired a new generation of women to tackle huge walks in a bid to find themselves, but one walker had already set out to do another, much longer, trek by the time Reese Witherspoon's film adaptation had hit the big screen.
Sarah Jackson had just finished her sociology degree when she embarked on one of the most gruelling anti-gap years imaginable: walking Canada's the Great Trail. Over 10,000km later, though, she’s smiling. Now, aged 24, she’s become the first woman to walk across Canada from coast to coast. (She still hasn’t read or seen Wild, though).
She often walked with a partner, and admits she took breaks to go home for Christmas, but has essentially spent two years living outdoors, out of a backpack, spending much of her time alone. Sarah explains what led her to it, what it feels like to finish, and how the walk has changed her.
In previous interviews you have said the walk just sort of “happened” and I just wanted to ask, how did you start doing the walk? I had been interested in the idea of a long trek for a really long time. My uncle and I hiked the Camino de Santiago when I was a little younger so it was something that I had wanted for a while. I looked into a couple of the long-distance hiking trails in the States but I was working in a hostel for a little bit and I realised I was more interested I think in staying in Canada because there's so much of the country that I didn't know. As soon as I stumbled across the trail I knew it was something I was interested in.
Then I was wrapping up school and had an opportunity to move back in with my parents and save some money. But at first I didn't know I'd do the whole thing. I thought I'd do a section of it and see how I enjoyed it. Then I kept enjoying it and kept walking.
In Wild, a major life event inspired the heroine to start walking; did you have anything similar? Nope! Some young people take a gap year or set out travelling post-university, and I chose this. While I do think that seeing and understanding other parts of the world can be incredibly valuable, for me, at the start I looked at this as a chance to have a period of self-reflection while also making my footprint a little smaller.
You said accepting help has been a big lesson for you. More than anything it's just been developing a confidence maybe in my own ability or knowing I can do something or pursue something. I suppose it's like anything, if you set out to do something and you do it then it's something you can look back on and say, “I was able to do that, I was able to keep moving forward”. And this is like a really direct representation of that. I don't usually look at it that way until a little bit later, though. I try and take things as they come a little bit. And I think maybe that makes it easier: focusing on what you have at hand.
Did you have an example of a time when you had some help that you really needed? When my Achilles tendon swelled up it was like I had a golf ball on the back of my ankle. I was in the middle of the prairies and I knew I had to get into a city to get it looked at, but there were no buses, so at that point I had to go to a stranger and knock on their door and ask if there was some way of getting to town. In the end he gave me a ride.
It sounds like you're quite self-aware of how you’re feeling – has that helped? Absolutely. Even if I'm trying to live in a moment and solely be in that moment I think it's also come in terms of, that, not everything is permanent. If I'm not feeling great in a certain circumstance, it's not always going to be that way. But memory's a funny thing and you just forget that sometimes.
Once, we walked through a few days of really cold and wet weather and we were joking because I think you go through periods when you're like, “I'm so wet that I'll never not be wet, I'll always be wet, I'll never be dry again”. And it feels like that. That was coming through part of Nova Scotia, through Cape Breton. We were in the bush, the tent was wet and all of our clothes were wet, and we were walking in wet shoes that were completely waterlogged. Your hands are permanently wrinkled. It feels like you've been in a bath for hours, but no: it's just the rain.
Are you looking forward to having a break? Admittedly, I've had a couple of breaks from the trail but in those instances, almost as soon as I stopped walking I'd be itching for the trail. I'd spend a day or two at home, and it was really nice to see family and friends, but I'd miss the trail so much.
But I think being away from family and friends started to take its toll a little bit, and I missed having access to books and music and all of that. It's a lot to live out of a bag and to live outside for so long.
Do you have any advice for women who want to do long walks on their own but don’t know where to start? How I feel here is not any different from how I feel living as a woman at home. Carrying a safety device is nice but I don't know if it gave me confidence. I think it gave my mum confidence, though, and it made me happy that my mum was happy.
At the same time, I know it's different for everyone. For example, I'm a white woman walking across Canada and I know my experience could be very different if I wasn't. Just do what you're comfortable with. Putting yourself in a position where you're going to feel really anxious all the time will colour your experience in a negative way.
I also started out walking with someone and so maybe jumping in like that was easier. But that's just me – it doesn't mean it would have been the same for anyone else.
Did you ever feel lonely? Not often – maybe because I had so many people join me along the way. But even during parts I've been by myself, I didn't often feel lonely. Alone, yes; lonely, no. I think sometimes it's easier to feel lonely in groups of people: there's a feeling of lacking connection with the folks you're around that leaves you aching for intimacy, or a disconnect leaves you longing for someone to understand you. That is something that I've never felt when I've been walking.
What's one way you kept yourself entertained? I'm definitely doing a 21st century version of this journey. Sometimes I walk in the quiet, but on other occasions I listen to music, audiobooks or podcasts. I call my friends and family. If I have a friend on the trail, sometimes we'll play cards, or make up games. Mostly, though, I spend a lot of time with my thoughts.
Welcome to Money Diaries, where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking a cross-section of women how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last penny.
This week we're with a 29-year-old Italian who moved to London five years ago. She was meant to stay just for a couple of months but three jobs and five houses later, she's still here and has a Canadian boyfriend and friends she considers to be her second family. She loves shopping, reading, discovering new restaurants, travelling (she has already been to five different countries this year) and is seriously addicted to many TV shows.
Industry: Retail, e-Commerce Age: 29 Location: London Salary: 34k Paycheque amount per month: £2,120 Number of housemates: 4
Monthly Expenses
Housing costs: £525 for rent, I share a big ensuite room with my boyfriend in a house we share with three friends Loan payments: None Utilities: £80 for internet, gas, cleaner and water Transportation: I pay as I go, ends up being around £80 Phone bill: £17 Health insurance: Covered by work Savings: Around £100 Other: £61 for Gymbox
Total: £783
Day One
7.45am: Drag myself out of bed and get the bus to work, I really need to get my bike sorted and start cycling again, so that I can stay in bed even longer. £1.50
8.30am: I always have breakfast at my desk, tea from the kitchen and I then alternate porridge or cereals that I bring from home. This morning is porridge! I'm Italian and used to have a lot of biscuits or croissant for breakfast, but porridge makes me feel healthier and I won't snack until late morning.
12.45pm: I walk to the gym for my weekly Ashtanga yoga class, I started doing yoga two years ago and I couldn’t live without it now.
2pm: Lunch at my desk, I cooked couscous with roasted vegetables yesterday. This is going to be an expensive week, so I have to try and save money on my lunches. Luckily we did grocery shopping yesterday so I'm ok with food for the week.
6pm: The weather is nice so I walk home, it takes me around 45 minutes. I stop at Sainsbury's to collect an ASOS parcel – I bought new shoes over the weekend, looking forward to try them on.
8pm: After a quick dinner it's time to book the accommodation for our last two days in Bali in August. Since we didn't pay for the flights (thanks to my boyfriend's company who gave him a bonus to use on flights last month), we decide to splurge on the accommodations. £171
11.30pm: Read for a bit before falling asleep. I need to catch up on American Gods as I want to read the book before starting the TV show, but everyone is already talking about it!
Total: £172.50
Day Two
8am: Bus to work. £1.50
8.30am: Breakfast at my desk, a colleague has brought croissants in, but I'm still hungry so I have some cereals as well.
10.30am: We're leaving for Rome on Friday for a friend's wedding so I go on Minicabit and book a cab for Friday morning. Total is £36, but boyfriend will pay half so it works out at £18. We have a very early flight and I can't be bothered taking the public transport at 4am.
11am: Tuesday we get free fruit in the office! Get an apple to use in my porridge tomorrow and one banana.
12.45pm: Vinyasa yoga class at work. My company offers free yoga once a week which is very convenient.
6pm: I run to my IPL hair removal appointment in west London. This is for free as I bought a six-sessions pack last autumn. Going by bus would be even longer so I have to take the Tube there. £2
6.30pm: I get there a bit early, so I check a big Asian food store close by and stock up on instant noodles, seaweed and sheet masks. £8.48
7.30pm: Pop into Zara as I really need some spring/summer clothes for Rome, it's 30 degrees there! £98. Oops.
8pm: Tube back home. £2
8.30pm: Finally home! Cook a quick pasta and overnight oats for tomorrow's breakfast. Watch a couple episodes of The 100 with the boyfriend before falling asleep around 11:30.
Total: £129.98
Day Three
8am: Walk to work.
9am: Overnight oats for breakfast.
12.15pm: I walk to the gym for a 30-minutes abs class. I love going to the gym at lunchtime, it breaks my day and the afternoon feels shorter. And let's be honest, I can then eat as much as I want.
1.30pm: I eat a salmon quiche from home and while I have lunch I renew my about-to-expire ASOS premium delivery. £9.95. I'm so used to this and Amazon Prime, I think if I had to wait more than 24 hours for a parcel I'd go crazy now.
6pm: It's been an exhausting day and I'm meeting a couple girlfriends in Soho for a cocktail and some gossip before heading home. It's a buy-one-get-two and we all have mojitos, so pretty cheap. £4
7.30pm: Bus home. £1.50
8pm: Boyfriend cooks chicken and corn on the cob and we then decide to watch a movie as we haven't watched any in a while. We decide to re-watch Mulholland Drive, I love David Lynch and the new season of Twin Peaks is out so I want to get in the mood!
Total: £15.45
Day Four
8am: Bus to work. £1.50
9am: A friend is in my building for a meeting so I meet her for breakfast in our canteen, cinnamon bagel with butter. £1.20
12:30pm: Walk to the gym for a pound class. It is so much fun! It combines Pilates and isometric movements, all with constant simulated drumming, so very good to release the accumulated stress. I love Gymbox because of the variety of classes offered, I never get bored!
2pm: Grab a Tesco meal deal on the way back to the office, salmon and cucumber sandwich, yoghurt and a can of Coke. I didn't prep anything yesterday and I forgot to bring my instant noodles. £4
5.30pm: I leave the office a bit earlier as I booked a luxury mani-pedi in Fitzrovia. This was a gift for my bday, so free. It's two hours of complete relaxation and they kept filling my glass of prosecco. I walk out a couple hours after, a bit tipsy and with an OPI goody bag.
8pm: Bus home. £1.50
8.30pm: I get home and no one can be bothered cooking, so we decide to order Thai food on UberEats and have a little feast with the flatmates. £11
Total: £19.20
Day Five
4am: Cab to Heathrow, paid on Tuesday.
5.30am: Porridge and croissant at Pret. £5.50
6am: It's very hot and sunny in Rome, so I buy an SPF at Boots before boarding. £6
11am: We land and we get a taxi to the hotel. When I travel with my boyfriend we always put money together, like £50 a day, it makes it easier as we won't have to divide the bills. £25
1pm: Walk to the Trevi fountain. I've been to Rome a lot of times but it's always beautiful, I could never get bored of this! We get two slices of pizza on the go. £8
2pm: I take my boyfriend to the best ice cream place in the world and we get a cone each. I forgot how much ice cream you get in Italy ordering a medium cone but oh well, I'll have to deal with it. £5.50
7pm: After a power nap at the hotel we have a Spritz and then walk to Trastevere for dinner. £10
10.30pm: After a full dinner including wine, starter, main and dessert we are a bit tipsy and so tired as we only slept four hours, so we walk back to our hotel and fall asleep by midnight. £20
Total: £80
Day Six
9.30am: Get up and have breakfast at the hotel. When I travel, breakfast is my favourite meal. I have croissant, homemade cake, bread and jam and an amazing cappuccino.
10.30am: Check out from the hotel and walk to the Colosseum, it's so hot I'm dying, we get some water and keep walking around. £2
12pm: A few of my friends have arrived in Rome for the wedding, so we meet one of them for lunch. We have pizza and Coke in the same place we went to yesterday. £10
2pm: We go back to the hotel to collect our luggage and get a taxi to the station, we could have walked, but is so warm we can't face it. £5
2.30pm: We get a train to the beach location we are going to stay for the next two days. Since both me and my boyfriend have been to Rome many times, we decided to stay by the beach for the rest of the time so that we can chill and get some colour on before the wedding. £4
3.30pm: We get to the hotel and we both completely forgot we booked this on Booking.com and still haven't paid for it. Unpleasant surprise. £90
4pm: We hit the beach and get a Spritz. They bring it with crisps, nuts, olives and focaccia bread. £10
6pm: We go to a local supermarket to get some goodies for after dinner: bottle of red wine, anchovies, olives and cheese. £12
8.30pm: After a shower we go to a restaurant we found online, it has amazing reviews. We have the most amazing burrata cheese, seafood pasta and cheesecake. Quite expensive, but well worth it. Once we get back to the hotel we are too full, tipsy and tired to open another bottle and have more food, we fall asleep around 11pm. £50
Total: £183
Day Seven
9.30am: Breakfast at the hotel, unfortunately is not included. Once again I have a lot of food, cakes, croissant, tea... £6.50
10.30am: We decide to try another beach, we get lounge chairs and an umbrella and the sun is already very warm. £10
1.30pm: Quick lunch, I get a Caprese salad and a beer, the tomatoes in Italy make all the difference, so good! £10
4.30pm: I get a popsicle and water, it's so warm! £3
6.30pm: Back to the hotel and we finally have all the goodies we bought yesterday. We have a nice balcony, so we have all the food and wine with a nice view.
9pm: We decide to splurge on a final seafood dinner, it's our last night here as we have our friend's wedding tomorrow. I decide to get the bill and not to use the money we have in common for the holiday. £100
With the news of Sofia Coppola's award for Best Director at Cannes for her new drama The Beguiled (disappointingly, she’s only the second woman to have won the prize in the festival’s history), we’re turning to her back catalogue to revisit her most stylish films.
From the fanciful, pastel-hued Marie Antoinette to the wanderlust-fuelling cult classic Lost in Translation, the director’s work can’t be separated from her aesthetic. Coppola’s cinematography is filled with colour palettes and costume designs that are as memorable as the plots themselves. Of course, Coppola is no stranger to the world of fashion. Marc Jacobs' longstanding muse since their first meeting at a 1992 Perry Ellis show, she was a regular in ‘90s magazines like Seventeen and YM.
Looking back through stills of the director’s best work, we’re here to make the case for (arguably) her most visually stirring film, The Virgin Suicides, as the inspiration behind our summer style. If you’ve not seen the 1999 indie hit, it stars Kirsten Dunst, Josh Hartnett and Kathleen Turner and is based on Jeffrey Eugenides' bestselling novel. Set in 1970s Detroit, the story follows the five Lisbon sisters through the eyes of a group of neighbourhood boys who become enamoured with them. After the suicide of their youngest sister, their strict Catholic parents increase supervision and take the girls out of school, only furthering the boys' infatuation. As the girls become more and more isolated, the dreamlike film spirals into a claustrophobic suburban nightmare.
As well as the soundtrack, featuring Carole King and Al Green, the costumes are one of the highlights of the film. Designer Nancy Steiner chose vintage pieces, from ‘70s stripes and button-down skirts to virginal Catholic prom dresses. With the aesthetic inspiring the likes of Tavi Gevinson and Petra Collins, we’ll be adding stills of Coppola’s film to our Pinterest board, and floating in ethereal and pastel pieces all summer long.
Click through to see our favourite items inspired by The Virgin Suicides.
Kirsten Dunst's Lux rebels against her restrictive upbringing, writing the names of boys in her underwear and inviting them to the roof of the family home. She does it in great style. This rainbow bikini top will be top of our holiday wish list, paired with a midi skirt and sandals.
Photo: Zoetrope/Kobal/REX/Shutterstock
Warehouse Rainbow Stripe Bikini Top, £17, available at Warehouse
Free People Rainbow Stripe Triangle Bikini Top, £89.95, available at Free People
Stella McCartney Striped Triangle Cup Bikini Top, £90, available at Selfridges
The girls are made to wear dowdy, virginal dresses to prom, to which their mother adds fabric – the "four identical sacks" are floral and prairie-like. We're spoilt for choice this spring, with midi dresses with ruffles, tea dresses and high-necked styles everywhere.
Photo: Zoetrope/Kobal/REX/Shutterstock
Topshop Ditsy Floral Print Tea Dress, £46, available at Topshop
Ganni Marietta Georgette Dress, £135, available at Ganni
Heartthrob Trip Fontaine woos Lux from prom to football field, leaving her to wake up alone after their night together. This brown boxy jacket would look ideal over the aforementioned floral dress, and these tinted aviators aren't going anywhere.
Photo: Zoetrope/Kobal/REX/Shutterstock
Quay Australia Muse Fade Sunglasses, £45, available at Quay Australia
Death is still taboo in most western societies. Odd, considering it’s one of life’s only certainties (along with taxes, obviously), and we all regrettably experience grief and loss during our lifetime. This means most of us fail to talk about the experience of dying until it’s happening to us or someone we love, and when we think about what it might be like, we tend to think in negative terms. But a new study suggests dying – when there is foresight – is actually happier and less terrifying than we might imagine.
Researchers analysed the emotions expressed in blog posts written by a mixture of terminally ill patients and prisoners on death row and concluded that dying is "less sad and terrifying – and happier – than you think", reported the Independent.
The writers’ accounts of dying didn’t convey loneliness or feelings of anxiety, but were actually "filled with love, social connection, and meaning", the researchers said. The patients had terminal cancer and amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), while the prisoners faced death sentences in Texas.
The study, conducted by psychologists at the University of North Carolina and published in the journal Psychological Science, compared the real accounts to the words used by volunteers asked to imagine they faced imminent death. The team used algorithms to analyse both sets of blog posts for words with positive and negative connotations.
The surprising thing? The emotional tone of the words used became more positive as the writers approached death, and they were more likely to broach weighty topics like family and religion, presumably as they took stock of their lives.
"All water and nutrition now through gravity bags – drip, drip, drip. Need assistance for every movement. Surrounded here by so much love and care I feel I am ready for the next step," read one of the posts analysed by the researchers.
"I have no regrets at all – I have had a full life, touched and been touched by such wonderful family and friends. So if there is to be a final lesson for me it is that love is the ultimate gift – love and honesty."
Assistant professor Kurt Gray, one of the researchers, said most of us "think mostly of sadness and terror" when we imagine our emotions as we approach death. But, as humans, we're "incredibly adaptive" and tend to go about our daily lives as normal, even if we're dying.
“In our imagination, dying is lonely and meaningless, but the final blog posts of terminally ill patients and the last words of death row inmates are filled with love, social connection, and meaning.”
68% of British people fear death, according to a survey by YouGov, and for some people, fear of death can become a phobia known as thanatophobia, or "death anxiety".
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Have you watched The Keepers? You should definitely watch The Keepers. And for good reason. Hailed as "the new Making A Murderer ", the documentary series has fast become one of the most talked-about television shows of the summer.
For those not in the know, The Keepers is billed as an investigation into the murder of Sister Cathy Cesnik in 1969. The series suggests that her murder was covered up because Sister Cathy knew information that would be harmful to the Catholic Church.
However, The Keepers is much more than a true crime documentary. It is, sadly, a heartbreaking example of repeated abuse of power – but it is also a testament to the women involved. Every single woman (save perhaps one...) featured across the seven episodes is a role model. They are the sort of women you want to put in textbooks for future girls to look up to. Many never got the justice they deserved and The Keepers now serves as a lasting reminder of their incredible courage.
Working in Baltimore (home, too, to the crimes committed in podcasts Serial and Convicted), Sister Cathy Cesnik was a 26-year-old nun. It is said often during the show how beautiful she was, how well liked. Sister Cathy had, unusually for a nun in her order, secured a job in a local school and lived in a flat with another nun, Sister Russell Phillips.
The school where Cathy taught, Archbishop Keough High School, is the location of years of alleged child sexual abuse. No one has ever been convicted, although the archdiocese has paid out settlements to 16 people who have levelled accusations at the school's chaplain, Father Maskell – reported by many to be the ringleader and main perpetrator.
Beyond these 16 individuals, it's tough to know how many children were affected by the alleged abuse. Without going into spoiler territory, it is reported over the course of the documentary that abuse was widespread and that, for all the people who have come forward as alleged victims, there may have been many more.
There are four main women at the centre of the documentary. First up are Abbie Schaub and Gemma Hoskins; a crime-fighting odd couple of unlikely proportions. Both women are former students of Sister Cathy's and it is clear, even 50 years later, that the nun had a huge impact on both of them. In fact, Gemma says it was Cathy who inspired her to become a teacher herself.
For the past several years, they have been tirelessly leading their own investigation into the case. Despite being in their mid-60s, the two run a successful Facebook page (hands up whose similar-aged mums struggle even to upload a profile picture) which has been responsible for gathering information featured in the documentary. They also have a blog which collects articles and evidence. Abbie is timid and enjoys the research, spending hours poring over outdated news articles and ancient interviews. Gemma is more outgoing and takes it upon herself to go out and interview the people she thinks might have information. She's always nice about it, but she's got an edge you wouldn't want to cross.
Not for nothing have they been compared to Making A Murderer 's Dean Strang and Jerry Buting, the attorneys who represented Steven Avery and fast became viewers' favourites. Abbie and Gemma's dogged determination and tireless search for the truth about their former teacher has resulted in possibly the greatest meme of 2017 (so far).
The Keepers spends long, uncomfortable periods of time in the company of the former students of Archbishop Keough as they speak frankly about the abuse they claim to have endured at the hands of Father Maskell. It's painful to listen as these women, now in their 50s and 60s, describe their experiences. At the forefront is Jean Wehner.
Jean was, for a long time, known as "Jane Doe". She says she was witness to a shocking, case-changing piece of evidence which she suppressed, along with the other horrific memories of her childhood. However, when she says things started coming back to her later in life, rather than continue her family life and attempt to live with her demons, she chose to waive her anonymity and pursue justice. As it is, she's been key in providing weight and strength not only to those still investigating Sister Cathy's murder but also to the other alleged victims who, encouraged by her, have started to come forward as well.
Jean's measured delivery to camera, her bruised yet matter-of-fact emotional state, is a marvel. It is unfathomable that she is able to stand tall. And yet there she is, still fighting.
Finally, there is Sister Cathy. Not much older than the young women she taught, The Keepers makes much of her bravery in the face of oppression. As someone who had to plead her case just to teach at the school, the fact that – as The Keepers implies – she took it upon herself to stand up for her voiceless students in the face of a notoriously patriarchal and hugely powerful organisation is next level.
In the overwhelmingly Catholic city of Baltimore, the Church was key. Priests were well known, liked and trusted by parents, by students and by public services. To take on a priest was to take on your religion; it was to take on an entire town. And it may have cost Cathy her life.
There are countless other women who took part in the documentary. Countless more that came forward and told their stories after years of trying to move on. Women who haven't ever found closure for the demons they deal with today. For us, the viewers, we need to watch for this very reason. We need to remember that taking part can't have been an easy task for these women, but my goodness, was it an important one.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
The term 'cult beauty product' is overused by beauty editors and makeup obsessives alike but if ever there was a cult beauty product, then Urban Decay’s Naked palettes undoubtedly tick the box. Some of the most popular beauty products of all time, each one of its neutral (and universally flattering) shades is more pigmented and more wearable than most market alternatives, consistently earning rave reviews from loyal fans all over the world.
And just in time for summer, Urban Decay has turned up the heat: its latest 12-shadow palette has arrived. Its fifth offering, the Naked Heat Palette, is a sunset paradise, with coppers, burnt oranges, and ambers adding a flash of colour to your makeup bag. Ranging from a pale base shadow through to a scorched brown, the palette offers a buildable range that will look at home on both sunny days and hot summer nights.
The Naked Heat Palette, £39.50, is available exclusively for a limited pre-sale on the brand’s website starting 12th June. If you’re not already an Urban Decay Beauty Junkie, you’ll have to wait until 30th June.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
If you read “clean eating” blogs and follow #fitspo Instagrammers, you’d be forgiven for thinking that processed white bread is basically poison. Even if you pride yourself on eating a normal, balanced diet, you may still opt for brown or wholemeal instead because your mum once told you it was healthier.
We assume white bread has low nutritional value and contains scary amounts of sugar, salt and worse, and is therefore bad for us. The reality isn’t that simple, though, and processed white bread could actually be just as good for you as brown, according to a new study.
Scientists at the Weizmann Institute of Science, in Israel, monitored the effects of eating a traditional supermarket white loaf compared with artisanal wholewheat sourdough – and there was little difference between them.
In fact, we may all react differently to different types of bread and one shouldn’t be labelled as “healthier” than another, the researchers suggested. Sales of processed white bread in the UK have dropped by 75% since 1974, while sales of brown and wholemeal have risen by 85%, suggesting we've all taken the "unhealthiness" of white bread as a given.
For the study, published in the journal Cell Metabolism, the scientists analysed the gut bacteria and levels of fat, cholesterol, glucose and essential minerals such as calcium and iron in 20 healthy volunteers.
Half were asked to eat a higher-than-average amount of fresh wholewheat sourdough bread for a week, while the others were given the same amount of white bread. They were then given a two-week break before the two groups' diets were reversed.
The results were a surprise – even to the researchers. “The initial finding, and this was very much contrary to our expectation, was that there were no clinically significant differences between the effects of these two types of bread on any of the parameters that we measured,” said Professor Eran Segal, senior author of the study, reported The Sun.
He said the results "are not only fascinating but potentially very important – different people react differently, even to the same foods.” This is because we all have a unique array of microbes in our gut.
However, the findings shouldn't be considered conclusive, the team warned. The sample size was small and the volunteers only ate each type of bread for a week. There also wasn't a control group, so there may have been other factors affecting the results (people often change their normal behaviour when they're taking part in a study).
Wholemeal and brown bread do have other benefits, though, as some have pointed out. Bridget Benelam, from the British Nutrition Foundation, highlighted that it contains more fibre than white. She said: “Going for wholegrain bread and other wholegrain foods is important as, in the UK, we eat much less fibre than is recommended,” TheSun reported.
Dr. Elizabeth Lund, an independent consultant in nutrition and gastrointestinal health, also touted the benefits of wholegrains. “It should not be forgotten the health benefits of whole grains may be much longer-term than a one week study can show, especially in relation to gut health and prevention of conditions like bowel cancer.” Turns out the concept of "gut health" is far from a load of shit, after all.
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I think we can all agree that Wonder Woman has crushed expectations.
The film made over £175 million worldwide in its first weekend in cinemas, making it the highest grossing domestic film by a female director. It has a rating of 93% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, earned glowing reviews from critics and fans alike, and inspired little girls all over the world to embrace their inner superhero. I'd call that a major win.
But all this begs the question: Why were those expectations so low in the first place? In the months leading up to the premiere of Wonder Woman, questions were raised about director Patty Jenkins' ability to shoulder such a weighty franchise. The National Review 's Armond White, for example, wrote that "Jenkins is not an action director; clearly, she was hired only as a politically correct token."
Others were less explicit. The Hollywood Reportercalled Jenkins "a big gamble for Warner Bros," citing, among other factors, her lack of experience. The director only had one big-screen feature under her belt, 2003's Oscar-winning Monster starring Charlize Theron, which cost only £6.5 million to make. Wonder Woman, on the other hand, had a budget of £120 million.
Similar concerns were raised about Jenkins' predecessor, Michelle MacLaren, who was originally supposed to direct the film. Although Warner Bros. cited "creative differences" as the official reason for her departure, Varietyreported in April 2015 that executives had become worried about MacLaren's competence in directing such a large-scale project, given the fact that her experience lay mainly in directing prestige TV episodes of Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead, among others.
Add to that the suspicious lack of marketing surrounding the film, a move many interpreted as the studio lowering expectations to minimise potential fallout should it fail at the box office, and we have the makings of a glaring double standard.
In 2016, only 7 percent of the 250 top-grossing films were directed by women, according to San Diego State's Centre for the Study of Women in Television and Film. This was a 2 percent decline from 2015. And while, Jenkins' success may pave the way for more women to direct big-ticket franchises, it's unacceptable that they should have to jump through more hoops even after they've been tapped to run a project. Aside from Jenkins, only a handful of female directors have ever been given the responsibility of a huge blockbuster with only one film on their resume. Sam Taylor-Johnson, for one, went from directing Nowhere Boy, a low-budget film about young John Lennon, to helming the first instalment of the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise.
On the flip side, plenty of men have made the jump from indies to big-budget blockbusters, with little objections raised. Ahead are just a few examples.
Marc Webb
Indie Feature:500 Days of Summer (2009)
Next Project:The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)
Like Jenkins, Webb had only directed one feature-length film, an indie with a budget of less than £7 million, before being tapped to direct the £185 million The Amazing Spider-Man. At the time, Amy Pascal, co-chairman of Sony Pictures Entertainment, and Matt Tolmach, president of Columbia Pictures, said: “At its core, Spider-Man is a small, intimate human story about an everyday teenager that takes place in an epic super-human world. The key for us as we sought a new director was to identify filmmakers who could give sharp focus to Peter Parker’s life. We wanted someone who could capture the awe of being in Peter’s shoes so the audience could experience his sense of discovery while giving real heart to the emotion, anxiety, and recklessness of that age and coupling all of that with the adrenaline of Spider-Man’s adventure. We believe Marc Webb is the perfect choice to bring us on that journey.”
James Gunn
Indie Feature: Slither (2006)
Next Project: Guardians of The Galaxy (2013)
Who doesn't love Baby Groot? James Gunn actually directed a few indie films between Slither and Guardians of the Galaxy ( and also worked as a screenwriter on a number of movies ), but the former was his biggest budget film (at £10 million) before taking on the £186 million dollar Marvel behemoth starring Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, and Bradley Cooper.
Gareth Edwards
Indie Feature:Monsters(2010)
Next Project:Godzilla (2015)
Third Project:Star Wars: Rogue One (2016)
Garreth Edwards went straight from directing a film with a £400,000 budget (!) to Godzilla, a film with a budget of $160 million. From there, Edwards went on to direct the first spinoff in the Star Wars franchise, starring Felicity Jones, Diego Luna, and Riz Ahmed. The budget for that one? £130 million.
Josh Trank
Indie Feature:Chronicle(2012)
Next Project:Fantastic Four (2015)
Trank's first film, a well received teen sci-fi thriller starring Dane Dehaan and Michael B. Jordon, cost only £10 million to make. His second was the highly anticipated Fantastic Four reboot starring Miles Teller. Yes, the one that has a 9% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
At the time of the film's release, Trank tweeted (and then promptly deleted): “A year ago I had a fantastic version of this. And it would’ve recieved [sic] great reviews. You’ll probably never see it. That’s reality though.”
Colin Trevorrow
Indie Feature:Safety Not Guaranteed (2012)
Next Project:Jurassic World (2016)
In an interview with SlashFilm, Treverrow said that he never even had to pitch to direct the £120 million reboot of the classic franchise, nor did he read a script, despite only having ever directed one film. Rather, he got the job after Brad Pitt recommended him, saying "he kind of reminds me of me."
"We talked for about two hours and then they flew me to L.A. a couple days later and Steven and I talked for a couple of hours and then he gave me Jurassic Park because it was a very strange week," Treverrow said. "You know, I don’t know exactly why he made that choice."
Jordan Vogt-Roberts
Indie Feature:The Kinds Of Summer (2013)
Next Project:Kong: Skull Island(2017)
Jordan Vogt-Roberts' £1.1 million coming of age movie premiered to rave reviews at Sundance. In 2014, he directed the You're The Worst pilot for FX, and three more episodes in the show's acclaimed first season before getting tapped to direct the King Kong origin story, starring Tom Hiddleston and Michael Keaton, and with a budget of £150 million.
As Vulturepointed out in an interview with Vogt-Roberts earlier this year, this transition from indies to blockbusters was a conscious move on the director's part. “After Kings of Summer, I came to realise that when you make an indie, it almost doesn’t matter how good it is," Vogt-Roberts said. "My friends had movies far better than mine, things like Fruitvale Station and Short Term 12, that were coming out the same year — you watch this thing that you love enter into the world, and it’s almost impossible to break through the clutter and the noise of pop culture,” Vogt-Roberts told Vulture recently. “So I was like, I want to make a big movie, because I want people to see the movie I make. ”
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Welcome toThe Drop, Refinery29's new home for exclusive music video premieres. We want to shine the spotlight on female artists whose music inspires, excites, and (literally) moves us. This is where we'll champion their voices.
Dagny stresses that she has no problem with getting naked, but when it comes to her new song, "Wearing Nothing," things aren't quite so literal. The music video, shared exclusively on Refinery29, instead explores what the Norwegian singer calls "being bare with someone," and the knack human relationships have for falling in and out of sync.
The first thing you'll notice about the video, however, are the colours.
"I think we very quickly decided we wanted this Wes Anderson inspired thing," she told Refinery29. "It would have been such an easy thing to do like 'Oh, we have a song called Wearing Nothing, Dagny, let’s get undressed.' I just didn’t have that vision, I guess."
Instead, she opted for the vintage fashion and decor she gravitates towards in her everyday life, and this personal touch extends to her dance moves. The entire video, which features Dagny opposite two male subjects, is choreographed to represent the way our movements can be so perfectly in sync with another person — as well as how they can fall apart.
"I guess it’s something in my head I’ve always imagined, this amazing La La Land meets, like, an old Fred Astaire movie or something," she explained. In turn, these movements tell a story, specifically, "this idea of you’re in sync with someone and then as time goes by you fall out of sync and you have this moment of alone and then you meet someone else and you’re in sync."
It's not about one relationship versus another, but rather the cycle of relationships — with others and ourselves — that is constantly turning.
"You’re with someone and then you’re totally in sync and everything is great and then time passes on and runs its course and you come to an end," she explains. "But then by then meeting someone new that doesn’t necessarily diminish what you had."
Instead, Dagny prefers to focus on self-growth. It's reflective and sometimes sad but, above all, fun.
As for what's next, Dagny will be performing at Mercury Lounge in New York City on June 27 to celebrate the single's debut, followed by a summer tour that takes her all through Europe. For more information, go to her website.
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In late May, the Universe gave us the gift of witnessing a new diplomatic bromance bloom: Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and French President Emmanuel Macron. And this week, we also got a sweet reminder that the friendship between former President Barack Obama and Prime Minister Trudeau is also still going strong.
The two leaders met for dinner Tuesday night after Obama gave a speech at the Montreal Board of Trade. He took a few digs at President Trump (without saying his name) and addressed topics such as climate change, the rise of populism, fake news, and the importance of standing by certain global institutions.
After the event ended, Obama and Trudeau went to grab dinner in the St. Henri neighbourhood. The Canadian prime minister tweeted a picture of the dinner and said, "How do we get young leaders to take action in their communities? Thanks @BarackObama for your visit & insights tonight in my hometown."
(In our opinion, not adding heart emojis to this tweet seems like a wasted opportunity. Trudeau had some characters left. Yes, we checked.)
How do we get young leaders to take action in their communities? Thanks @BarackObama for your visit & insights tonight in my hometown. pic.twitter.com/EwJXPEkN3w
— The Obama Foundation (@ObamaFoundation) June 7, 2017
Naturally, people on social media were glad to see the two leaders reunited, and it led to a barrage of memes. Some people speculated that they had dinner to please their fans.
its like obama and trudeau saw all the memes and said "let's do dinner, for the fandom"
Some wondered if the encounter hurt the feelings of former Vice President Joe Biden, whose friendship with Obama is just too pure. However, in May we learned that Obiden is strong as ever, so we wouldn't worry about it. It's very likely Biden may not be the type of person to share his ice cream, but we think he can share his friend.
^ 'Memories, light the corners of my mind Misty water-colored memories, of the way we were' pic.twitter.com/5sBsG196sN
And finally, a couple of people suggested that Macron should join Obama and Trudeau for dinner. Or you know, they should join forces to save the world.
Obama & Trudeau! My heroes!
But where's Macron?!
The Three Musketeers show the World what leaders should be!
— Rhonda Jo Aldrich (@RoosterWrangler) June 7, 2017
One day, all of this will be over and Trudeau, the Obamas & Macron can travel the world doing good deeds and solving crimes. https://t.co/DKbIHPLyMA
Many of us have been brought up to believe that we should have a finite number of best friends. Think about it: Those "best friends" necklaces only have two parts, and Taylor Swift's growing squad is seen as disingenuous (to say the least). But can you really have too many people in your life with the "best friend" title?
In truth, you might have hundreds, or even thousands, of friends on Facebook, so it is possible to have more than 150 relationships. And researchers also acknowledge that social media and technology make it increasingly harder to deduce how many friends someone really has. But this number just represents how many connections your brain can theoretically handle, based on its size. And in this research, the connections aren't specifically "friends," so your family members could also be included in that group.
Those 150 contacts are also broken down into layers or tiers, based on the "strength of emotional ties," according to Dunbar. The closest layer, and perhaps the most elite one, can actually hold five people, not just one, Dunbar discovered. Dunbar tested this original theory in the 1990s, and then again in 2016, and amazingly, the same patterns held up. So, statistically speaking, it's possible to have multiple strong relationships at once. But still, is it harmful or disingenuous to give multiple people the same label? That depends on your personality.
"I feel strongly that people have different needs in terms of the amount of close friends that they have," says says Andrea Bonior, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in friendships and relationships, and author of The Friendship Fix. "Most people have one person that edges out the others, yet they do have a handful of people close to them," she says.
If you have multiple best friends, it can actually be more fulfilling, because it ensures that you have your emotional needs met on different levels, Dr. Bonior says. The idea is that different people can provide you with different kinds of emotional support. "It's important that you really think about ways each person fills a role for you," she says. Plus, focusing on having one "end-all-be-all best friend" could ultimately be a disservice, she says, because it could lead you to cut out people who aren't perfect.
That said, multiple BFFs don't work for everyone, and that's okay, too. According to Dr. Bonior, having too many best friends can spread some people too thin. "It's awesome if you do have five best friends, but are your needs getting met in terms of being understood, confiding in somebody, counting on someone if you need them, and vice versa?" she says. Everyone is different, so some people might find that their needs are met by one person — or 20 people, and that's fine, too. As Haley Nahman wrote for Man Repeller (paraphrasing Mindy Kaling), "Best friend is a tier, not a person."
Ultimately, you just need to find a happy medium. The exact number of best friends you have depends on your personality, and whether you're introverted or extroverted, Dr. Bonior says. What makes a BFF is definitely subjective, but according to Dr. Bonior, a best friendship is about feeling that your friend knows and understands you, and they're someone you can count on. "
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"It's a little bit bigger, and the horror factor goes up," Ross Duffer said of the show's second season, during an event at Netflix's FYSee Space, according to Variety.
Executive producer Shawn Levy also said at the event that Stranger Things season 2 will be "darker" than the first set of episodes. Still, the producers stressed that the show focuses first and foremost on its characters and their relationships, something they've said in other interviews, too.
"There is a lot of talk — and I've contributed to it — about the move to darker threats and a larger cinematic scale, but here is the thing: Stranger Things works because we root for these kids, and we root for these damaged characters who live on the margins,” Levy said at the Netflix event on Tuesday. "Everyone is struggling with that feeling of being a bit on the outside looking in. But we know that what really brought us here are the characters that people connect to and that feel authentic… so season 2 is every bit as loyal to characters first, and spooky second."
The Duffers also said they were surprised at the series' breakout success.
"Last year when we were making the show, we were just worried that we weren't going to get anyone to watch it at all,” Matt Duffer said at the event. "There was this concern that the show was going to be this little blip in pop culture, so we were just thrilled that people were watching it. And it just snowballed from there."
Related Video:
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Aside from exercising our democratic right to choose who represents us in government and runs the country, the best thing about a general election is undoubtedly cooing over #DogsAtPollingStations.
Because only guide dogs are allowed inside polling stations, voters' four-legged friends must wait patiently outside, which explains the deluge of photos of dogs posing by polling station signs on social media during recent elections.
The Dog's Trust is even trying to encourage polling stations to become "Paw-ing Stations" by considering the dogs' wellbeing as they wait patiently outside, and Twitter itself has fully got behind the craze this year by making the hashtag its very own dog emoji.
You may be experiencing election fatigue, but we're pretty confident you won't tire of scrolling through this most adorable of hashtags.
The more political pooches even showed support for their favourite pawties. Some got dressed up in their fanciest garb or accessorised with red to back Labour.
“I don’t know what the fuck we talk about!” Paltrow exclaimed, after Kimmel pressed her a little too hard on the subject of Goop’s recent article on Earthing. “Earthing,” according to Goop, is the practice of walking around barefoot to better absorb the energy of our planet, which is there, “if only we would take off our shoes and access [it].” The article claims Paltrow swears by it — but she tells a different story.
You mean not even Paltrow knows what in the world Goop is praising as the second coming of Christ most of the time? That makes two of us, sister. Despite the ever-growing shoppable list of high-quality, toxin-free beauty products we'll never stop wanting to buy, there are still plenty of times Goop has had us all saying a collective "WTF." Here, five of the most noteworthy:
1) If your regular hair salon doesn’t incorporate spiritual psychology into your appointments, then clearly you don’t go to the Santa Monica-based hairstylist whose use of body and energy work, essential oils, crystals, and attention to the chakras has been “seriously transformative” to Goop staffers. “Could this hair treatment change your life?” the website asks.
2) Gwyneth herself espoused the “incredible” effects of apitherapy, or being voluntarily stung by bees in the name of better skin, in an interview with the New York Times. “People use it to get rid of inflammation and scarring,” she said. “It’s actually pretty incredible if you research it. But, man, it’s painful.”
3) In an article titled “The Summer-Weekend Beauty Bag ”, in which Goop breaks down all the beauty essentials one might need for a summer weekend getaway, a bottle of nail polish is one of the suggested necessities, for a “by-the-pool polish change.” Who? What?
4) “Just as the chemicals in conventional sunscreens can kill coral in the ocean, they also cause problems in your skin by increasing inflammation — the root cause of most aging,” one article on the site reads, implying that your run-of-the-mill, non-Goop-approved drugstore sunscreen is actually making you age faster than you would by not wearing sunscreen at all.
5) According to a Goop post about body scrubs, there’s a high-end gym in Manhattan that is “notorious” for the number of members who’ve gotten MRSA infections from its facilities. But which high-end gym? That's for Goop to know, and you to find out.
Science never seems to be able to agree about how much alcohol is actually bad for you, but new research found that it might be even less than you think.
That sounds pretty serious, so let's break down what it actually means. All the participants of the study — which was published in The BMJ last month — were enrolled in the UK's Whitehall II study, which looks at health and stress. None of the participants were deemed alcohol dependent.
What researchers found was that the people who drank the most had the highest risk of hippocampal atrophy, which is a form of brain damage often associated with memory-loss conditions like Alzheimer's and dementia. The heavier drinkers also had a faster decline in language skills and poorer white matter integrity, which is what helps us to process thoughts in a prompt manner. That part was not necessarily surprising, and seems to back up other research which has also shown that heavier drinkers are more at-risk for changes to their brain over long periods of time.
What was surprising to researchers, however, was that moderate drinkers appeared to change, too, and they had higher risk of hippocampal atrophy than non-drinkers. "We were surprised that the light to moderate drinkers didn't seem to have that protective effect," study co-author Dr. Anya Topiwala, a clinical lecturer in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Oxford, told CNN. "These are people who are drinking at levels that many consider social drinkers, so they are not consuming a lot."
Moderate drinking was defined by the study as consuming the equivalent of a medium glass of wine each night, with a little extra on the weekends. By way of comparison, the heaviest drinkers in the study were consuming a bit more than two medium glasses of wine or two beers every night of the week.
For context, the average man has around 13 drinks per week at his peak, around age 25; women peak at around four drinks per week. As people get older, they binge drink less so their overall consumption is lower, but they drink more frequently, having small amounts on more days per week.
But you shouldn't fret about having to give up your booze just yet. There's no real evidence to show how clinically significant this change to the brain is in moderate drinkers. Plus, Eric Rimm, a professor of medicine and director for the program in cardiovascular epidemiology at Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, told CNN, "There are so many other lifestyle factors that are not taken into account in this study, like nutrition. Eating whole grains and fruits and vegetables have been linked with slower cognitive decline." He also cautioned that attributing mental decline to alcohol is too limited.
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After 12 years of hard work, M Barclay achieved their goal of becoming a deacon on Sunday.
Barclay didn't lack the skills or the work ethic but the process was stalled for years because they're a transgender person who identifies as neither male nor female. Now, Barclay has become a deacon in the United Methodist Church and it's a major step forward for both the church and the LGBTQ community.
In the Northern Illinois Conference where Barclay was commissioned, Bishop Sally Dyck told the United Methodist News Service that she hopes the church will continue on a path to inclusion: “I hope the church will find itself at a new place in the near future when it comes to full inclusion. That said, M and the other candidates for commissioning and ordination are all a part of the church’s witness and outreach to people who need the good news of Jesus Christ.”
Barclay was raised in a conservative Pensacola, Florida community and identified as a straight woman at the time they entered the ministry. After studying feminist theology and queer theory, Barclay realised they weren't straight and initially came out as a lesbian woman.
They initially struggled with whether or not they wanted to stay in the church at all due to its views on LGBTQ people. But after much thought, Barclay decided to continue on their path.
“My faith was still there," they explain. "It was just really hard to imagine the church living out what I think God is trying to do in the world right now.”
Barclay first pursued ordination in Texas but was ultimately rejected due to their sexuality. They moved to Chicago to work for Reconciling Ministries Network, an organisation dedicated to the inclusion of transgender and gender-nonconforming people in the United Methodist Church.
During their time at Reconciling Ministries Network, Barclay felt ready to come out as transgender. Their candidacy for the clergy was approved, and Barclay was officially commissioned as a deacon in Sunday's ceremony. All new deacons go through a two-year provisional period, so Barclay will be ordained in 2019.
Barclay's appointment as deacon was accompanied by some controversy. Reverend Thomas Lambrecht, who manages the United Methodist group Good News (an organisation that's against same-sex marriage and gay clergy) said transgender people should be "welcome" in churches, but shouldn't be given leadership roles.
“We would probably draw the line at leadership, seeing transgender persons as not qualified for leadership,” Lambrecht said. “It is premature for the Northern Illinois Annual Conference to move ahead to commission M Barclay, given the present state of knowledge and the questions her commissioning will raise in the minds of many faithful United Methodists.”
Although Barclay has received their share of negative comments like the ones made by Lambrecht, they've also received an outpouring of support from members and allies of the LGBTQ community.
“How do I theologically and scripturally advocate for trans people? I’m invited a lot to preach on that question,” Barclay said.
Barclay will continue their work at Reconciling Ministries Network and give sermons and workshops at Methodist churches. Although most Methodist clergy don't wear their collar every day, Barclay plans to do so.
“I feel very called to do that,” they explained. “A visibly trans person who is an extension of the church — queer and trans people need to see that. They need to see themselves reflected in the life of faith.”
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Look, here at Refinery29, we’re beauty fanatics. It’s a bit obvious – we’re surrounded by products all day, every day, and we chat about new releases, collaborations and our favourite brands and looks a fair amount.
Beauty is playful and restorative, it helps you outwardly present your inner self, and taking your time applying it can be an act of self-care. Choosing a lipstick, cleanser or perfume is as fun as choosing which meal you’re going to cook, and finding the right product for you can be downright confidence-boosting.
How do we cut through the noise, though? How do we separate the bland from the brilliant, the sticky from the slick, the cheap from the cut above? Well, we’ve trialled a significant number of products in our time and we’re here to let you in on our eternal favourites – from the classics we’ve been loyal to since youth and the new releases living up to the hype, to the picks that just do the job well.
Click through for a peek into the minds of 10 Refinery29 women, all with their eyes firmly on the beauty landscape, and get the lowdown on the products we’re shouting about right now.
Sheloa Nichols, Director of Content Production
"This scrub is a wondrously heavenly mix of vitamin E and non-abrasive sugar particles that keeps your skin feeling moisturised and smooth long after you've used it. If you love scrubs but have been buying 'whatever' until now try it - the difference is like lying between polyester sheets vs Egyptian cotton - suffice to say you'll notice a difference. Hero product."
Jo Malone Vitamin E Body Treatment Scrub, £22, available at Jo Malone.
"If you have curly or wavy hair that tends to get dry on the ends then use this stuff once or twice a week (depending on your 'wash' cycle) and see miracles occur! It actually restores moisture. Some people LOVE the smell (I've gotten a lot of compliments from men actually) and some people just tolerate it because of the effects. I personally think it smells really nice - regardless it is one of my must have products all year round but especially in the summer. It's particularly great for when you are wearing an up-do or braids as it can hold a style and work moisture magic at the same time!"
“I have tried every curl product on the shelf and always come back to this – why don't I just stay loyal? I waste a small fortune on the rest that are never as good. I'm a bad curlfriend.”
Boots Essentials Curl Creme, £1.99, available at Boots
“Fresh, gently exfoliating, pore-minimising, smells great and never dries out my skin. The perfect face wash.”
L'Oréal Paris Skin Perfection Gentle Exfoliator, £4.49, available at Amazon
“I have a lot of hair on my head – and not much any place else, including my eyebrows. However, I am honestly addicted to my brows being seen and this provides one of everything you need. Can someone please tell them to make a refillable Swiss Army Knife version that has all four elements? It would be SO rad.”
Benefit Defined & Refined Brow Kit, £31.50, available at Debenhams
“Best mascara EVER for long lashes that aren't super-thick. Provides excellent separating infrastructure to get those bad boys into their own lanes and fanning out like falsies.”
L'Oréal Volume Million Lashes Mascara, £9.99, available at Boots
“Reminds me of the old version my great aunt used to buy down the lane, it was green in the tube but went on pink and STAYED on. This is the millennial woman's version (and so a little pricer than 69p) but I love it. I'm a big fan of going natural on my lips so I can be more adventurous with my eyeshadow.”
“I am obsessed with Charlotte Tilbury's makeup line. I'd go so far as to say I have the biggest collection of Charlotte Tilbury products bar the makeup artist herself. I've gone through three Dolce Vita palettes over the past few years as I wear it pretty much all the time. The brown shade is perfect for everyday eyes, while the red and glitter gold work beautifully for an evening beauty look. The light pearly tone is a great highlight and pigment/ payoff of the glittery gold is unparalleled.”
Charlotte Tilbury Luxury Palette in The Dolce Vita, £39, available at Charlotte Tilbury
“I like scaring the living daylights out of my boyfriend every Sunday night and slathering this on when he's not expecting it. Frightening face aside, this mask draws out all the impurities thanks to the activated charcoal, and is the perfect way to wind down on a Sunday and ensure my skin is tip-top for the week ahead.”
Origins Clear Improvement Active Charcoal Mask, £24, available at Origins
“This was a recent discovery that Cult Beauty founder, Alexia Inge, actually recommended me a couple of months ago. Alexia told me that it would transform my skin and when a beauty pro tells me something, I listen. Now I spray it on liberally, morning and night. It has evened out my complexion and reduced any breakouts. I'm hooked.”
Allies of Skin Molecular Saviour Toner Mist, £48, available at Cult Beauty
“I've used this Kiehl's concentrate for a number of years and no matter how many late nights, early mornings and boozy evenings I have, this little blue bottle saves my skin. I always wake up with brighter, smoother, plumper skin if I've massaged this in the night before and always have a spare bottle in my bathroom cabinet.”
Kiehl's Midnight Recovery Concentrate, £38, available at Kiehl's
Jess Commons, Health & Living Editor
"As someone with thin hair, powders like this are legit the only volumising product I've ever found to have tangible results. Just a few sprinkles on your roots under the top layer of hair and you're good to go. Check out Batiste's version too."
Schwarzkopf got2b Powder'ful Volumizing Styling Powder, £4.19, available at Superdrug.
“It doesn’t cost the earth, and it’s legit the only serum I’ve ever used that’s made a marked difference – my skin less blotchy and smoother overall.”
The Ordinary Buffet Serum, £12.70, available at Victoria Health
"Again, one of the few things I’ve used on my skin where I’ve noticed a difference. Plus, it smells delightful. It is spenny but it does take ages to get through.”
Aromatherapy Associates Anti-Ageing Overnight Repair Mask, £62, available at Aromatherapy Associates
“If you’ve got oily skin, this is your dream. It doesn’t slide off, makes your skin matte, and goes on super-smoothly.”
L'Oréal Paris Infallible Matte Foundation, £7.99, available at Boots
“I always wear nail varnish to stop me biting my nails. This is the only one I’ve ever found that can go more than a few days without a chip.”
Nails Inc Gel Effect Nail Polish, £15, available at Nails Inc
“It’s not expensive or fancy, but it does a really good job of going on and staying on until you need it to come off. Which it does really easily with an oil-based makeup remover.”
Seventeen Tattoo Me Semi Permanent Liquid Eyeliner, £3.99, available at Boots
Anna Jay, Art Director
“This is my go-to everyday face moisturiser. It lets the skin breathe, helping to keep breakouts at bay and isn't too heavy, but keeps the skin really well quenched.”
Clarins Multi-Active Day Cream All Skin Types, £42, available at Clarins
“I'm only on my first bottle of this foundation but I know I've found The One. As someone who doesn't wear much makeup, I love how the formula is really light and gives a radiant glow – while still giving great coverage and protecting the skin with SPF.”
Charlotte Tilbury Light Wonder Foundation, £32, available at Charlotte Tilbury
“If you like your products to sit pretty on your bathroom shelf, & Other Stories has a great range. I love their body wash, with unusual, seasonal scents and a handy pump top for the shower.”
& Other Stories Moroccan Tea Body Wash, £7, available at & Other Stories
“This perfume has been my absolute favourite since I asked a stranger on the tube what it was – and since then I've converted three colleagues. The crisp cucumber and citrus bergamot of Earl Grey makes for the most refreshing of scents. Runner-up to this (one I keep at home and one on my desk) is Miller Harris' Tea Tonique.”
Jo MaloneLondon Earl Grey & Cucumber Cologne, £44, available at John Lewis
“This brow product is my favourite for a lot of reasons. It comes in a variety of shades, so you’re not stuck to ‘dark or light’, and the amount of product the brush holds is really scant, so you can go over your brows a number of times without getting too heavy on the first stroke. Because of this it also lasts longer, and the shape of the brush doesn’t just define but also grooms brows really well.”
Bobbi Brown Natural Brow Shaper & Hair Touch Up, £18.50, available at Bobbi Brown
Natasha Slee, Social Media Manager
"I'm loving Konjac sponges at the moment! After I've removed my makeup at night, I give my face a good massage with just warm water. In the morning, I use it after cleansing with Avène Extremely Gentle Cleanser."
The Konjac Sponge Company Pure Konjac Puff Sponge With Bamboo Charcoal, £8.99, available at Cult Beauty.
“I was resigned to tight, sensitive and flaky skin until I tried these Avène products. They’re so soothing and my skin feels insanely soft. I hated wearing any kind of foundation before, because it clung to dry patches, but now I can step out with confidence in my coverage. I keep it pretty simple: cleanse, a spritz of thermal water, moisturise, and use the mask on weekends.”
Avène Extremely Gentle Cleanser, £10.50, available at Boots
“I occasionally get dry patches on my cheeks during my period. I find that applying this thickly on the area and letting it set while I get ready for work does the trick.”
E45 Dermatological Cream, £2.35, available at Boots
“I use these every few days when I feel like my skin needs a deeper clean. They’re one of those 'glycolic acid' wonder products people can't stop talking about: exfoliating your skin by removing the outer layer of dead cells. I use it only where it's needed: my chin, around the creases of my nose, and forehead. I don't break out very often, but it's always here when I do. It makes my skin feel super-fresh and clean. Make sure to incorporate an SPF afterwards though, as it makes the skin more susceptible to sunburn.”
“I go through a lot of this. It makes my natural curls super-soft and defined with minimal effort. Then I smooth them with whatever serum is available at home!”
John Frieda Frizz-Ease Dream Curls Shampoo, £3.99, available at Boots
Sarah Raphael, Editor
"I was recommended this face wash at my first facial last year and it’s transformed my face. It’s not cheap, but the bottle lasts for ages (over three months when used twice a day) and it’s by far the best product I’ve ever used on my skin which is sensitive, uneven and sometimes gets little dry patches. The cleanser is soft, gentle, easy to apply and easy to wash off, and feels so lovely on my skin that I actually really enjoy washing my face every morning and night.
Another SkinCeuticals product – Phyto Corrective Serum – is really pricey at £52 a pop, which was manageable until I introduced my boyfriend to it. Now he douses himself in it and I don’t say anything because I don’t want to discourage his newfound interest in skincare. The product has been particularly good at evening out my complexion.
I’ve fallen out with a lot of moisturisers over the years. Every one I tried (from budget Simple Boots moisturiser to Crème de la Mer) made my face sting for the first few seconds after applying and usually irritated the dry patches I get. And then I found this SkinCeuticals Daily Moisturiser (also recommended by that dreamy facialist, I must send her flowers). It’s not too light or too thick and it never irritates my skin. I don’t bother with night cream as it just gets so expensive so I slap this on morning and night.”
SkinCeuticals Gentle Cleanser, £27, available at SkinCeuticals
“If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. I’ve been using this product since I was 13 and it’s never let me down. The nib is the perfect size and it’s really easy to apply – it’s very forgiving, as liquid liners go. I’ll usually use pencil first, then sort of seal the pencil in with liquid liner, otherwise my pencil smudges.”
“I have black hair and black eyes which often produces heavy, full eyebrows but unfortunately mine are very sparse – you can see my skin underneath. I don’t want to pencil them in as I don’t like to look too made-up, so I just put some of this gel on to make them a bit darker and more defined. Countless makeup artists I’ve interviewed over the years have reaffirmed my view that eyebrows are a game-changer.”
Benefit Gimmie Brow Volumizing Eyebrow Gel, £20, available at Benefit
"At £3.33, this is where I save on skincare, and the bottles are so big they seem to last forever. Micellar water is a miracle worker that takes off my eyeliner and mascara in like, four seconds. I used to scrub my eyes with makeup wipes – until I got told off by every woman, ever – and I tried all the high street makeup removers and they just felt like paint strip and made my eyes hurt. Micellar water has no perfumes and is so gentle it’s basically an eye bath, which is perfect for my sensitive skin. It’s also suitable for contact lens wearers.”
Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water, £3.33, available at Boots
“I wasn’t blessed with Bambi eyelashes so the “faux cils” effect appeals to me. I’ve tried so many mascaras over the years and I still can’t beat this one. It doesn’t even last very long – it dries out pretty quickly, which is really annoying and expensive but despite that, it’s the best I’ve found.”
Yves Saint Laurent Volume Effet Faux Cils, £25.50, available at YSL Beauty
“ I’ve worn the same makeup for 10 years: pencil eyeliner, liquid eyeliner, mascara, and a stain of lipstick. I never bother with foundation or bronzer or anything because of aforementioned sensitive skin and because I have freckles which I really like and I don’t want to cover them up! So I keep it simple with a pencil eyeliner – lately I’ve got into Tom Ford eyeliners as they have a lovely array of colours and this one is a shimmery brown that I just can’t find anywhere else. I used to wear heavy black eyeliner every day but as I get older, I prefer a softer shade. I do have to trek to Selfridges to get it, though, as they’re not stocked in that many places.”
Tom Ford Eye Defining Pencil, £27, available at Selfridges
Meg O’Donnell, Picture Assistant
"This is legit Unicorn Eyeshadow and as much as it pains me to admit, this will be on my eyelids for the majority of summer."
Topshop Eyeshadow Mono in Milky Way, £7.50, available at Topshop.
"My absolute favourite pastime is a bath and this wonderful creation from The Body Shop is my go-to addition. I love how soft it makes my skin, both during and post-bath! It smells quite similar to how I imagine heaven smelling, and lasts for ages as you only need a small amount. The Almond Milk and Honey collection includes plenty of lovely smellies like body butter, a cleansing bar, hand cream."
The Body Shop Almond Milk & Honey Calming & Caring Bath Milk, available at The Body Shop
“This smells, again, how I imagine heaven to smell. It's a really nice consistency and it absorbs quickly (win). It then leaves you smelling like a goddess for the rest of the day (win win).”
Rituals The Ritual of Sakura Body Cream, £19.50, available at Rituals
“I got given this as a tester by a friend and now I'm hooked! I would never usually buy products like this (I am quite lazy with my appearance) but will be using this one forevermore. It's almost primer-like and gives a lovely glow when applied. I usually focus on my under-eyes.”
Estée Lauder Revitalizing Supreme + Global Anti-Aging Wake Up Balm, £46, available at Estée Lauder
“My mum added this little beauty to my Christmas stocking and unfortunately I'm already very nearly out. I'm really lazy when it comes to my hair as well, so this dry oil is perfect for making it seem like I've actually brushed my mane after washing! Plus, anything left over I can use on my body. Brill!”
NUXE Dry Oil Huile Prodigieuse Splash Bottle, £17, available at John Lewis
Georgia Murray, Fashion & Beauty Writer
"This one is pricey, there's no two ways about it. It's also a cult hit, and for good reason. My skin has never felt so pillowy soft, bright and youthful. Plus, it now has added SPF, which is an essential on a day-to-day basis."
Elemis Pro-Collagen Marine Cream SPF 30, £82, available at Elemis.
“I can’t hype this concealer enough. It comes in a huge range of shades, has a gorgeous soft and easily spreadable texture, and doesn’t sit on top of your face or make blemishes more obvious (unlike a lot of other concealers). It hides under-eye darkness, the reddest of spots (a saviour for my fair skin, on which hormonal blemishes appear 1000x angrier), and can be subbed for a lick of foundation come 3pm when you need a top-up. Also, its narrow wand and shade variety mean people use it to contour. As soon as I found this gem I haven’t looked elsewhere, and I have one at home and one for on-the-go.”
Nars Radiant Creamy Concealer, £23, available at Nars
“This is a recent discovery. I’d used scrubs for years but always felt like they were aggravating my sensitive skin rather than buffing the face and shedding dead skin. But with this beauty, you rub over a dry face for about 20 seconds and wait for...stuff...to ball in your hands. Yeah, pretty weird, it’s all dead skin cells. Wash off thoroughly and once you’ve patted your face dry, you look like a newborn baby. It’s that good. I like that it doesn’t feel like dragging rough scrub across my skin, but you still get the super-fresh, bright peel feeling. Only use up to 3 times a week, though, not every day.”
The Body Shop Drops of Light Pure Resurfacing Peel, £18, available at The Body Shop
"Masks aren’t just a beauty treatment for me. They signal a bath, an evening alone, a glass of wine, a book, a treat, self-care, indulgence. So as you’d expect, I’ve tried hundreds. I think I currently have nine Lush masks in my fridge, so I’ll shout out to Mask of Magnaminty, Ayesha, BB Seaweed, Oatfix and this guy. I first heard of this thanks to Drag Queen Detox on RuPaul’s podcast What’s the Tee? If it works for a drag queen... It’s a super-fun colour (Smurf blue), smells like lemon heaven and washes off into a scrub, revealing a super-bright complexion.”
Lush Don't Look At Me Fresh Face Mask, £7.25, available at Lush
“I’ve always been terrified by super-bright colours in makeup. I also never thought that anything beyond mascara was for me, eye-wise, because I have small, hooded eyelids (come at me, boys). But thanks to the wonder of YouTube tutorials, I learned to work colour just above the socket contour, and voilà! You can see colour on my lids. Since then, inspired by Instagram’s makeup pros, I’ve gone wild with brights, and this palette from Sleek is one I return to time and again. Super-pigmented, staying power that lasts 'til a sweaty 3am, and they make my blue eyes pop.”
Sleek I-Divine Eyeshadow Palette in Snapshots, £8.99, available at Sleek
“If you’ve ever been lucky enough to see me without makeup on, you’ll know that my eyelashes and eyebrows are nonexistent. It’s not that they’re not there, it’s just that they’re see-through. Transparent, clear, non-ex-is-tent. So you can understand that the thick brow aesthetic hasn’t looked favourably upon me. I get them shaped and tinted every month but when the colour has faded, I look a bit like a newborn mole. Enter Laura Mercier. I could wax lyrical about all of her products but I’ll stick with this: simply use the pomade to set your brows, and pat the powdered colour on with an angled brush, and bam – look alive, people.”
Laura Mercier Sketch & Intensify Pomade & Powder Brow Duo, £20, available at Space.NK
Natalie Gil, News Writer
"Luckily my teenage problem-skin years are behind me, but I still get the odd spot or patch of redness every so often. I apply this moisturiser most evenings (mornings, too, if I’m having a skin crisis) after cleansing, and it magics away most of my problems overnight. If only its reach extended beyond my face!"
La Roche-Posay Effaclar Duo+ Anti-Blemish Cream, £15.50, available at Boots
"My skin is a bit of an attention-seeker and likes to shine bright like a diamond, so on the rare occasions I wear foundation, it must be mattifying. This one by Nars offers full coverage while still letting you show off your natural complexion. I only need one pump to cover my whole face and, unlike all the other foundations I’ve tried, it doesn’t slide off after two hours!"
Nars All Day Luminous Weightless Foundation, £34, available at Space.NK
"Bored of having to reapply lipstick every five minutes, I hopped on the lip pencil train a few years ago and bought many of the shades touted by beauty bloggers (MAC’s Soar is still a favourite). But it was aSunday Times article by India Knigh t that got me hooked on this Nars pencil. Its universally flattering colour, non-drying consistency and sheer staying power make it pretty much perfect."
Nars Dolce Vita Velvet Matte Lip Pencil, £20, available at John Lewis
"An unoriginal skincare pick, I know, but Pixi Glow Tonic has a cult following for a reason. The glycolic acid gently exfoliates and gets rid of dry patches but doesn’t dry out my skin. After just a few weeks of using it, my skin was transformed – teenage spot scars had faded and my skin’s texture was much more even. Now I won’t go a day without using it."
"I only really wear powdered eyeshadow for evenings out, and when I do, it’s usually MAC’s Woodwinked. It’s a warm, browny gold that makes greeny-blue eyes (like mine) pop, but beauty bloggers say it complements most eye colours. Being relatively low-maintenance when it comes to makeup, I usually wear it alone, but apparently it looks great blended with MAC’s Cranberry. Apply them both with a MAC 217 brush and you’re (browny) golden."
MAC Eyeshadow in Woodwinked, £13, available at MAC
Sadhbh O’Sullivan, Social Media Assistant
"Sodium Laurel Sulphate is sensitive/acne-prone skin's foamy nemesis, so I recently branched out into gel cleansers. This is a big investment but it is worth every penny, from how clean it makes my skin to the smell which is heavenly. A little goes a long way too, so this isn't going to run out any time soon."
Tata Harper Purifying Cleanser, £55, available at Cult Beauty.
“I used to use the whole kit until recently, when I got prescribed a new cleanser for my acne, but I still use this moisturiser. It's perfect for my oily and acne-populated skin because it's very moisturising (good to reduce redness), non-greasy, mattifying and non-comedogenic (no ingredients that can cause spots). You only need a small amount, luckily, so it goes far.”
Clinique Anti-Blemish Solutions All-Over Clearing Treatment, £21, available at Clinique
“This is my lifesaver! I use this on my overly oily T-zone and it makes me matte without being cakey. Again, only a tiny amount needed. I use the Instant Bright one because the coloured ones are too dark for my pale skin.”
Clinique Pore Refining Solutions Instant Perfector, £21, available at Clinique
“This helps soothe areas with lots of acne, redness, and hyperpigmentation. It really reduces the redness (so I don't make it worse by putting on makeup), is non-comedogenic AND is SPF 25, preventing any more pigmentation.”
Eucerin Anti Redness Concealing Day Cream, £20.50, available at Boots
“The greatest liquid lipsticks known to man. I basically rotate Lolita II and Exorcism depending on my outfit, but I also highly rate Double Dare and Nosferatu. There are more coming out this year and they look incredible, too.”
Kat Von D Everlasting Liquid Lipstick, £17, available at Debenhams
“A little bit of this on my cheekbones brings me to life. The colour is really flattering and because I don't wear any other skin makeup, I'm a fan of cream highlighters.”
"If you don't have a Hyaluronic Acid (HA) product in your skincare routine, you need to revaluate. HA is key for keeping skin hydrated and this version is low-molecular meaning it's far more easily absorbed by the skin, helping to retain moisture skin more efficiently and effectively. I wouldn't be without it."
Hylamide Low Molecular HA Booster, £18, available at Hylamide.
"I usually start my skincare routine with this toner. It contains zinc so it helps to reduce the redness and inflammation of my hormonal break-outs, plus the cooling sensation of a spray is ideal when it's warmer."
La-Roche Posay Serozinc, £8.50, available at Boots.
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I am lying in a foetal position on the floor of a public toilet, cocooned among the bleach and the paper. My hair is wet from the bath my partner scooped me from in panic, and my socks aren’t matching. The ambulance didn’t come, and when I arrive the receptionist warns that if I keep screaming it will take longer to be seen. This is my third visit to A&E in as many weeks, my fifth year of feeling like there is something fundamental and poisonous growing quietly inside me. I am exhausted and desperate, so I keep screaming. Claw at the cubicle door. Bite my own hands. Retch.
Just hours before, I was shuffling around the kitchen with dancing feet, chopping onions in time with the radio, laughing obliviously with my head thrown back. I’ve grown tolerant of daily pain, but this is different. The intensity is so removed from any semblance of reality, the loss of control so absurd, I feel it in my bones: the unshakeable feeling that this is the night I will die, perhaps here, on a toilet floor miles from home. Frantic thoughts circle my head like a drain, and the perfectionist inside cannot help but laugh at the irony of them finding me like this – all chipped nails and panda eyes, a broken thing in sick-stained pyjamas. I do not recognise the person in the mirror, but I know she is not ready, that it is not time.
It turns out that it isn’t time. It’s just that an ovarian cyst has ruptured, sending agony tap-dancing along every synapse, tricking the brain into thinking that the end is imminent. The signs were there, of course. In the weeks preceding The Worst Night, I had cried at a public bus stop, taken several nauseating Ubers to hospital, reassuring concerned drivers that I wouldn’t chuck up on the seat. Each trip was fruitless and I remember little, except blurred ceilings, perplexing blood tests that denied anything was wrong, the comfort of hunching into dark stairways, sinking into baths.
The intensity is so removed from reality, the loss of control so absurd, I feel it in my bones: the unshakeable feeling that this is the night I will die, here, on a toilet floor miles from home.
It’s not that I was being reckless in ignoring the signs. It’s more that I’d been told I was fine so many times I’d started to believe it. For years now, I had shared my body with a phantom, lost one week out of four, spent nights curled up in the tub almost as often as the bed, clutching myself quiet while my partner slept alone. I was told I had irritable bowel syndrome, urinary tract infections, cystitis, food allergies, coeliac disease. One doctor was convinced it was anxiety manifesting in physical pain, as if hypochondria were compelling me to bend myself in half. And so I swallowed my pain, pretended it wasn’t there, splashed water on my face, breathed deeper. In and out, until I couldn’t.
This is what endometriosis looks like, some of the time. Most of the time, it looks like nothing at all. An invisible burden shared by 176 million women, it manifests as a succession of small robberies and lost things – an accumulation of cancelled plans, sick days, spare heat pads stashed in office drawers, elephants in rooms. It is insidious, and always seems to strike when you least expect it – forcing you to look ahead before you’re ready, taunting you with codeine dreams of the children you didn’t know you wanted until the prospect of them grew slippery and unsure.
The problem is simple in theory, but difficult to manage in practice. The best analogy, perhaps, would be to say it’s the result of tissue growing in the wrong places, like weeds in a garden. Endometrial tissue is supposed to be confined to the womb, to be shed each month during the healthy menstrual cycle. In endometriosis sufferers, the tissue sticks around for far longer than it’s welcome, and invades other areas of the body for reasons we do not yet understand. Attaching to organs like gum, it continues to inflame as if preparing to exit the body, but there is nowhere for the blood to go. The resulting effect is a maelstrom of inflammation, pain, digestive problems, an increased risk of infertility, and the kind of chronic fatigue that can bleed into depression if you let it. Thankfully, it’s not a fatal condition, but the searing pain it causes is often described as being comparable to childbirth – a final twist of the knife for women who want children, but are often rendered unable to carry them.
As I have grown alongside this, grown despite it, tectonic plates have smashed at my feet. I am not the same person I was a year ago, and I’ve stopped seeing endometriosis as a personal cross to bear and started tackling it like the societal disease it is – digging for roots beneath the mud, reading medical papers by torchlight, unearthing the forces that keep many quiet, outstretching my hands towards other women who share the burden.
An epidemic that affects 1 in 10 women of reproductive age – and most of us do not even know how to pronounce its name.
After all, this is not some rare, exotic disease. It is staggeringly common, and even more staggeringly under-researched. Here is an epidemic that affects 1 in 10 women of reproductive age. Here is an epidemic that is comparable, statistically, to diabetes – and yet, most of us do not even know how to pronounce its name. Complex, unpredictable, stubborn – we still haven’t managed to develop a cure beyond basic Band-Aids and cover-ups, and few specialists are equipped to deal with the relentlessness of returning symptoms. How did we get here?
Much of the problem lies in the path to initial diagnosis. Endometriosis can only be officially detected by laparoscopy – an invasive and costly procedure involving anaesthetic and deep wounds and long periods of recovery. When our NHS is tightly squeezed, it’s unsurprising that the thorniest and most frustrating conditions are taking a back seat over those that are either immediately life-threatening or simpler to treat – though this provides little consolation to women who are struggling. Another issue is the deeply ingrained notion that painful periods are the norm, as well as the subjective nature of chronic pain as a whole. How do you prove your pain? How do you argue against “normal” test results and scans? How do you push for a procedure rarely performed, knowing that it’s a mere diagnostic tool rather than a solution? These are just some of the problems that keep the condition shrouded in darkness.
I am not alone, and my journey towards diagnosis is far from the most traumatic or frustrating I’ve come across. When I was admitted to hospital, I was reborn in 48 hours. High on morphine and disbelief, I sat cross-legged, whispering late into the night with women 20 years my senior, bearing witness to the injustice they suffered. I met one woman who worked as a senior financial executive, before the disease snatched all she had worked for from her grasp. Her own Worst Night was unspeakably terrible. Standing in line at Pret with a bunch of male colleagues, she felt an agonising, pulling sensation, and passed a clot the size of a golf ball, right there among the sandwiches and the juice. She was referred for an emergency hysterectomy, to be performed the day after I was discharged. I felt my stomach drop as she told me she felt wicked for not being sorry or sure, felt rushed, felt scared the finality would haunt her. She blossomed from acquaintance to ally overnight and I think of her often, see her manifest in supermarket queues and crowded carriages. I don’t remember her name, but I hope she knows that she is strong and brilliant, and that none of this is her fault.
If this were a disease that solely affected men, I do not believe we’d be facing such uncertainty and delay. Not for one minute. And no matter how understanding some individual doctors have been, and no matter how much I adore and appreciate the NHS with every fibre of my being, the fact remains that my condition is part of a tapestry woven with centuries of oppression, a crisis thriving in silence and denial. Realising this has been a bitter pill to swallow, but it has also helped me understand the systemic poison at the root.
Despite the pain and suffering, this illness has made me a better feminist, a better ally, a better human. It has been a gift as well as a burden.
Because this is not just about tissue misbehaving, this is about shame. And because the more I have learnt about the long and sad history of this invisible illness, the more my heart has burst into flames, fuelled by the lineage of women who have been before, all of them battling with a legitimate, fire-dampening pain that was never validated – perhaps never even spoken out loud. Sometimes, late at night, I live out their lives in my head. I dream of unsanitary hospitals and non-consensual experiments conducted on black bodies – of the silent sufferers rarely credited for their contribution to modern gynaecology. I dream of asylums, unnecessary hysterectomies, hysteria and shock treatments. I dream of the women who continue to soldier on today without any access to safe healthcare, watch them spiral one by one, a never-ending string of paper warriors. Many of them were no doubt broken by their infertility in a time and place where childbearing was one’s only currency. Many of them may be enduring painful sex as I type this, or quietly questioning their own sanity in the face of disbelieving physicians, or developing a dangerous reliance on opiates in the absence of a sustainable, longer-term solution.
Once I’ve dried my eyes, I see them rise from the ashes, see how far we have come, and how far we have to go. Then I get up. Because despite the pain and suffering, this illness has certainly made me a better feminist, a better ally, a better human. The clichés about gratitude and misfortune are true, and this illness has been a gift as well as a burden. It has broken down barriers, illuminated the important things, rid me of menial worries, created bonds that cannot be broken, forced me to acknowledge my privilege as well as my disadvantage. It has taught me who I am, and made me fall in love with my own strength.
If you think you may be suffering, or if you feel ignored, or if you feel angry on behalf of others – now is the time. Kick and scream, demand answers, fight like it is someone else’s battle. Because we owe it to ourselves, to those who came before, to those who are yet to run.
Signs to watch out for
Pain Painful periods Pain on ovulation Pain during internal examinations Pain during or after sex Pelvic/abdominal pain
Bleeding Heavy periods, with or without clots Prolonged bleeding “Spotting” or bleeding between periods Irregular periods Loss of “old” or dark blood at the start of a period
Bowel and bladder symptoms Painful bowel movements Bleeding from the bowel Symptoms of Irritable Bowel Syndrome (diarrhoea, constipation, bloating – particularly during your period) Pain when passing urine Pain before or after passing urine or opening your bowel
Other symptoms Fatigue Depression Back pain Leg pain
Things that have helped me deal with my own symptoms The support of other women The support of Endometriosis UK The Mirena IUD Beautiful, soulful nurses The hospital tea-trolley lady Patient junior doctors CBT Knowing Thy Enemy Hot water bottles and scorching baths Being persistent and sure Keeping a gratitude journal Ru Paul reruns Audre Lorde quotes Hypnosis videos Calling home more Creating more Moving more Loving more
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